The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: rightly on February 12, 2020, 10:42:53 PM
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I've been struggling with this all day.
Musically its mostly there too.
It's been exhausting and fun.
I did ask myself for one last strong song for the next album.
Feedback would be good. :)
Here I Am Dying
the writer presents this evening
a work of queer fiction
time of the month for bleeding
all you do is criticise
I hope you're sitting pretty
with all that you deserve
your bloodhounds they jus' lurve me
as the whole world turns aside
well here I am dying
the best that I can
as you live the life of
a half hearted man
call me the life o' th' party
and you best steer well clear
I listen to you n' hardly
run the dry sands of time
I've no mind to be boxed in
that is no way to roll
there must be a room waiting
somewhere for you and your kind
cuz' here I am giving
ev'rything I am
as you make the rounds like
some half-ass hearted man
here I am dying...
a child at the time, I was
up to my neck in crime
no one was innocent... nobody...
I'll jump over my shadow
at no small expense
we are unequal don't
think of us as friends
here I am dying...
_______
Rightly.
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Hey Rightly
Great lyrics. They're dark and intriguing and each time I read them I look for a different meaning. Unfortunately, for me, your ideas are too clever and there's no way I'll be able to give any constructive feedback! :P (...I probably shouldn't have started that last sentence with unfortunately, sorry! as I meant that as a positive not a negative...)
I look forward to hearing the music! If there's any parts you are not happy with then let me know and I will happily help but they look good to go for me. The stronger songwriters might be more enlightening.
I always read your lyrics with interest, I find they just draw me in.
Cheers :)
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Hey Rightly
Great lyrics. They're dark and intriguing and each time I read them I look for a different meaning. Unfortunately, for me, your ideas are too clever and there's no way I'll be able to give any constructive feedback! :P (...I probably shouldn't have started that last sentence with unfortunately, sorry! as I meant that as a positive not a negative...)
I look forward to hearing the music! If there's any parts you are not happy with then let me know and I will happily help but they look good to go for me. The stronger songwriters might be more enlightening.
I always read your lyrics with interest, I find they just draw me in.
Cheers :)
Hi @Darren1664 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20970)
You're one of my favourite artists here!
I made small changes to the lyrics.
And I've made massive progress on the music. It's been truly exhausting.
Still way off finished because I want it to be one of my very best.
Its great on acoustic guitar.
Theres only so much active listening I can do in one session, so I've had to take a day off.
I cant wait to have it finished.
I'll post the new lyrics.
All the best!
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Newer version.
_______________________
Here I am dying
the writer presents this evening
a work of queer fiction
time of the month for bleeding
all you do is criticise
hope you're sitting pretty
with all that you deserve
your bloodhounds they jus' lurve me
as the whole world turns aside
well here I am dying
the very best I can
as you live the life of
a half-arsed hearted man
here I am dying, here I am dying
call me the life o' th' party
n' y' best stand well clear
I listen to you n' hardly
run the dry sands of time
no mind to be reigned in
that is no way to roll
there must be a room waiting
somewhere for you n' your kind
cuz' here I am giving
ev'rything I am
as you make the rounds like
some half-arsed hearted man
here I am dying, here I am dying
a child at the time, I was
up to my neck in crime
no one was innocent
nobody, no one was lucky
jump over that shadow
at your own expense
we are unequal don't
think of us as friends
here I am dying, here I am dying
half-arsed hearted man
__________________________
I can't wait to have this ready!