The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Grubstar on May 11, 2020, 02:16:46 PM
-
Hi Everybody
I hope everyone is keeping well and keeping sane. We have tried to write an upbeat pop song, I hope you like it please feel free to comment on any aspect, all contributions gratefully received.
https://soundcloud.com/grubstar1/chase-the-sea
Chase the Sea
When I wake to a new morning
There is only one thing on my mind
I can still see her eyes shining
How I miss the girl I left behind
We said goodbye
And I still don’t know why
It’s been so long
Now the bad days are gone
I’m hoping she’s waiting
On the shore for me
The tears we cried will turn the tide
We can chase the sea
There were voices I heard calling
And a world that I wanted to see
Now I know that I was just dreaming
She is where my heart wants to be
We said goodbye
And I still don’t know why
It’s been so long
Now the bad days are gone
I’m hoping she’s waiting
On the shore for me
The tears we cried will turn the tide
We can chase the sea
There is no place
Under the sun
You can’t escape from
Where you belong
Like a boat on a wild ocean
Never knowing where we are bound
As we search for a true meaning
We can share the love to be found
We said goodbye
And I still don’t know why
It’s been so long
Now the bad days are gone
I’m hoping she’s waiting
On the shore for me
The tears we cried will turn the tide
We can chase the sea x2
© 2020 Atkin & Williams
-
Hi @Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) Yes, nice upbeat pop vibe. Got a really nice early 80's vibe. Maybe the vocals could come up a bit in the mix. The one thing that I did find a bit distracting was the hi hat panned far right which seemed to rather dominate. Small nit though on what is a very catch little number indeed :)
-
Hey there Grubstar......I really like the energy....the flow is great.
A truly nice upbeat tempo revealing a longing and hopeful story/sentiment.
good one, man!!
-
Yeah, very upbeat and melodic, drums sound a bit lop sided maybe that's something to do with the hi hat..dunno, harmony sequences are very good and the chorus lifts nicely and nowt wrong (to my ears) with the general production..in short..super work 8) :)
-
has a great pulse and infectious kind of joy in the vocals as it lifts into the chorus..
kind of a welcome 80s hark back..has the bounce and the keyboards my screen started to go all wavy ..
uplifting in these wobbly times..
fine work you guys
-
Hi, definite 80s vibe you’ve created here. The major chords for sure make it upbeat and accessible. The vocals sounded good but pretty heavily processed - maybe dial back on the effects a little bit? I think you’ve achieved mission accomplished though if you were aiming for an uplifting pop song, it is certainly that. Nice work.
-
Those synths are really nice, happy and sparkly - bit of a Stock, Atkin and Williams vibe going on (LOL).
The vocals sound quite "vinyly" which I don't mind, except in the verses where they are a bit more exposed. I think the effects could be backed off a bit there. Harmonies are really nice - I like the way the chorus lifts and floats in contrast to the less energetic verses. Nice vocal ad libs too - that's the sign of a confident singer I think!
Another good one from you!
-
Hi guys, nice catchy song with a rich production and well sung. You have achieved the upbeat pop song that you wanted to write.😁🎶👌🏻🎶
In terms of constructive feedback, I wanted the snare to have a bit more meat on it, it pales next to the kick and lyrically (forgive me if I'm just totally misunderstanding) you sing "we said goodbye and I still dont know why?" but...I'm sorry, but I dont believe it 😬 especially when in the second verse you kinda explain why you left.
Anyway...nice work and I hope that's of some use to you.😁👍🏻🎶👊🏻🎶
-
Very catchy pop song @Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) ... real 80s vibe and I too love those synths... great melody - verses really grabbed me actually.. lovely harmonies and ad libs.. nice one!
-
Yeah...I loved this one too...great uplifting feel to it...takes some of the best bits of 80's influence and has a great melody and lead vocal. Keys are super too.
Another top song from you chaps...well done!
-
Hi there, I think I am stuck in the same era as you! Nothing wrong with that, as it was a great era ;D Its quite a singalong song this and as others have said has a really nice feel good vibe to it. With the harmonies and strong melody it's like you reinvented The Beach Boys for the 80's. Great stuff.
I think You maybe could try a bit more build in the chorus and less reliance on that main synth sound just to break things up a bit. But enjoyed this one, thanks.
-
I love, love, love the melody and the harmonies on this. I'd maybe like the vocals a little higher in the mix. Listening reminded me of the Hollies singing "Bus Stop" for some reason. It really doesn't sound the same, but maybe a similar ambiance?
My only nit is the word "girl" in the first verse. Some probably think I'm too picky (maybe I am, but I'll never admit it), but using the words "boy" and "girl" when talking about people old enough to be romantically involved doesn't sound right. And the word "woman" would fit in the space very, very nicely. Just sayin'.
This is my kind of song, for sure. I love listening to it!
-
I love the melody in this song, keys & the groove are spot on.
The vocals sound great.....except to me the effects are taking away from how
good they are performed. You have such a good voice, tone & pitch are well done
I just feel like it's being masked a bit too much, really enjoy the song !
-
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532)
HI, love the melody and the harmonies, and it all fits the genre and puts it firmly into the 80' synth pop era. Very good. My only nit is the hi hat on the right is overpowering the rest of the drums and it unbalances the sound for me.
Nice work
Cheers
Jamie
-
Hi Everybody
Many thanks to all those who took time to listen and many thanks for the constructive feedback which I shall certainly take into consideration as I hopefully progress with this songwriting/production melarkey.
In particular;
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Many thanks for the kind words and a special thanks for the helpful production comments.
@ IronKnee Thanks, it is much appreciated I found your comments very encouraging.
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) Many thanks for the great comments, I think I must have been concentrating too much on the vocals and missed the elephant in the room, namely that the drums were a bit of a mess, I wont do that again.
@nooms (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=11264) Thank you so much, you are too kind.
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) Cheers, really appreciate the comments, I did put alot of work in terms of vocal processing and probably overdid it, in future less is more.
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) Many thanks LB, your comments were very helpful all of which I agree with. Id never thought about the contradiction in the lyrics before until you pointed it out. Cheers.
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Thank you for your kind words Im really glad that you liked it.
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Hi Paul thanks for such a positive review it really is much appreciated.
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) Hi Adam, glad you liked the song and thanks for a great review.Stock, Atkin and Williams indeed, very funny though.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) Hi Michael thanks for the review and the helpful comments.
@ CaliaMoko Thank you so much for such a positive review Im so glad that you liked the song.
@Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448) Many thanks your comments are much appreciated and as I stated earlier I think I did overdo the vocal processing.
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Thanks for the review and I will definitely try to do better with the drums next time. Cheers.
-
Hola @Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532)
Thank youi for sharing a song so full of sun!!!!
-
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Muchas Gracias for listening and for the lovely comment.