The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Wicked Deeds on December 04, 2019, 06:15:26 PM
-
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/id-say-thats-love-1
This was written back in May of this year. It's taken 'til now for me to make a sketch. I wonder how folks might think this should be produced. Here's the original blurb from the lyrics section:
I recently met someone who told me about the Japanese art of kintsugi that involves repairing broken ceramics which then become more refined, perhaps more beautiful because of the "scars." My interpretation is that that people who experience devastating loss or pain and then go on to heal through self improvement, are much the same.
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/id-say-thats-love-1
I'd say that's love
Your tender heart may break into a thousand shards of pain.
We cast aside; discard the old, replacing them again.
I've heard it said, this need not be,
There's still a place, we'll wait and see.
I'd say that's love.
Our precious scars are turned to art, refined and worn with pride.
Perfection serves to to teach us of the flaws we cannot hide.
Such beauty here before my eyes
Should search for life un-compromised.
I'd say that's love.
Love knows the path that two people should follow; it's true.
The method, the madness, the whimsical sadness of you.
it knows the fire that burns the lover scorned.
What once was whole can then be readorned.
I'd say that's love
Your tender heart may break into a thousand shards of pain.
We cast aside; discard the old, replacing them again.
Written by Paul Vasey May 2019
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/id-say-thats-love-1
-
Hi WD,
This sounds pretty finished to me. If I was to add anything to it it might be a very delicate violin part. Perhaps piano, if that's more available.
I'm hearing echoes of Nick Drake in this, and his production on Five Leaves Left is kind of where I see this going if you were to produce it any further.
However, if you left it as is (which would be perfect too) then it would probably give off more of a Pink Moon vibe.
Really beautiful and genuine song. Keep it up!
-
Enjoyed this a lot Mr.Deeds. Particularly liked the verse & sweet lyrics. Good job & thanks for posting.
-
Hi,
The composition seems finished to me too. The stripped aspect (guitar voice) goes very well because the melody and the interpretation are really beautiful. You can maybe add other instruments as it was said but for me, it works like that, given the intrinsic quality of what you offer here.