The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: CaliaMoko on November 07, 2019, 08:34:06 PM
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Update 2019.11.21
The song is [probably] done now and is public--no longer private--so you need to use this link to access it now: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/just-wait. Background vocals have been cleaned up and this is what we think is the final mix.
Update 2019.11.18
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) has worked his magic and I've replaced my file with his finished creation. His first version had a sax in the intro, center, and outro, but he took it out. We aren't sure the sax worked, but if you want to hear with it in, that can be arranged.
We are now interested in feedback on production--what do you think would make it better? How are the background vocals? Any other thoughts or ideas?
ORIGINAL POST
I'm not sure this is enough for a song, but I've said everything I want to say, I think. I said it twice, to make sure the point gets across. ;D
1. I'm NOT looking for feedback on production. I just used a canned backing and I know it needs something better, but it isn't going to happen from me. Not this year, anyway. I spent far too long trying to get something presentable just playing guitar and singing and finally gave up. I need to face the fact that production is not my area.
2. Is this enough of a song? I like it with just the one verse/chorus through twice, but I'm likely not objective.
3. Should there be vocal harmonies? I thought of adding harmonies on only the "just wait just wait just wait" part, but maybe some of the rest? I'm not sure. Maybe the part after the "oh-oo-oh-oo" part?
4. What do you think of the lyrics? Are there any spots that should get a little more attention?
https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/just-wait/s-i7fm8
JUST WAIT
Hey you! Slow down! What's all the hurry?
You run around and get so worried.
Your frantic antics won't help you solve
The problems in your life.
You dread instead of taking time
To see things in the light.
Oh-oo-oh-oo-oh just wait!
Hold on a minute!
Have a seat, take a breath,
Calm the beast beating in your chest.
Wait! Just wait! Just wait! Just wait! Just wait!
Wait! Just wait! Just wait! Just wait! Just wait!
REPEAT THE WHOLE THING
Copyright 2019 VM Goble. All rights reserved.
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Yes ! This is fabulous @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) would love to collab/ produce this one for you. Love that style. PM me if interested :)
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Hi @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) , this is a lovely little singalong song that suits being repeated over and over.
Your idea for harmonies just on the 'wait, just wait' bit is good as it would give an almost spoken section a lift, but the rest is fine as is.
The whole thing really bounces along well. I maybe would have repeated the chorus again before the 'wait' bit.
The Oh-oo-oh-oo-oh prelude to the chorus is very catchy and inventive.
Nice work indeed and I am sure that @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) would do you proud if you take him off on his kind offer. ;)
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Thanks guys! I don't have time to say much right now...it's hunting season and we're frantically getting ready.
I am taking John's offer and we are in communication. I'm excited.
More next week!
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Ha ha... Excellent!
I'll be looking forward to hearing this!
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I love those lyrics, @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - "Ode to a Control Freak".. I recognise myself in your words, Vicki! I think you are singing to me :)! Love it and cannot wait to hear the fruits of your collab!!
K
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There are elements of the backing which could be quite stunning once produced. I’m looking forward to hearing John’s take on this. some lovely melodic flourishes in the vocal.
I’ll look out for this with interest.
Paul
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Hi, I agree with other comments there’s definitely a song there and John will bring his substantial talents to bear on it. Look forward to hearing the end product!
Cheers
Jamie
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VVvvveeeeerrryy interesting..I await with bated breath for the next version.. :) :)
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Hey Vicki,hope all is well with you.
This is definitely a song and well worth developing,so it's good to hear you and pomps are taking it further.
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A real throwback to a different era. It's tremendous Vic.
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Hi Vic ;D . Hope all is well.
Yeah, me too ;D . Lovely, endearing little gem of a song in there. I'm sure PJ will find it ;D
Especially liked the ending......
btw...when you're out hunting, have a look for some politicians ;D . They might not be good eating, but I'd sure like to
see a few of them stuffed....
take care
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Hi @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - It's a good song, like the melody line you've found...
