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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: seriousfun on December 08, 2019, 07:46:39 PM

Title: She is Hope
Post by: seriousfun on December 08, 2019, 07:46:39 PM
Having just endured a few years where creative juices and inspiration deserted me, I have become a grandfather for the first time.  Its only appropriate that this special occasion should be the trigger in my life to motivate me to write again.  So this song, "She is Hope" is written about the beautiful grand daughter my Son and Daughter In-law have produced ( I only produce songs these days ).

Its  a song straight from the heart so as such I present with just piano and bass as accompaniment. I feel the stripped back acoustic arrangement will better focus the attention on my vocal that hiding it away amid a full production. This is a special song for me, one of only three I have ever written. My first was when my father in-law died, the second was when I feared I may die and I wrote a goodbye to my wife and of course this one.

You can here it here

https://soundcloud.com/allan-kilgour/she-is-hope (https://soundcloud.com/allan-kilgour/she-is-hope)


She is Hope
=========


VERSE ONE

It rained and rained for days and days
but the weather broke when she was born

With jet black hair and skinny legs
her pretty face arrived in the morn'

CHORUS

She is loved
she is soft as soap
she's cherished
She is Hope


VERSE TWO

Her tiny nose and wrinkly toes
a perfect babe in every way
Her dark black eyes brimmed with surprise
A miracle has come to stay

CHORUS

She is loved
She is soft as Soap
She's cherished
She is Hope


BRIDGE

Her father loves her
And her mother loves her strong
Her nanny loves her
And her Poppa loves her so much that he even wrote this song


CHORUS

She is loved
She is soft as soap
She's cherished
She is Hope

She is loved
She is soft as soap
She's cherished
She is Hope



(c) Allan Kilgour 2019.
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: MonnoDB on December 08, 2019, 08:25:07 PM
Hey Allan @seriousfun (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18630)  - welcome back :)! I remember you from before from another site.. it’s great to hear your music again.. This is a very sweet song - such beautiful sentiments and sincerity oozing from this. Lyrics are beautiful and they are delivered perfectly with this simple piano / vox arrangement. I just loved it!
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: CaliaMoko on December 08, 2019, 10:18:14 PM
This is lovely. No extra wordiness. The stripped down treatment is perfect. I have no nits.

You only wrote three songs ever?? In your whole life?? Who wrote "That's the Way We Roll"??? One of my all-time favorites, by the way. Is that one of the three? It doesn't sound like a good-bye song, so I am very, very curious.
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: seriousfun on December 08, 2019, 10:37:08 PM
@monnoDB    Thank you so much for the kind words. This song has given me so much pleasure in producing and comments like yours are the icing on the cake.

@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928)    Thanks also for your kind praise. I can understand how you are confused, I have re read my original post and its not word as succinctly as I had thought, so its a little ambiguous.  What I was meaning to say is that I have only ever written three songs that are of special significance to me personally.  The total number of songs I have written is of course much, much, much , much greater. Its called the shotgun approach. If I write hundreds of songs maybe one of them will be ok :)
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: crystalsuzy on December 08, 2019, 11:28:32 PM
So nice to hear your music again Allan :) I can see why this one is so special to you, it's beautiful. It's so much from your heart, it touched mine.
There can be nothing quite as aw inspiring as the birth of a baby, so your first grand child is a momentous occasion and you've written the perfect
song for it  8) I love the stripped down version and I hope you are inspired to write more music  :)
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: seriousfun on December 09, 2019, 12:15:27 AM
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) Thank you for the comments. I also hope I am inspired to write again, only time will tell. But this one was so special, it forced its way out of me.  I have been struggling so much lyrically over the past few years, nothing has seemed to inspire me. I don't want to just write about the same old stuff using different words, and I don't have the creative mind that you have to be able to delve into such strange and diverse areas. You are very gifted in that respect where, dear Suzy, I am a little grain of sand on the beach surround by millions of other identical grains of sand and I just cant see past them.
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: Wicked Deeds on December 09, 2019, 06:52:36 AM
Hey Alan,

It's been such a long time. I hope you are well.

I think you were right to present this song with a limited pallete of instruments. The song takes centre stage. It is heart-felt and proud, This is a lovely gift to welcome your grandchild into the world. Love is the greatest gift we can give to anyone! Fine piano playing, choice of words andca neat vocal. Great to see you around again.

Paul
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: adamfarr on December 09, 2019, 12:33:25 PM
Hi Allan - great to see you back. I sometimes would wonder where you were, remembering how helpful and encouraging you were to me in my early days on this forum and recording.

Love this one - it has a little tinge of Bob Seger in the piano and lovely original lyrics. Your voice sounds fine to me - I might even raise it a touch in the mix...

Hope you are doing well and we can hear more from you again!
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: Jamie on December 09, 2019, 05:22:52 PM
Hi Allan, you haven't been around for a while! Hope all is well.

Nicely understated song.Simple arrangement suits the feel of the song too.Nicely done Allan.

