The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MonnoDB on April 05, 2020, 12:29:20 AM
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New one from me, finally - it's taken me an age for some reason... lots of half-finished projects but this one made it out the other side :) A simple 1+1, an ode to my younger daughter as she stretches her wings (she pointed out to me that I wrote one for my older daughter and therefore owed her one ;D ;D) ...
My first time recording on a mic'd acoustic piano though (I normally record using midi).. much nicer playing experience but there's some noise on the piano tracks from pedal etc.. and the performance is the performance - no tweaking possible!!
As always, all feedback invited and welcome...
https://soundcloud.com/monnodb/fearless
All your life I've had my hand on your shoulder
To guide you on your way and catch your fall
And now you are that little bit older
I know it's time for you to walk alone
And I'll hold on tight as I let you go
I'll burst with pride but you'll never know
I'll play it cool, won't let it show
You're my fearless, independent soul
I remember the first time I held you
The months I'd waited couldn't have foretold
The feelings that overwhelmed me
You took my breath, you took my heart, you took my soul
And I'll hold on tight as I let you go
I'll burst with pride but you'll never know
I'll play it cool, won't let it show
You're my fearless, independent soul
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The recording came out beautifully.
This has a real Delores O'Riordan vibe to it. I have to say that I honestly thought at 0:43 it would break into Stairway too! :P
The harmonies are gorgeous and the only thing I would suggest is to perhaps double the main vocal to thicken it out a bit and add some depth.
It might also be worth trying singing quietly really very close to the mic - to get a sort of close and personal 'whispering in your ear' type vibe.
I'd also love to see this beefed out with instruments on it too. If you ever want to do a collab and add guitars/bass/drums etc to this then I'd be happy to collab :) It'd make an awesome power rock ballad.
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Lovely song @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) and I love the real piano. The celtic harmonies are just amazing. Some lovely use of space. Something that I should learn ! A lovely ode to your daughter. I hope she likes it.
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Très jolie chanson, beautiful song, as a daugther's mother love the lyrics :), I enjoyed and I'm going to listen another time :)
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Lovely song, almost haunting. I'm a sucker for a nice, gentle piano peice.
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I enjoyed this a lot @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) .Thank you. The recording sums up the song perfectly.Your daughter should be very proud.
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Lovely song for your daughter to take with her through life....recording sounded fine here, piano noises just add to the atmosphere , 8) :)
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - Lovely Karen, I love the "hold on tight as I let you go" our daughter is about that age now, so it resonates with me. As for the piano, so nice to hear a real one, did you sing and play at the same time?
beautiful, thanks for this, perfect length too.
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Gorgeous and all the better for the real piano. Simple, direct heartfelt lyrics. Free from cliche and the sort of song that can only be written from personal experience. A lovely thing indeed.
M
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, loved the chord structures some nice 'odd' ones in there too! Beautiful singing.Loved it! I think it's better for solo piano accompaniment. You could add strings maybe but.....
Great song
Cheers
Jamie
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'Fearless, independent' , yep that was my impression of many of the Dublin women I met when I worked there for a stint a few years back. So it is great that you have brought your daughter up Karen to follow in this feisty and fine tradition.
It's a kind of personal song that we as outsiders are privileged to hear, our special secret peek into an inner sanctum. I wrote a song for my son when he left home for university a few years back. It wasn't half as lovely as this. Lovely sentiment and such a pure song, it will surely live on in her memory forever.
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This is fabulous.
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
I'm just gonna copy and paste what I said on your cloud Karen,because this left me realising sometimes words aren't enough.
This is a textbook example of what music means,the emotion the passion all serve the song. Outstanding in any company Karen,thank you for sharing.
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This is just beautiful. I love the piano. I need to practice (I hear myself saying that a lot...).
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lovely! really feel the emotion come thru, lyrics are beautiful and it sounds great!
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completely understand the sentiment .. letting them go..
'will you pick me up ?
where are you love ?
i dont know !'
simplicity of the recording makes it all the more real
beautiful song
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Wow thanks so much for the positive feedback.. blown away tbh... much appreciated..
@nooms (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=11264) - lol - yes all ahead of me ... the stretching was moving into teen years and the independence that comes with that - I'm not sure how I'll cope with the "Pick me up..." phonecalls... :)
@Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448) Thank you!