1. OK
2. Yip, it's enough of a song.
3. Defintiely, there should be some harmonies in there, use V1 to establish the melody line, then use V2 to bring in a harmony line, or 2 (plonk 'em L and R) and it'll thicken it out nicely, maybe try and avoid having them separate all the time, i.e. 3rd about and 3rd below, it seems to sound better if they cross over into each others's territory, weaving, as it wre, around the core melody.
Another srategy would be to pick out the 'hooky' lines like 'frantic antics' and put harmonies just over those...and repeat it over other areas of the song...such as in V2 add 'frantic antics' x2 in the space at the end of Line 1 ...what's all the hurry .. frantic antics...(but as obvious backing vocals)
4. Regarding the lyrics, I just thought the 'Wait, just wait' was a waste of an opportunity, it didn't match the creativity level of the rest of the lyrics, I know your'e into prosody, I'm sure there's a really skillful line that would fit in there, even replacing just the 2nd line might work.
Hope this helps Vicky
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Fabulous working with Vicki @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) on this song. As Vicki said we would like to use this opportunity for the forum to be our extra sets of "ears" Thanks all :)
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FIRST OF ALL, I have replaced the original posted song on SoundCloud with John's newest master. He sent me one with a sax in it at first, but he decided to remove the sax for now. I thought it would sound bare without the sax, but it doesn't. See what you think. The sax was in the intro, middle, and outro, doubling the melody line.
The updated song is here: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/just-wait/s-i7fm8
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) : I hadn't thought of the singalong idea, but I like it! And it kinda suits the topic of getting all carried away with stuff. Thanks!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) : Thank you muchly! I am always honored when you like something--your stuff is so good!
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) : Yeah, I was pretty much singing to (admonishing) myself. If I ever expanded this, I think I would try to work in something about constantly being distracted from one task by another one that catches my eye...and trying to rush to get them all done.
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) : Thanks, Paul! I always worry I'll never be able to come up with another melody and it's truly gratifying when I do. As usual, I'm sure this will be the last good one I'll be able to generate. And when they come too easy, I'm sure I must have stolen it from somewhere....
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) : Thank you, Jamie. I hope the new demo strikes your fancy!
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) : Thank you! And wait no longer...check out the link above (same as the original link; I've replaced the track).
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) : As well as can be, I think. We filled all our deer tags and have taken the results to a local plant for processing (we usually do our own, but not this year!). Hunting was stressful, but we're relaxing today. And now I have a new and somewhat unusual hunting story to tell! Which I might do in the "Bar". Meanwhile, thanks for the compliment and check out the song link with John's newest demo version of the song.
@RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) : Thanks, Kev. See what you think of John's demo (link above and in the original post).
@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620) : Thank you! Unfortunately, we saw nothing while out hunting, so no stuffed politicians this year. Others in our group bagged enough venison to fill all our tags, though, so we're well supplied for the next year.
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) : See what you think about what John did with the harmonies. I like your idea to work on the "Wait! Just wait!" line and have put some thought into it. Nothing yet, but that definitely has possibilities.
Thanks so very much to everyone who has taken the time so far to comment. I hope you'll take another listen to what John has done with it. He says it's a rough mix so far, but you can get a really good idea of where he's going with it.
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Great job guys..doesn't sound like a rough mix to me...good vox sound goin on in there.. :) 8)
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Great little song. I didn't hear the first version, but the full blown production version is impressive. I think my only comment is that the vocal is full of very short angular and snappy lines throughout, a change to a line or two that are longer might have been a nice variation.
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Sounds even more charming and fun now - I don't think you'd be wanting to add much more as the song's strength is its relative simplicity and almost innocence. Tunes and concepts like that are pretty hard to come up with, so the production now sees some fun musical embellishments added. without these swamping the original idea.
The chorus is really catchy, star of the show. Stuck in my head, damn it! :) Good collaboration guys, and quick work too!
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cant wait to see the final outcome
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First of all--the final mix is here: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/just-wait. Cleaned up the background vocals.
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) : Thank you, Kevin. I hope the BGVs are even better now.
