The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Sebandme on January 16, 2020, 01:24:05 PM
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Hey everyone! Hope everyone is doing fine.
A little song I wrote just before Christmas-
The song is about a feeling on reflection on something that happened to a friend many years ago and well thought I'd quite like to share with you brilliant folk.
Listen to need to finish by Sebastian And Me on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/sebastianandme/need-to-finish
I choked on every single word you said
Life as we knew it would never be the same again.
The shock of your words made my blood run cold
oh ritchie man, you’ll just never know.
how the summer days would feel on our skin,
how the winter nights would keep drawing us in.
bridge
I I I I
chorus
I kept running I kept running,
to get anywhere away from here.
I kept running, I kept on running,
I didnt want to accept what
I didn't want to accept what happened that day.
Verse2
Every single day you’d creep into my thoughts,
Left me asking questions for what id know the answers for.
Pointless reasons for circumstances i cant change,
Man, im going round in circles thinking of you again.
Bridge
I I I I
Chorus 2
I kept on running I kept on running,
to anywhere i couldnt feel the pain
I kept on running, I kept on running,
I didnt want to accept what,
I didnt want to accept what happened that day , that day
Let me cry
Lord let me cry
Oh lord I
Oh cry.
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Nice work @Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) - To me it's OK about the no speak thing, we all have other things to do, health issues, house moves, and of course Work...
Guitars are superb, these personal songs are always a winner..
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Hi, really good song, great vocals.Nicely produced too. Very enjoyable.
Cheers
Jamie
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Very heartfelt; your production and vocals all work together well on this.
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You have a melodic style that's very moody, maybe reminiscent of someone like The Verve, that bitter sweet indie kind of thing.
The ending is really great and over all too soon, great final flourish!
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Thanks for the replies much appreciated. @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) its all work and no play at the moment lol. That's life though!
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Yo Seb, your voice is the star for me on this one... great variation in delivery and lots of emotion at the right places.
If you’re still polishing it (does the title mean you are?) I thought it could benefit from a bit more variation of the drum loop, which could be working harder for the song I thought.
The lush indie mood you create is great, I really like your stuff - right up my alley.
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@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) thanks for the feedback! Yes I agree with you about the drums. Thankyou for taking the time to listen give me feedback it's much appreciated. Glad you like the vocal :-)
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Fine song my friend, just thought you used it all up from the get go, as a result there wasn't much light and shade in the arrangement which is a pity for such a good piece..vocal seemed a little low in the mix also.. :)
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Hi
This song has the making of a great Indie anthem.i really like the introduction and verse and I think you have a great voice.As others have said though the drum track does the song no favours but im sure thats easily fixed.
However I do think that the bridge/chorus section needs more development in order to.make it truly melodic and memorable in order for the song to reach its full potential.