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - I hear you! I haven't played piano much for ages... need to practice but even moreso need to practice guitar.. Thanks for your lovely comment.
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) - Davy you are too kind as always.. I don't deserve, but do appreciate your lovely comment...
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - thanks so much <3
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) yes we're a feisty bunch alright... Thanks so much for your lovely comments..
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) yes there's nothing I love more than an odd chord... I can't help myself.. Thanks a mill!
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - thanks so much.. lovely comments..
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) - thanks a mill for your comments.. delighted... Re recording together, no I didn't .. it was guide piano --> guide vocal --> actual piano --> actual vocal...
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) thanks a mill... lovely to read that..
@5 guys named Lars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22535) @Sterix (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22024) @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) - thanks a mill!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) thanks so much for your lovely comments here and on SC..
@David Christy Jones (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21130) thanks for your lovely comments and for the offer and the recording advice...much appreciated
As I said, chuffed...
K
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Hi Karen,
Stunning.
Adele should take note how to do a piano ballad.
Wonderfully melancholy.
Piano sounds great.
Those low harmonies are to die for.
This should get much wider exposure.
Love it.
Digger
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Hi
A beautiful song, beautifully sung.Lovely emotive lyrics and a very evocative piano accompaniment. 1st Class.
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Really nice! The fact it's just piano really draws you in.
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Hi,
Sounding lovely, clear and delicate
Great lyrics and like the chords and melody
Production just right too
Lots to like here
:-)
Neil
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Thanks so much @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) @dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829) @Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) @digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) for your rather lovely comments. Too kind and much appreciated...
K
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This got me right in the feels. Beautifully done
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Love this - very nice idea to pick out the "fearless" characteristic, such a positive and original take on a common situation. And a nice counterpoint that her mother is holding back and maybe (of course) will never stop having a parent's concern. Reading the "first time I held you" I was a little underwhelmed (heard it all before yadda yadda) but the way you brought it over made it so personal and true. Added to which the hands/catching/holding/letting go theme works brilliantly all through. Fabulous song and performance.
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@Andyb (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20943) thanks so much.. can't ask more than that!!
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - thanks a mill.. Yeah I actually rewrote the 2nd verse because it was a little clichéd I thought... but then I reckoned I was writing it for my daughter, and that's what I wanted to say.. When she listened, it was at that point (and one other) she did that little hand on heart thing so it was the right call to leave it... She also called me out on the "burst with pride but you'll never know" bit :) pointing out she was well aware :) .... Thanks again - I always love reading your take on my songs and particularly lyrics..
K
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So emotional, lovely vocal and great piano.
Perfect.
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) I Really enjoyed that, the chrous is superb! Loved it. Gorgeous voice aswell
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Well I couldn't hear anything to not like in this.
Songs from the heart always tug at the heartstrings of others and you've plucked mine today.
My own daughter came to mind. I love the real piano - I didn't notice any pedal noise - but then I'm used to hearing that myself so I probably tune it out.
Wonderful song - you should be proud of this :D
Paul
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So much to like about this song meaningful lyrics nice piano sound beautiful vocals lovely song
Royston
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Very late to the party on this Karen sorry.😊 Yep, it’s gorgeous! I love that chorus...so interesting with that chord progression underneath. She must love it I’m sure. This one will become a family heirloom I’m sure. Beautiful stuff....but that’s the norm with your songs.🤩🎶👊🏻🎶
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A very powerful and emotional song. Feels like a very honest expression. I get almost the same feeling as when I'm listening to Carol King. Well-crafted melody and lyrics. Well sung. And played, of course.
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@The Estuary (SWE) (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22380) thanks so much.. Carol King you say? Well I'll just bask in that for a second.. even the whiff of such a ref is kinda awesome.. thanks...
@Lostboy sorry I'm late in my response.. Thanks so much... I do like a bit of an odd chord or two when I make it over to he piano.. You are too kind, sir.. and I thank you!
@Royston (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19446) thank you thank you!!!!
@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) thanks a mill :)!
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) - well the pedals and my creaky piano stool :) glad to hear it didn't bother you.. Thanks for your lovely comments..
@PeteS (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22588) thanks so much and for the nom! Much appreciated (understatement!!!)...
K..