The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: OleAnders on May 12, 2020, 10:11:44 AM
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[update 29.05.2020]
https://soundcloud.com/ole_anders/shade-of-blue-mix-052020-2/s-4bVoIf1V6Y2
The Rain is a Shade of Blue
Verse:
If you’re on your own
a bit roughed up
if someone hurt you just a little too much
And if your feet won’t find their way home
if there is no quiet inside
And if the world just seems a lot to carry
hold on for a while
Chorus:
The rain is a shade of blue
it gets a little cold, sometimes when you’re alone
the rain is a shade of blue, the color of your eyes
give it time, time will set it right
Verse:
Don’t look so downcast
don’t hang your head so low
don’t treat each burden as if it was yours to carry all alone
There is a beauty; it’s hidden in each moment
a trace of love in everything
Chorus:
The rain is a shade of blue
it gets a little cold, sometimes when you’re alone
the rain is a shade of blue, the color of your eyes
give it time, time will set it right
Why did you write your song?
Song developed from the chorus line. Quite a standard pop song and structure. Also very simple C,G,F with a Dm7 in the chorus. Written for purpose of exploring the pop song format while trying to make something relatable.
What are your aims for your song?
I do plan to publish the song in some format. May consider also making a more acoustic version as well with simpler arrangement.
What aspects of your song are you looking for comments about?
Did you enjoy the song? Do you think it has potential? Any comments on the songwriting (song structure, lyrics etc) or recording? Ideas on how to get music heard? And so on... please feel free to comment anything on your mind :)
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Hi Ole Anders
this is a super-pretty song. I heard a little country influence which worked well.
A couple of thoughts:
- you have "carry" in both verses - I might prefer a different image or expression in verse 1
- the duet also works well (I like both your voices). Though in some places the two voices don't line up 100%. This may be the feel you were going for, but I at times I felt it was a distraction
- the male voice (I guess yours!) seems too prominent to me, and could be turned down a little I would say.
But in general I'd say everything sounds great and you achieved what you set out to do. Very listenable and singalong-able.
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I agree with Adam...........this is a real pretty song.
Sweet!!
Has a Dylan feeling to it.....very compelling.
Love the tune....love the lyric....and the performances are great!
Good one!
-Tom
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Hi, not a genre I would typically listen to, but I can say that I thought it was a well written song, structure nicely ,well performed, and was quite nicely recorded. My only criticism is that the piano solo didn't quite fit, the notes played didn't for me anyway, lean towards the melody or harmonies of the song.
Good voices!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi Ole
This is a really nice song with a great chorus, good lyrics and a lot of potential.I just think, IMO,, that the arrangement could be improved on as I think the double tracked male/ female vocal in the verses seem to work against each other whereas a single vocalist in the verses would contrast better with the excellent duetted vocals in the chorus.
I also think, like Jamie, that the piano instrumental is too long and doesn't seem to fit the song. Apart from these quibbles a very good song.
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Hey , nice song, lovely vocals, maybe male vocals too loud versus female one. A bit short maybe.
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Thanks for all your feedback, very useful.
I will follow your advice at least on the balance between the male and female vocals and balance them a bit better. I feel the male /my vocal is a bit loud particularly until the first chorus.
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Wonderfull song.......has everything going for it, has a nice familiarity about it like you've heard it before which is a sign of a good song.....extremely pro sounding deserves better than the current 50+ plays it currently has on Soundcloud.
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Very pretty song; I like it a lot. I would like to hear more contrast between the verses and the chorus--like maybe solo for the verses (taking turns?) with possibly some ahhs in the background, and then the full-on harmony duet for the chorus. I love that gorgeous high ahhhhhh in the chorus. You could really fatten up the chorus with more harmonies--each of you could sing two tracks. Just muttering my thoughts out loud...
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A so beautiful song and duet! @OleAnders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22023)
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Thanks for all your kind input. I have updated the mix resolving some of your comments by adjusting the balance between the male and female vocal.
[29.05.2020]
https://soundcloud.com/ole_anders/shade-of-blue-mix-052020-2/s-4bVoIf1V6Y2