The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Wicked Deeds on November 27, 2019, 08:36:34 PM
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I initially made an acoustic sketch of this song and posted it on the forum hoping that someone might wish to produce it further. Since no one came forward, I decided to devote a little more attention to this song. What started out as a very basic demo became a huge, extravagant string based production and I very much enjoyed the process of adding further production. I think it really captures emotion and at times drives along with real purpose. Maybe one day I'll revisit the end section with backing vocals and electric guitar. Still, I'm really happy with the way this has turned out.
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/yesterday-will-leave-master
Yesterday Will Leave
I was the first one you noticed
amongst all other guys.
You looked in my direction
through those beautiful eyes.
I won't forget the journey to the graveyard
so we could learn to live, learn to love again.
When we first declared that we would both be lovers
in the rain.
Then we drove through the darkness
with your hand on my hand.
We were lost in the moment.
I was yours to command.
I won't forget the way I ran towards you
or the love you brought to brighten up the night.
For the first time, I was looking in a mirror.
It was right.
In time you will see, you mean everything to me.
The pain of yesterday will leave.
The pain of yesterday will leave.
The pain of yesterday will leave.
The pain of yesterday will leave.
Written by Paul Vasey
November 2019
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/yesterday-will-leave-master
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Firstly, cracking title Paul. I actually think the simple production works really well as it is - it gives plenty of space to the delicate melody and vocal delivery. Really like the conclusion with the repetition of the title line too - and I like the way that cracking title doesn't appear in the lyrics until that point right at the end. Much to like in this track - nice one.
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A very gentle song which works as is...very good title, maybe it could develop a little towards the end but then again, maybe not..
A fine song to have in your back catalogue my friend... :)
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A classic slice of top quality writing Paul @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) The finger picking is lovely. It works as it is IMO. If I was to suggest anything it maybe some subtle strings kicking in here and there.
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lovely song Paul ;D . you're on a roll mate...must have found your muse ;D ;D
hope all is well in your world old friend....classy stuff as usual. Thoroughly enjoyed the listen ;D
....and well done for hitting that high note ;D ;D ;D
take care mate
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I also like the simple approach on this. lovely melody and finger picking.
You picked some very nice notes to hit at the end changing each line.
As already suggested adding some Strings would be a nice touch....nice job!
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I absolutely love how stripped back the song is, I don't think that needs to be changed! The title is great too, would definitely pick that out of a spotify playlist. Great song, really enjoyed :)
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Beautiful and quite touching.
You're a master of your craft.
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So delicate and vulnerable. I love just the guitar and vocal for this one....just suits the emotion :'( Classic piece of song writing Paul
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I'll wait a little while before expressing my thanks to all who have reviewed this song as I've now fully produced this song. It's all me playing except for the Logic royalty free sample of theharp that I have cut and pasted at the end. This is in mp3 format so it suffers a little as I should have it mastered as a WAV file. Consequently, it has been compressed twice upon loading it to soundcloud. It would be lovely to hear opinions on th sketch version and the fully produced version. Thanks.
Paul
https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/yesterday-will-leave-high-balanced
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Nice one Paul.
I only heard the fully produced version and it is really quite accomplished :D
Your vox are vulnerable and suit the mood perfectly and everything fits together nicely.
I was going to complain that the hook wasn't getting repeated but then you did repeat it at the end so all was sorted.
Good work ;D ;D
Paul
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Hi Paul
an enjoyable song indeed - the graveyard is a very memorable line which can take on a literal and figurative meaning. I like the way this could have been very sentimental but is more upbeat and positive.
If you absolutely asked me to choose I would probably say that I liked the bare bones version a tad more. Perhaps including a stripped back section within this one would work? The "drove through the darkness" section is an obvious choice but comes too early on - maybe around the "in time you will see" could work to emphasise the title when it comes back.
Anyhow, when a song's good it can work in multiple ways and this is a good one.
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Hi Paul,
Sounds like this belongs in the soundtrack of a movie - end credits maybe as it has an air of conclusion about it.
Nice ending to leave the song embedded in your head.
Digger
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A big thanks Tom all who left a comment. I'm really pleased with this song and it is very close Tom my heart.
