The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on May 19, 2020, 09:59:06 PM
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Well...somebody had the fantastic idea that we'd each be allocated an alien genre to write a song in...and I was given "Show Tunes" so I came up with this. I'm not sure how a show tune is supposed to go...but this was my guess at it...a sort of lonely monologue kind of thing and then an overblown bit in the middle before it drifts away again. I dunno...
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) came up with a brilliant song that almost made me laugh 'til i cried...and John @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) was quick off the mark too...they were both great inspiration for me...So I thought I'd quickly write a song about a story that made me cry 'til I almost laughed.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/poisoned-by-their-own-people-634147.html
40 Pounds
Riches beyond comprehension
Treasures you’ll never behold
Requiring a wicked deception
And facts you can never be told
We have no permanent allies
We need no permanent friends
We only have permanent interests
And will die in achieving those ends
Swear all the peasants to silence
Abandon them all to their fate
If you don’t fuck off back to your hole in the ground
A room in the tower awaits
They serve the elites with their brilliant minds
And hearts that are harder than stone
What would they do to those in their way
When this is what we do to our own?
Feeding crustaceans on country estates
With the blood, sweat and tears of our youth
You might well be wondering at what point in time
We became so afraid of the truth
The finance department has looked at your case
As an act of goodwill we propose
A settlement sum…shall we say £40?
Consider the matter now closed
£16 for funeral expenses
£4 for the catering bill
and £20 is plenty to dress you in black
Think of The Crown what you will
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The subject matter gives you scope to produce a strong narrative and you certainly don't disappoint @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253). You seem to be in such natural territory here Paul for your compositions, which often are blessed with an interesting narrative depth. So much so that I am starting to think that our great Spinning Wheel had a supernatural element to it, making us do songs that we were innately suited to but never realised it. E.g., I want to hear more punk/jazz from John, and I can't imagine never wanting to go back to Hip Hop Grandad at least one more time. :D
This kind of moody and dramatic show tune really suits you, and would sit well in a contemporary West End musical. Well researched topic and very well executed too. Excelling out of your comfort zone. A joy to behold, good on ya! ;)
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Wow this is a dark show..... ;) Great lyric writing as ever. As I said in another post anyone who tries this challenge has my respect. This could with a little different treatment be a Roger Waters song. Well done Paul, excellent stuff!
Cheers
Jamie
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - very show tuney, i can really imagine it after a fast number, to get the audience up on a jolly high, before the inevitable downer slow tune..
On the button Paul ads-webber
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This is a work of genius Paul - I really didn't know what to expect when you were allocated "Show Tunes" and you've just pulled it out the bag for sure while retaining your own style. The lyrics are a superb and sobering. Some fascinating stuff coming out of this challenge indeed :)
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Paul,
Sharp as a sharp thing, smart and to the point.
The simple backing made me concentrate on the lyrics which were great.
Nothing to suggest.
Show tune or not it is rather good.
:-)
neil
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Crazy story - until we realize that these things have been going on more or less in secret for years and for sure still are (with more or less bribery, imbalance of negotiating power, and underinformed consent).
I can really see this one on stage. The interesting thing about a musical is that the songs illustrate the story and don't have to totally explain their own context so this one is spot on. This episode could gives plenty of material for an entire show, hopefully a few laughs also thrown in(?) but hopefully all as high quality as this.
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Yes, perfect. Like cowparsleyman, I see the stage...bright bouncy dancers singing a jolly, peppy tune and whirling around frenetically. And then it ends, the lights dim, the dancers disappear, and a solitary singer shows up and sings this. And maybe falls on the floor sobbing at the end. ::) ;D
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haha @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Yes, it's a different song, I like "Swear all the peasants to silence
Abandon them all to their fate
If you don’t fuck off back to your hole in the ground
A room in the tower awaits" part very much.
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Hi Paul,
This is really cool.
Sort of reminded me of Madness, and also made me think of Le Fee Verte by Kasabian.
I like how it takes off for a moment and then returns to the simple vibe.
All works really well.
Digger
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I really enjoyed this show tune ;great piano and vocal introduction which really takes off when the guitar bass and drums come in. As usual great lyrics that tell an unbelievable chilling tale of how the elite are quite prepared to sacrifice the 'lower classes' both in war and peace. Not sure if the West End is ready for such a musical but still a great song.
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Wow with the Cummings debacle this couldn't be more prescient. All the lyrics are brilliant but I love this verse in particular :
"Feeding crustaceans on country estates
With the blood, sweat and tears of our youth
You might well be wondering at what point in time
We became so afraid of the truth"
Also the piano part with the lovely little repeated refrain. The venomous delivery is perfect.
I thought @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) had this competition in the bag but now I'm not so sure. Truly outstanding work.
M
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Brilliant Paul, I was thinking Show Tunes as a big Andrew Lloyd Webber number with soaring vocals but this really captures the musical vibe in a Billy Elliot type story/fashion.
Lyrics are great and the back story is fantastic, I suspect you had a ball writing that, maybe the lines that didn't make would be worth a read ;D
My Alien challenge has 2 chords and an idea so far! Better pull my finger out!
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Great stuff Paul. When I think of the words "show tune" my brain immediately thinks "cheese" but in this case you have shown how something can be really show-tuney and dramatic but with no cliche at all. It's really well sculpted as it flutters between the piano-led parts and the fuller sections very smoothly, and I loved the hanging, suspenseful dramatic ending. I could imagine the stage set being plunged into darkness at that point before the next act begins. Bravo, take a bow at the curtain call.
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What a story. Nothing surprises me any more with the fuckers who are supposed to be running things....ha ha.
Excellent lyric you've built from the story. Yes, consider the story now closed seems to be the thing currently too. How that lying fuck Johnson lives his whole life.
Just the thing for a Showtune! Well, like you I don't really know what a Showtune is supposed to be like....depends on the show doesn't it?
Ah yes..it has piano instead of guitar!
The piano and vocal first part is a nice introduction for when it kicks in at 1.10 with that stabby guitar and that other thing that mirrors the vocal melody and adds a bit of body.
Forty quid! You are suitably scathing as you recite this part of the story fairly spitting out the vocals. Show and tell!
May be an alien genre but definitely a PaulAds song.
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Thank you all very much...some fab comments here for which i’m very grateful.
I really loved this whole challenge. There’s been such a great spirit and atmosphere about it.
I’d have never tried to write a song like this otherwise. But I’m so pleased I did.
RIP Leading Aircraftman Ronald George Maddison 23 January 1933 - 6 May 1953.
There are plenty of empty plinths around nowadays...how about a statue of Ronnie?
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Hey @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) What a great song - great to hear your stellar voice with a keyboard backing it up :D
Sounded like shades of Sgt Pepper's Lonely ..... which always had a show-tune feel to it to me.
The bar's too fecking high for the rest of us now - so I'll be mailing mine in and hope for the sympathy award :D
Good stuff
Paul