The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on April 02, 2020, 09:01:29 AM
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Hope you're all keeping well out there in isolation land :)
On this song one of our newest members @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) Ce Mz, kindly offered to do some vocals on an acoustic number that I had been working on. She also very kindly invited me to join a French songwriters forum which is pretty similar to our setup.
All feedback is as usual gratefully appreciated.
I saw you last night at the station
You didn't see me
I thought it was you
It made me feel so blue
We talked and talked
But nothing seemed to work
And agreed to disagree
I need to take a vacation
Cos bad vibes are eating my head
I don't what to do
I'll make myself real ill
But thoughts of you
And everything you do
They just swell up inside my head
Remember that holiday
When we were so free
We skipped in the sand
And I held your hand
And nothing, nothing could destroy use
I see you in town every morning
At the cafe by the boulevard
Whatever he says
And even if he stays
I'm here for you
Love everything you do
And I'm not going away
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Lovely song and delicately sung. my only thoughts are that the guitar sounded a bit boomy here and there, I think I heard a Cello in the left ear but not sure...some frequency fighting goin on..hope you don't mind these thoughts John..just trying to help :)
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Thanks @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) really appreciate your feedback. Although it's a stripped back song it was pretty difficult to mix.
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Very nice vibe indeed! Really like the cello and guitars (though check out Kev's thoughts too).
Vocals are lovely - that delay could be dampened a little though I think. Not sure but at times the music seemed to duck out of the way a little too much (could be a compression/limiter thing).
I could really imagine a duet in the middle section - I think your voices might complement each other really well.
Great simple arrangement. There is something of the "chanson" about it in the pacing and sentiments. Nice and short and sweet.
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Thanks for the feedback guys - Tweaked the mix :)
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580)
Hi John, nice collaboration guys.I find acoustic guitars difficult to record and mix too...Nicely sung, the arrangement has a nice sympathetic feel too.
Good work
Au revoir :P
Cheers
Jamie
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Thanks for your feedbacks :) on vocals, i Really enjoyed sing this compo, thanks again @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269), like the last mix on my side :)
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An awesome collab......something I envy (but, not in a bad way) I think it is wonderful that two people can get together and create something like this. Kudos, you two!!
Love it,
-Tom
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Love the sound, if Kate Bush had done a country album this is what it would have sounded like. :)
Great stuff though, really enjoyed it.
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) @IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) - Thank you guys for your feedback. I think that acoustic guitars (along with vocals) are always the most difficult to get right in the mix. It's certainly not an exact science !
Thanks once again :)
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Lovely song @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - sounds kinda folky to me (which of course appeals to me). Lovely breathy vocals @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) - welcome to the forum - really enjoyed, very distinctive.
Fab Collab!! Hope you do more!!!
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enjoyed this
has an attractive kind of stones feel in the gtr , natural , really cool pompey
lovely vocal from CeMz, sort of ethereal the way you placed it in the mix..
great collab yoos two
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I like the jangly acoustics in this a lot - somehow made me think of Dylan? And the breathy delivery too, very nice. It's definitely a unique mix, it felt very upfront to me but that was part of the character of it. Lyrics were intriguing... I found the appearance of the third person in the last verse cool, it added a lot of backstory to it (the lyrics typed here say "he" but it sounds like "she"... either way I'm imagining a love triangle?). I think I'd just tweak lyrics slightly in the first verse though - I didn't understand how "You didn't see me" made sense with "We talked and talked"... Unless he had his eyes shut I guess they must have seen each other? Anyway that's a minor suggestion on a very characterful, folky, 60s influenced track. You two should collab a bit more.
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Great collab. Love the vocals (definitely a Kate Bush vibe there). Hopefully will hear a lot more of you here, @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) !
Nice song, @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) . Love the lyrics too.
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Thanks so much @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) Bien sur, Cecile tweaked the he / she stuff and I'm really looking forward to working with @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) in future collaborations. A huge talent and a brilliant addition to our forum :)
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Lovely Vocals & song! Mix sounds real good to me, welcome to the forum @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580)!
