The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Pres on February 24, 2020, 11:55:13 AM
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One lift away
The elevator is moving up
you didn't make it right
they don't have seconds for
the buss that is full of children
in which I don't know how to get out
You better not laugh at me
please help me out
Get out of this mood
Don't let yourself down
when all you need is one move/foot
to get her charm/kick it out
Feeling so haughty won't pop you out
Feeling so broken will lead you apart
of all of the things that you like
One lift away from the station
You can't leave me behind!
One lift away from the station
Now let the story be shouted!
The show is about to start
you didn't make it right
they don't have tickets for
the city that is full of bribes
i don't know how to depart
you better not laugh at me
Please help me out
The meeting partly sucked
you made it pretty rough for them
they had no other choice but to defer you
with a broad grin
you better not wait for me
just figure it out
https://soundcloud.com/user-650616761/one-liftdemov2
Weather you think it's good or just rubbish :)
It'd be nice to hear some thoughts.
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Hi @Dyoung (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22314) and welcome to the forum :)
It's always pretty daunting posting your first song on the forum. I think this had a lovely loose, quirky feel to it. Kinda reminded me of some Velvet Underground stuff. I guess the guitar could have come up a bit in the mix. What are you using to record your stuff ? An interesting debut for sure. Good look and welcome again :)
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I agree with pompeyjazz. In fact, I about to write something similar when the system told me someone had answered while I was listening. I don't know this genre, so I can't speak to the vocals, but I did like the relaxed delivery. I really would have liked to hear the guitar better. I was hearing some really nice guitar work back in there.
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) Thank you very much!
I've been a ghost member for a while and still amazed by the variety and quality in this community.
It was my phone recording me my Vox and Strat.
the guitar was pretty low because of the neighbors :)
I made a daw version which needs some work
but I think it's pretty close.
https://soundcloud.com/user-650616761/one-liftdemov2
Any kind of comment/feedback would be much appreciated.
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I can hear the guitar better now. I can't hear the voice on the verses, as well, though. I wonder if some EQ adjusting or something would help with that? I don't know much about mixing. I can hear the vocals pretty well on the choruses, as your voice is louder and more clear.
By the way, I like how you "lift" your voice up when you say "one lift away from the station". Nice prosody!
Vicki
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Hi,
It's a good song. Indeed, I can hear Lou Reed singing, too. I think the singing could be affirmed. It also remains to balance the instruments in the mix but the essence of the song is there.
Good job!