The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Grubstar on January 05, 2020, 01:11:17 PM
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Hi everybody
This a first time posting of one of our songs, I hope you like it and would appreciate any feedback.
https://soundcloud.com/grubstar1/thieving-hands
Thieving Hands
All the ties that bind us
Everything we know
Put the past behind us
Let it go
All the lies they told you
All the nights you cried
Take away the sadness
Put it all aside
It’s the silly little things
That tear your world apart
Never let those thieving hands
Break into your heart
Anytime it hurts you
Every time you’re down
Tell yourself its over
Turn it all around
You can run for shelter
When you feel the rain
But it won’t last forever
Love will come again
It’s the silly little things
That tear your world apart
Never let those thieving hands
Break into your heart
Hold on, hold on tight
When they make demands
Don’t give out and don’t give in
To those thieving hands
It’s the silly little things
That tear your world apart
Never let those thieving hands
Break into your heart
© 2019 Atkin & Williams
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Welcome!
A mighty fine first offering I must say. A catchy number well executed and produced.
That snare is wicked, me like!
A few comments, just personal opinions so keep or sweep
- to me the vocals were a bit too up front
- think the synths could back off a bit and let the guitars take a step forward (but then I'm a guitar player so...)
- when the bass moves up in register during the chorus the low end is almost left unattended which cause the mix to sound a bit unbalanced and "trebly" there. The bass line itself has some "odd" notes in the chorus that I would consider to rethink since imho they don't quite fit with the style of the track.
Minor stuff of course, well done & welcome once again!
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agree with Jambrains on most everything..good song though..just sounds a bit thin on my gear...
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Welcome to the forum mate. Decent production on this, vocals are decent and suit the style of song. Good work man
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Yo @Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) Great to hear some of your music. Nicely produced and performed. I really enjoyed the listen and looking forward to some more stuff this year :)
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Hi, nice song played well. I also agree with some of the comments about the mix and the bass, but if this is your first post, well done.You should have heard mine ;).
Nice one
Cheers
Jamie
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Many thanks to all who listened and to the constructive feedback it is much appreciated. I wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year,
Cheers
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Hi Grunstar. Welcome to the forum. Echo most of the above comments. The whole thing is a bit treblely but it's a catchy song and well sung regardless. I would ditch that annoying sound effect right at the start though. It's hard on the ears. Cheers Micky
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Really like the concept of the thieving hands breaking into your heart.. great sound and great lyrics. Enjoyed it immensely and look forward to hearing more of your songs - welcome to the forum!!
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Great catchy song and nice concept.
Perhaps synths a teeny bit too prominent/trebly in the chorus?
I didn't really like "hmmm, let it go" as that really sounded like another word needed to be found (though I know how that goes!)
But small things really, nice work - especially the chorus where the energy really lifts up nicely.
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I think these lyrics are great, its a catchy melody as well.
As Jambrains mentioned the vocals needing to sit better in the mix
stood out to me the most as needing adjusting. Nice job on this catchy tune!
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@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) - (listening on AKG K701) Love this song, especially the snare, just has the same haunting effect as the Fine Young Cannibals "She drives me crazy", haven't heard Solina strings for yonks, sounds lovely, albeit sometimes a little prominent in the mix, also the Acoustic strumming is very effective. All in all a very well delivered and constructed.
Hooky chorus, maybe pick a line from the verse and use that as a lead guitar line, sometimes works well, it takes away the appearance of 'noodling' a solo rather than planning it. (maybe that's what you wanted - I remember working with one band and the guitarist was absolutely brilliant, but he wanted a solo that sounded like he was just starting out)
Super double tracked LVox lines, I felt that the BVox could be a tad tighter, a bit more focus in the delivery.
The bass line is very good indeed, but just needs to come up in the mix.
Great ideas, a joy to listen to.
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Hi,
Good title, neat intro, like the mix of electronic and acoustic guitar in the verses.
And then you break into the chorus which is very catchy and upbeat. Really like the vocals there too.
Lyrics concise and neat m8 too.
Good work, thanks for sharing.
:-)
neil
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I’ve listened to this song about 5-6 times.
Great backing to this track (almost a modern REM feel).
Of the six songs from the forum that I playlisted this week to review this is the one that compelled me to join in the chorus…I simply couldn’t help it!
The principle synth line reminds me of Gymnopedie No.1 by Erik Satie….(no bad thing)
The verse is good but its the initial lift into the chorus that makes this song for me. I loved it.
Some points to consider;
1. Overall the backing (particularly the rhythm) seemed a little low in the mix
2. The main synth line is also fractionally too prominent in the mix.
Aside from these minor balance issues I think the song is great.
Thank you for sharing your music with me.
Hope this helps,
Paul
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Again a sincere thanks to every one who took time out to listen to our song and a special shout out to those who took time to comment.
I've really been taken aback about the positivity and warm welcome to the forum regarding our efforts and have taken on board the constructive and helpful feedback which I will use to try and improve our songs moving forward.
Grubstar
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That’s really nice of you to take the time to say that, I’m only a relatively new member here but i concur with your comments, the folk here are very selfless.
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BIG WELCOME to the forum Grubstar :) And what a great first song. Totally enjoyed the listen and love how the chorus lifts the song. I like the context of the lyrics and the way they're delivered vocally :) I think the bass could come up a little and the drums and synth are maybe a little too predominant in the mix, but pretty minor points and I'm certainly no expert when it comes to mixing :-\ Can't wait to hear more of your songs :)
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@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532) I think its pretty cool! Got a feeling of Joy Division!
Chrous is strong!
Good job :-)
Only thing intro could be shorter, that's my only thing tho!
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That really is a catchy chorus...just had to come back and confirm that the tune goin round in my head was this song..and it was!! 8) 8)
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I thought this was a powerful mid-tempo piece, very nicely produced with all the elements finding their space (there's a lot going on but it doesn't feel cluttered). Nothing I would suggest to change. The synth/guitar balance put me in mind of latter-day Genesis. Nice to hear one of your tracks and I look forward to hearing more.
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Quality first offering.
I don’t think I can add anything that hasn’t already been said, so I’ll just look forward to what you deliver next.
Okay, one thing, the ending was a little abrupt, could have done with a few more seconds to end naturally imho.
Yodasdad
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Very much my kind of sound. A cracking song. I'd have liked to have heard a little bit more punch in the bass end...but that's nowt, really.
Really strong lyrically and nice vocals too.