The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Paulski on February 23, 2020, 06:20:07 PM
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Sorry for not being around these parts lately - I promise to catch up!
Another short waltz - comments good or bad welcomed!
Waltz One More Waltz (https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/waltz-one-more-waltz)
In a teenaged romance
At our last high-school dance
We were ready to move to the beat
But the band wasn't kind
They played in three quarter time
And it seemed like I'd grown two left feet
Then you said "Follow me"
"Count it out: 'One two three'"
And you waltzed one more waltz with me
Waltz one more waltz
Through life's failings and faults
I struggle to dance to its beat
But you say "Follow me"
"Count it out: 'One two three'"
And you waltz one more waltz with me
Now the eighties would fade
We had a family to raise
Late at night when the kids were asleep
We put the radio on
And they played that old song
You would waltz one more waltz with me
Waltz one more waltz
Through life's failings and faults
I struggle to dance to its beat
But you say "Follow me"
"Count it out: 'One two three'"
And you waltz one more waltz with me
Now our children have grown
Through the years you have shown
Something I wouldn't ever have seen
That the world doesn't rhyme
It's never in common time
But my heart never misses a beat..
When you waltz one more waltz with me
Waltz one more waltz
Through life's failings and faults
It's no trouble to dance to its beat
When you say "Follow me"
"Count it out: 'One two three'"
And waltz one more waltz with me
So say "Follow me"
"Count it out:
'One'
'Two'
'Three'"...
And waltz one more waltz with me.
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Well, I tried, but I couldn't find anything wrong with it. I like feel-good songs. About life. This is nice. I was kind of afraid it was going to go right to old age and the grave and get sad at the end, but it didn't, so I was able to be cheerful all the way through to the end.
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Good to see you back @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) This is unmistakably you. You're a master of this kind of song. Clever composition and love the simplicity
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A lovely "feel good" song!
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) Hi Paul, another beautifully crafted and performed song. You always produce a quality product.
Cheers
Jamie
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What a great song, and one that everyone can relate to in their own way.
I can't remember where I read it (multiple places, I'm sure) but I once heard a great bit of wisdom that went something like: A great songwriter can make a song about themselves that makes every listener feel like it's about them.
I think you've done a great job of that here, and definitely achieved that.
Also, kudos for the Willie Nelson vibes! :D
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Great first song of the year that we have heard from you Paul. It is a lovely, sentimental song that never gets too schmaltzy, a hard one to pull off - but I think you got the balance just right. Once again I think this would be a great song or soundtrack for a gentle movie with a lifelong love theme, like a few of your previous songs in fact. Your style is so unique, it is hard to give you valid pointers, but what you do is expertly pulled off! :)
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Lovely stuff. I think Faults and waltz is my favorite rhyme of 2020.
There are a couple of things here that place it somewhat specifically in time ("the eighties", "the radio") - I wondered if this was necessary. Yes, waltzing is a bit of a dated passtime and we imagine a particular generation being into that, but perhaps it could work just as well and more inclusively without those things? Just a thought.
But great to hear a positive simple relatable song with no cliches or manufactured twists or turns.
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Nice to hear a new one from you Paul, and this is a really lovely song :) Sentimental, but not overly. The lyrics are really sweet, but not overly 8) Waltz's always have a soft spot for me, because I remember my dad teaching me to waltz when I was a kid, by standing on his feet :) thanks for this uplifting song :)
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Your writing talent shines brighter than ever on this one Paul 8) not my kinda song but the talent just cannot be denied.. :)
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Hi Paul,
Took me a minute to find the link to the song - suddenly dawned on me to click the title. :D
This has your unique style all over it.
Perfect vocal delivery.
Mix is great - the vocals sit perfectly against the music.
Your music can't help but bring a smile.
Nice one.
Digger
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Paul,
All done with your usual charm and ingenuity. Sounds authentic from a previous era, like its been lying around for years.
Like the way you bring the M8 to chorus.
:-)
Neil
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Thanks all for listening and commenting :D
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) cheers Vicki. Not ready for the grave - yet. Hey there's s song title for you ;D Thanks!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Thanks John very kind of you ;D
@PaulG (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21306) hey another Paul! The site's getting paulier by the minute. thanks for the kind words
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) thanks for the vote of confidence Jamie. I still have much to learn though :D
@David Christy Jones (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21130) - cheers David. I think I agree with that philosophy - glad you think I achieved it with this waltz.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) Thanks Michael Well the lyrics are pretty smaltzy - but glad I didn't cross that line in your books ;D
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) cheers Adam - great points about the lyrics dating the song. Actually I've already pushed the timeline by 20 years compared to my own life :D - and even that sounds dated ;D Guess I am too :D
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) Thanks Suzy - what a great memory waltzing with your Dad. Cheers for the + vote from the left coast.
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) cheers Kevin means a lot from someone not into the genre, Not sure I am either but ya gotta go with what comes along don't cha? :D
@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) cheers digger and thx for the comments on my vocals and mix - always a challenge for me.
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) thanks Neil. "authentic from a previous era" haha - probably because it's stolen ;D The good thing is I have no idea who I stole it from :D Always fun to figure out a way to get back into the song after the bridge. I'm happy you think it worked.
Hope I didn't miss anyone - if I did I apologize - profusely!
Paul
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It's always a pleasure to listen to your music. It's simply a matter of sitting back to discover where you skilfully steer the song. Your lyrics are very accomplished. I enjoyed the experience very much.
Paul
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Lovely song @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) .. I've always been partial to a nice waltz I must admit.. Lyrics are great and the instrumentation is spot on.. Put on a smile on my face this one.. loved it!
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Sweet as a nut.
Do you have a time machine? Would you go back to a different era if you could? I'm pretty sure I would...I'd have to find some way of taking a few folks with me, of course...but the idea of a quieter more gentle life somewhere else is one that really appeals to me.
They'd be playing music like this, I think.
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This song can take you back in time
I like the nostalgic feeling in this,
great lyrics and simplicity.
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Hi Paul,
Long time no hear. I love the tone you've got on your acoustic guitar and the string arrangement is neat. A very catchy number which has managed to inbed itself in my brain. There isn't a forced thyme to be seen - it's got that thing I look for in lyrics and that's a conversational ease and naturalness. Such a clever piece of songwriting. I enjoyed it very much.
M
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@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) cheers Paul - very kind of you. Hope I didn't steer it into the ditch :)
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Thanks Karen - I like waltzes too - something about the odd time signature. Glad you liked it
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) cheers Paul. Yeah buy me a ticket on that time machine too. As long as I can take my laptop and DAW along :)
@Dyoung (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22314) thanks for that - nostalgic works for me!
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) cheers Alan - thanks for dropping by. Happy to get a thumbs up on the lyrics too. Even if they're a bit corny :)
cheers all for listening. :)