Thanks
Paul
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Hi Paul, a classy little piece. Love the arrangement and the instrumentation. Stays delicate but interesting at the same time. Your vocal sits very nicely over it and the whole thing is complimentary. Really nice song.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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No faults here Paul. This is a classy piece of songwriting and the vocal sits so well with its soft and understated approach. I deffinately wouldn't put anything else in the song unless it was as a replacement of something that already exists. Less is more and the balance at the moment is about right. I really nice listen. Showing some talent with this one for sure.
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Thanks for the reviews my friends.
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) re the graveyatd lyric, it was literally about a meeting in a graveyard. In hindsight, it's about leaving behind the hurt of previous love that failed. It's almost like the journey to the graveyard was necessary to say goodbye to the past so that two people could embark on their new chapters and finally 'learn to live, learn to love again.'
Paul
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Paul. The fully produced version is lovely. A class piece of writing with or without the production :)
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You've made a good song better...period!
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Now this I really like!
A beautifully sensitive arrangement superbly put together. Those pizzicatos, strings and harp are to die for…full of admiration for those
You know your style and you execute it so, so well.
Melodically I liked it very much. Last time I reviewed one of your songs I think I likened you to Neil Tennant. This time I’m going to say Ian Broudie (particularly when you inflect the melody upwards). Again, this is intended as a huge compliment.
I hope its ok to mention a couple of production observations that, while in no way detract from the song, might make the listening experience even better (for me at least ;-) );
1. Editing the vocals to eliminate some of the non-singing sounds from the track would make the vocal track sound a little tighter and tidier.
2. To my ears, the vocal is panned slightly left of centre (about 11o’clock) and that feels a little strange as my brain is searching for something to lock onto in the centre. In addition the vocal is then masking some of those lovely string elements I spoke of earlier.
In any case, this is a great song and I loved listening to it and reviewing it.
Thank you for sharing your music with me.
Paul
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Yeah this is a good song. Nice work Paul. I think the piano part is genius. Perfectly compliments the vocals and mood of the song. Liking the graveyard lyric. Intriguing. Vocals also great.
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Hi Paul
I can hear this is quite a bit of work, love all the different nuances going off in the back, the pizzicato strings, and legato strings (if they are programmed that's a lot of work), piano motifs, very effective, with a simple bass line gluing it all together.
Did you use any compression or EQ on the master bus?
Nice work
Rich
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Hi Paul,
A lovely gentle, thoughtful song which is so typical of your work. The highlight for me is the orchestration which lifts the tune to new heights. I don't think it's your strongest song but I still found it to be a lovely listen.
M
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My God this is beautiful!! Oh I love it. Produced brilliantly.
Well done.
Excellent.
The piano parts are gorgeous!!
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Lots of interesting melodic elements in this to hold interest and you bring them in and out a move them all about nicely (oh oh the Hokey Cokey).
I think you’ve arranged it really well, although personally I’m not a huge fan of having the lead vocal to one side, as I find it a little off putting. In this case it did seem to allow space for the other instruments to be heard though, so I think it could grow on me.
Very nice, delicate track.
Yodasdad
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A big thanks to the following: @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125), @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269), @pnb99 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22271), @mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769), @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308), @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653), @Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491), and @Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208).
It's strange how we grow attached to certain songs that we write. This is one that's I have favoured since I first started to hang a suit of production clothes on to what started out as an acoustic guitar/vocal sketch. thanks for all the comments. The main one that I wish to address, is the panning of the vocal. I always thought that's it sounded like it was panned slightly left, yet it registered as centre. I'm not sure why that is. If anyone could suggest a reason, I'm all ears (no pun intended on my failure to trust my hearing as I mixed). I accidently lost the logic file so had to do a time restore on my Mac to retrieve the project. It was my version, minus the string parts. Still the vocal sounded left yet registered as central. I guess I should have trusted my hearing more.
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308),
As I no longer have the original final mix, I don't recall what was on the master bus. But eq is very likely.
Back to the song, it's still one of my favourites because it speaks loudly about happiness and that is often in short supply.
Thanks
Paul
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Hi Paul,
All I can say about this song is that your voice fit in very well. I notice you have a lot of replies so I clicked to hear what was going on with your song so, as I listen I found that the song it is not bad and it is not good. To me it just happen to fall into that groove.
The song it just didn't kelp my interest. But what I would say is that you have a nice style of vocals. That I like more than the song. I'll leave it has that and would not comment any farther.
Irwin