The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: crystalsuzy on February 14, 2020, 01:01:00 PM
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Happy Valentines everyone :-* And because it's this very special day, I'm sharing this love song. It was one of the first songs I ever wrote, but I don't think I've shared it on this forum before. If I have, please forgive the repeat. ::)
PS Is there any way you can look up all of the songs you've shared over the years on this forum? Is there a list somewhere on my profile?
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/first-night-1
Our paths crossed late one night
We talked and we laughed till the break of dawn
With a fire on the beach, we heard the sound
Of seagulls and voices and ocean waves
The moon was bright the air was cool
A light spring rain fell from the sky
Trees up above, they kept us dry
As our bodies entwined into the night
How could I be so lucky, to meet you in this lifetime?
How could I be so fortunate, to have your life, part of mine?
The sun rose silent from the ocean floor
We watched in a trance with a sense of awe
It all seemed surreal, and so divine
With seagulls and voices and ocean waves
CHORUS:
BRIDGE:
Who knows, where tomorrow goes
The past is gone; will the future come?
Today’s all we got, so lets make it count
With you, what more could I ask?
The scene was set we didn’t have a chance
The moon and the fire and the ocean waves
Our hearts filled with joy, as our souls they touched
It was loves first night on the beach till dawn
Instrumental
Twenty years have past and now we celebrate
With wine and cheese and chocolate cake
Every year we go to that very same beach
And our love lives on, eternally
CHORUS:
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Hi CS, a touch of the CSN&Y boys I think. A more sparse arrangement than I've come to expect from you.Nice harmonies and a nice vibe. Very good!
Cheers
Jamie
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Simply lovely @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) A wonderful love song with some fantastic late 60s vibes :)
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Damn sweet song.
And you say it's really old?
You must have an incredible back catalogue.
Evocative. Thanks for sharing.
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Very nice... especially like the bridge. I also got a 60s Laurel Canyon feel from it. I liked the way there are some rhymes but you also have not tied yourself to a rhyme scheme. Plus, you can’t beat a seagull sound effect. 👍
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Hi CS, a touch of the CSN&Y boys I think. A more sparse arrangement than I've come to expect from you.Nice harmonies and a nice vibe. Very good!
Cheers
Jamie
thanks Jamie...CSN&Y...I love those guys! Yes, I do have some songs that are more sparsely arranged. I'm glad you liked the vibe and harmonies.
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@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) - Very nice, it's a bit like the prequel to Star Wars, seeing what came before some of your more recent work, very revealing in that regard.
I really like this one, although I try to like do da do's (a pet hate for me, that and whistling!)
Love the flute, the sea and the gulls, I can imagine you on the beach, open another beer, from me Suzy
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Hi Suzy, really nice and interesting to hear your style from a few years back. It does sound quite a bit more mainstream for you, but there are hints are what was to come with the densely written lyrics and the double vocal technique. I think it suited you, that more stripped back and chilled out mode. It's a lovely song for Valentine's, very wistful and charming. I enjoyed it very much ;)
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Awesome tune, and wonderful harmonic work!
It's been said already but a real feel of the 60's/70's folk here.
At first I kinda felt Joni Mitchell but to be honest, on second and third listen it is far more CSN&Y.
I have nothing to say in regards to improving on this, to be honest. It's a very well constructed and executed piece. If I was to do anything to it I would add a very gentle flute. I feel the voicing of a flute would blend beautifully with the harmonies. But that's about the only thing I would add, and it's perfect without it.
Love it!
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Simply lovely @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) A wonderful love song with some fantastic late 60s vibes :)
Aww, thanks so much John. I guess it does have that late 60's vibe.
Damn sweet song.
And you say it's really old?
You must have an incredible back catalogue.
Evocative. Thanks for sharing.
thanks so much Rightly. It's a completely true story. Now, I didn't say it was really old, I just said it was one of the first songs that I wrote...LOL! :)
I recorded it about 3 years ago :)
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Hi Suzy,
Well now, a bit more restrained than some of your "outhere" arrangements. :D
More mainstream - albeit 60s mainstream; which is a good thing.
Sounds like it should be performed on the beach at night.
Digger
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Hi
A really lovely song with great lyrics and fabulous harmonies. Very evocative thanks for sharing.
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Very nice... especially like the bridge. I also got a 60s Laurel Canyon feel from it. I liked the way there are some rhymes but you also have not tied yourself to a rhyme scheme. Plus, you can’t beat a seagull sound effect. 👍
thanks PaulX. the 60's vibe is fine with me. Ya, the rhyme pattern didn't seem that important in this one, and you're the first to mention it, so I guess it isn't :)
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) - Very nice, it's a bit like the prequel to Star Wars, seeing what came before some of your more recent work, very revealing in that regard.
I really like this one, although I try to like do da do's (a pet hate for me, that and whistling!)
Love the flute, the sea and the gulls, I can imagine you on the beach, open another beer, from me Suzy
LOL! Love the prequel analogy. I'm glad it put this imagery into your mind. Thanks
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Lovely.
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I loved it as I knew I would.
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Great storytelling, lovely details and descriptions. The way you (both) sing "to have your life, part of mine?" is especially beautiful. Such a relaxed and peaceful picture.
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Hi Suzy, really nice and interesting to hear your style from a few years back. It does sound quite a bit more mainstream for you, but there are hints are what was to come with the densely written lyrics and the double vocal technique. I think it suited you, that more stripped back and chilled out mode. It's a lovely song for Valentine's, very wistful and charming. I enjoyed it very much ;)
thanks Michael, much appreciated. glad you found it charming an wistful. I did write a lot of songs that were quite mainstream when I first started out. It wasn't till I discovered how I could produce songs in garage band with so many other instruments that launched my rather unconventional song writing career. Lol!
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Hi Suzy,
Shades of "Summer The First Time" by Bobby Goldsboro. This is more conventional than your later songs but there is nothing wrong with that. I like the interplay between the two lead voices - almost Sony & Cher-like or perhaps the Mama & The Papas. In fact the whole thing has a late 60's summer of love feel to it particularly the flute part. A lovely confection of a song.
M
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Well thats a really beautiful song Suz!!! Its got such a gorgeous melody all dressed up with some sublime, beach boysesque harmonies.😁👍🏻 i love the random zap Sfx before the recorder solo. Really Well done mate....and btw...you two sound great together.🎶👍🏻🎶
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Awesome tune, and wonderful harmonic work!
It's been said already but a real feel of the 60's/70's folk here.
At first I kinda felt Joni Mitchell but to be honest, on second and third listen it is far more CSN&Y.
I have nothing to say in regards to improving on this, to be honest. It's a very well constructed and executed piece. If I was to do anything to it I would add a very gentle flute. I feel the voicing of a flute would blend beautifully with the harmonies. But that's about the only thing I would add, and it's perfect without it.
Love it!
thanks so much for your lovely comments DCJ. CSN&Y...thanks! I like the idea of adding a flute to blend with the voices.
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I don't think I can add to what's already been said (nice vocals, nice laid-back style, good structure, etc). Liked it very much.
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Suzy,
Like the honest stripped back feel of this, lyrically and just how the whole thing feels.
With a lovely easy going, hippy vibe. Love the flat flute solo too.
With Do do do do do's, sound Fx and stuff!
:-)
neil