Cheers
Jamie
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: PaulyX on December 09, 2019, 11:02:55 PM
Hello Allan, I think this is the first one of yours I have heard.  Well this has a great heartfelt honesty and simplicity to it and the delicate stripped back production suits the mood very well, as do the calmly delivered, natural sounding vocals.  Heart warming.  Congratulations to you and your family on the arrival of your little 'Hope'.
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: MichaelA on December 10, 2019, 11:48:27 AM
Hi there, and congratulations on your news! It is very sweet that this inspired you to write a song, and the song itself is as pure and beautiful as anything a grandfather could possibly come up with. A family treasure to go with your new family treasure!  ;)
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: pompeyjazz on December 10, 2019, 06:13:12 PM
Hey Allan, great to see you back on the forum after a long time. I remember form my early days and how much encouragement you gave to me.

This is a lovely arrangement full of emotion and you can tell from your voice that it's from the heart.

Congratulations on the new addition to the family  :)
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: PaulAds on December 10, 2019, 09:32:22 PM
Great to hear from you, Allan. This is beautiful. I guess it could have been longer...but I'm only saying that because I was really enjoying it :-)

Hope you get to enjoy many wonderful years watching her grow up.
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: hardtwistmusic on December 10, 2019, 10:10:29 PM
Absolutely beautiful
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: seriousfun on December 11, 2019, 11:14:39 PM
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) Thanks for the kind words. Yup, my Hiatus was much longer than I ever thought it would be, but it is nice to be writing again. Long may it last.

@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) Thanks for the welcome back. Its so nice touching base with old friends.

@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) glad you like. Thank you for the encouragement.

@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) Thanks for the well wishes. And, yes you would not have heard any of my work before, I have had 3 years away.

@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) Thank you for the kind words. Nice to touch base with you again.

@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Hi mate. That avatar of yours got me at the start. I thought at first you had one of those 'Afro' haircuts from the 70's then I thought no its just a weird hat, now I realise its the background behind you lol.

@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Thanks for the comments. I kept it short so I could remember the words lol.

@ hardtwistmusic   Thanks for listening mate. Glad you enjoyed,.

Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: Skub on December 12, 2019, 10:22:14 PM
Yo Allan,it's cool to see you back posting and writing.  :)

This is a lovely piece,heartfelt and thus real.

The sparse arrangement works well because the song and the delivery are strong.

Thanks for sharing man.  8)
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: Bostonfan2 on December 13, 2019, 10:49:11 PM
Very sweet song! nicely done !
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: David Christy Jones on December 14, 2019, 02:17:43 AM
Real honest feel to this; there's no question that those lyrics are deeply personal to you. Honestly, that kind of emotional honesty can't be forged or feigned. People try, but it just never quite hits the mark the same way. But you definitely hit home with it, and let us into a little window of your life. In a way, that to me is the real goal of good songwriting - to allow somebody in and see and feel what you do.

Goal achieved.
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: cowparsleyman on December 14, 2019, 11:38:27 AM
@seriousfun (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18630) - Lovely to hear from you, 'pretty face arrived in the morn' love that line....Superb work man...lovely production.

Hope it won't be so long until the next song.
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: digger72 on December 15, 2019, 11:41:09 AM
Hi Allan,

Seems we're all finding our mojo - or at least trying. Welcome back.

Agree the arrangement is more than enough in its current form - doesn't need loads more instrumentation throwing at it.
Simple, loving message delivered in the perfect way.

Digger
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: pnb99 on January 01, 2020, 03:27:08 PM
Hi,

I listened to this song 3-4 times.

What a wonderful gift for your grand-daughter to cherish for ever.

It’s a simple, heartfelt and sincere song, well played and well sung. I thought it was beautiful.

One observation for you;

The clarity of the vocals could probably be improved slightly. Either in the recording process, or by clearer annunciation of the words. For example; in the first chorus, I genuinely initially thought I heard you sing “she’s jewish, she is whole” rather than “she’s cherished, she is hope”.

However, that is just a recording, performance issue and it doesn’t detract from it being a wonderful song, and a wonderful gift.

I wish you and your family a wonderful Hope filled 2020!

Thank you for sharing your music with me.

All the best.

Paul.
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: Yodasdad on January 02, 2020, 10:52:50 AM
Hey Allan,

I’ve been rather elusive on here myself recently but good to see you back and creating again, I did wonder where you’d disappeared to.

I too became a grandad last year so congratulations from one guy who feels old before his time to probably another. Wouldn’t change it though.

It’s never easy to critique a song that’s as personal as this one, it’s special no matter what.

For me personally when you sang ‘soap’, I pictured a bar of soap and thought, hmm, that’s not very soft. I’m sure you probably meant the lather or bubbles or something like that though, and other people will get other images .

If it were me, I might use something like ‘snow’. It’s not me though and I’m not suggesting you change it, just trying to point out something useful.

Hope to hear more from you.

Yodasdad
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: Jambrains on January 03, 2020, 01:18:12 PM
Allan, long time no see, good to have you back & congrats!
Great song! I agree what has been said re the vocals, they are a little "dull" and I'd back off the reverb a bit to get a more intimate feel but that is technicalities of course. The arrangement/format works well but I must say I miss the fab guitar work I remember hearing from you in the past.

/J
Title: Re: She is Hope
Post by: montydog on January 13, 2020, 03:10:56 PM
Hey Allan - great to see you back. Great way to break the song writing drought. I liked the rhyming of "soft as soap" with "hope" - conjours up a lovely image. Your vocal for 95% of the time is gorgeous but it does just go off tune every now and then but not enough to be a major problem. I liked the piano part - perfectly judged and overall a very lovely song which you will be able to sing to your grand daughter when she's old enough to understand what a clever granddad she has.

M