@delb0y (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20401) : Thanks so much. I've thought about that idea, but I haven't been able to think how to do it. So far. Who knows what the future may bring??
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) : I'm glad you like it. Anything that sticks in the head is good, right??
@Kim Noel (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22529) : Thanks! Follow the link above for the final version!
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YAY im going to check that out after school
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Lovely song guys. Reminds me of early 60's songs. Would be perfect for one of those early Cliff Richards musicals.
The intro took me right there ;D It's the brass....loved it ;D
Wouldn't worry about the length, sounded like a 'complete' song to me...
Onwards and onwards Vic ;D You're getting really good at this stuff ;D ;D
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I really like this, it sounds like it could be in one of those feel-good 80s movies! I'm sorry I don't have much to say because I don't know much about this type of music, but it sounds very good to me and I figured I'd say that rather saying nothing at all :D
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Lovely breezy melodies here. And a really vintage sounding production. Very nice horn section in particular.
Two comments from me:
- the first "just wait, just wait" section around 55" sounds very "busy" - perhaps there are some timing issues between the voice and guitar? The second section around 1'57" works much better.
- lead vocals sound a bit distant (maybe a bit too vintage!) - I think it might work to remove some of the reverb/delay so they come forward a bit in the mix
A cool song and great to see its evolution.
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This one worked out great for you, Vicki (and John)
Vocals are really sweet...lovely harmonies too. Nice message as a reminder to take a moment to chill out every now and again in the swirling madness of modern living.
Cool 8)
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Hi Vicki,
What a throwback.
Reminds me of watching old TV shows at my Nan's back when I was a nipper.
Got a 50/60s vibe about it, but with a few modern embellishments.
In the words of Austin Powers - "Grooovy."
Digger
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Just wanted to say great work guys!! Teamwork makes the dreamwork all sounds fab!🎶👊🏻🎶👊🏻🎶.
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@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620) @adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) @digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481)
Thanks for your very kind observations! In case I haven't mentioned it before (I'm pretty sure I have) I love when one of you great producers wants to take a stab at one of my songs. @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) , you make me sound so good. :D
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Well isn't this just a happy and joyous song. I throw back to the 60's and so well put together. Good job on it, pompey has done a terrific job on the production and your bright cheery vocal is spot on for this genre.
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Vicki @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) Your songs are brilliant anyway. It's always a pleasure to work with you :)
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First of all I really like your voice! You have a nice pure tone that reminded me a bit of
Lesley Gore (its my party) Nicely done Pompey with the production, the brass caught me by surprise and I like it..:) happy tune with a cool early 60's vibe, nicely done!
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Don't know how I missed this one in the earlier versions but certainly glad I didn't miss this finished version. It's pretty much all been said but yep I liked it a lot too - lovely skippy vocals (the 'just wait' is pretty hooky), some clever internal rhymes, and top notch production - dig that bassline in particular. Super stuff, almost rivalling your Xmas collab...
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Hi Vicki,
Lovely to hear your voice again. This reminds me very much of an early 60's pop song with hints of Petula Clark especially with Pompey's production leading it down that route. It's catchy and gossamer light and the overall effect is to lift ones spirits. A very effective combination of performer and producer.
M
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Hi Vicky and John, lovely job on this one, great vocals and a very sympathetic arrangement and instrumentation. Really upbeat and fun to listen to.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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@seriousfun (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18630) @Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448) @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) ... Thanks for all the lovely remarks and compliments! Yes, my formative years must have been the sixties because I can't seem to manage anything sounding any more current than that. Not that I mind a whole lot. I am quite partial to the sixties....
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Hola @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928)
I was pleasantly surprised by the song, it has freshness and joy ... As for the mix I find it well balanced, maybe I would raise the instruments a little more or the voices a little less ... But it all depends on the speakers with which you hear, right?
I love this song!!!
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This is a wonderful song. Sorry I've missed all the iterations. Only heard the latest version. Brilliant collaboration. Vocals and brass really stand out for me. Really well put together. Cheers Micky