Im still new here myself, these folks are not only very talented but great people as well!
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Thank guys and girls ;) ;D
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) , @Sullish (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=10068) @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) @nooms (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=11264) @Bostonfan & @Sterix (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22024) and if I forgot someone , hope not, i am sorry
All your comments about vocals touched me :) (hope this french expression exists in english :o)
I am really glad to know & be part now this great forum, yes guys I discover new musics, new artists with talents, greats & kinds :),
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) : I am so happy that our virtual musical encounter lead to make music beyond fronteers , to know a little more about you, and yes I'm counting on you for new collabs, I'll be very pleased, and will enjoy it for sure.
j'espère ne pas avoir trop "abimé" votre belle langue :)
Bonne journée à tous,
Cécile
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Really like the new mix guys (though a couple of pops around 1’46”?).
Well done indeed!
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Lovely track and a lovely voice too.
I would shadow what other people have said here and just note that the mix sounds a little bit frequencies-clash-y (that's the technical term). I'm also not totally sure if my ears are hearing right but it does sound a little heavily compressed too, it feels like it should breathe a bit more.
Honestly though, I'm nit picking and I really enjoyed the piece! I'd love to hear it sung in French :)
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Loved the jingly guitars and vocals. It's a great song also. My only issue is that the instrumentation was a little busy and indistinct compared to the vocal but otherwise a very lovely song, beautifully sung and played.
M
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Hi Pomps,
Again nice song, on my monitors didnt hear any boominess but you may have fixed the mix on that by now, The lady vocalist has a lot of energy in the 3k range, I would compress the S**t out of them to get back control. also a bit of automation.
Nice overall sound tho, acoustic GTRS sound nice and wide. (I like that), the vocalist has a an intimate vocal, I think someone said you should drop a softer mr pomps vox in with that, I reckon that would be smooth.
Again I am with Shadowfax, I dont like picking holes peoples hard work, lovely track and top work on bringing it all together.
Cheers
Andy
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@David Christy Jones (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21130) @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) and @Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938) Thank you all so much for your feedback - I would much prefer to have this kind of constructive feedback than anything else. Every day is a learning day for me. It's always exciting and interesting working with new vocalists. If I'm doing the vocals myself, I've got a pretty reliable FX chain that suits my rusty old voice box but mixing vocals with a different tone takes a bit of work.
Thank you all so much once again :)
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A fine song. Interesting to hear it sung by someone else.
Sounds to me like a twelve string
I don't care much for the voice, just not my thing, too sugary sensual.
I'm sure everyone else likes it.
You're full of surprises, I like that you're trying new things.
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Ooh...Fabulous vocals and I loved the feel and simplicity of it.
Guitars sound great (a capo, I'm guessing? I found one in the cupboard t'other day and I remembered how excellent they can sound!)
Really great little song...lovely understated performances too...it must be hard to hold back when you can really go to town!
More than happy to listen to much more like this, please!
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) @Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938) @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) @David Christy Jones (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21130)
Hey Guys , thanks for the vocals comments, I blushed :) and thanks @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) for your great music; and allow me to sing it :)
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) : I take note ;D ;D
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Well, I sure wasn't ready for that to end! What a nice, light, airy sound....
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Yo John,I caught this one on FB,good to take another earful.
The female vox are lovely and I love the way you make room for them in the mix. The capoed guitar has a mandolin feel (I've been thinking about buying one of those cheapies just...because ;D)
Love this John,quite a bit different for you too.
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Thank you @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) .Yep those capos are weird beasts indeed ;D Working on some more collab stuff with @Melusine2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22580) which is a refreshing change after having to listen to my own vocals !
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Hi PJ/Cecile,
Really good song.
Vocal is so natural and well delivered. Quality.
Music is quite uplifting, and a nice contrast to the lyrical theme.
I get some Stones too - kind of As Tears Go By vibe.
Great collab.
Digger