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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on November 05, 2019, 06:11:00 PM

Title: protect us from what we want
Post by: rightly on November 05, 2019, 06:11:00 PM

we live in troubled times
I checked out some modern day prayers and found them dull for the most part
So I contributed and soon had the music for it. A lot of work. I'm happy enough with it.
 :D
Feedback most welcome!

https://soundcloud.com/rightly/protect-us-from-what-we-want


protect us from what we want




my hands are up for action
these feet for cut and run
no answers for the asking
I've never been so young
♤
you should seek shelter
call up your loved ones
collect what is of value
I've seen the coming storm
it will take some courage
to face what we've become
Oh lord, protect us from what we want
Oh Lord, protect us from what we want

freely you give your heart
to a stranger be kind
and unbroken in the fold
you need not lose your mind
♧
no gain can be claimed
there at the finish line
surely, it's a crying shame
when love is left behind
we'll keep it together
for we are to see the dawn
Oh Lord, protect us from what we want
Oh Lord, protect us from what we want

embrace the naked flame
in this we are reborn
Oh Lord, protect us from what we want


___________
Rightly
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: Skub on November 06, 2019, 05:43:08 PM
Yo @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

It's hard to get past those gloriously eclectic lines of verse,man they are a meal in themselves.

The music backdrop gels so well with your world weary delivery.You casually toss away line after line worthy of songs in their own right.

I really dig the ambient feel to this. A jewel in every way.  8)
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: rightly on November 06, 2019, 05:58:31 PM
Quote from: Skub on November 06, 2019, 05:43:08 PM
Yo @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)

It's hard to get past those gloriously eclectic lines of verse,man they are a meal in themselves.

The music backdrop gels so well with your world weary delivery.You casually toss away line after line worthy of songs in their own right.

I really dig the ambient feel to this. A jewel in every way.  8)

Thanks Skub.
I'm not that happy with the mix on the vocals.
I could have waited to recover more energy and Patience... Hmm.
This strategy hasn't worked before though. It seems if I walk away without finishing it I tend to lose interest in the whole Thing. Maybe one day I'll grow out of this.

Thanks for your kind appraisal.
I'm really glad you enjoyed the listen, but I could have done better with this.

Cheers!
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: nooms on November 06, 2019, 11:13:10 PM
perfect title
read the words and pressed play..
works beautifully, melodic .. was nt sure about the vocal sound ..wonderd what it might sound like clean but realised it attracted me the way it is so..
kind of a haunted song moving up the hallway toward you or the scene in 'whistle and ill come to you'' on the beach.
im rambling but very taken with the song..or by the song..
fine work sir
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: shadowfax on November 07, 2019, 01:16:55 PM
Fab lyrics (which is always the case with you my man) :) and dark delivery which suites the song well,, my only tip for this song would be to reduce the boxiness of the vocal effect..not the vocal..just the effect :) it seemed to me to be taking up a lot of space in the mix..
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: pompeyjazz on November 07, 2019, 09:20:11 PM
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) This is intriguing, inventive, imaginative and quite magnificent. A wonderful soundscape paired with your always creative lyrics. I enjoyed the listen immensely
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: Bostonfan2 on November 08, 2019, 11:24:41 PM
Really great lyrics. has a dreamy feel to it that reminds me of the song "Ordinary World"
Also agree with Nooms on the vocal effects. well done! .....Ray

Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: Wicked Deeds on November 09, 2019, 09:41:35 AM
This is a wonderful song with strong emotion from the beginning.  You’ve embraced quite a lovely dark musical direction here.  The organ break is delightful.  Top marks here my friend!

Paul
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: Jamie on November 09, 2019, 12:34:13 PM
Hi, great feel to this song, works perfectly with the lyric. Nice laid back arrangement. Excellent stuff.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: cowparsleyman on November 10, 2019, 03:53:34 PM
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - atmospheric piece, love the closeness of the organ and distance of the pads and LVox, superb and very ‘Rightly’ the vocals are little off beam...

As always very deep and clever lyrics
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: MonnoDB on November 10, 2019, 08:36:45 PM
Quote from: pompeyjazz on November 07, 2019, 09:20:11 PM
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) This is intriguing, inventive, imaginative and quite magnificent. A wonderful soundscape paired with your always creative lyrics. I enjoyed the listen immensely

What he said :)

Fab!

K
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: rightly on November 11, 2019, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: shadowfax on November 07, 2019, 01:16:55 PM
Fab lyrics (which is always the case with you my man) :) and dark delivery which suites the song well,, my only tip for this song would be to reduce the boxiness of the vocal effect..not the vocal..just the effect :) it seemed to me to be taking up a lot of space in the mix..

hello
shadowfax (in German they might call you Schattenfell)

I have to agree with you and
#comparsleyman here
I'm not really all too 'appy with the vocal mixing.
I'll blame the mic but I do have a whole lot to learn with mixing vocals.
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: rightly on November 11, 2019, 10:38:25 PM
Quote from: Wicked Deeds on November 09, 2019, 09:41:35 AM
This is a wonderful song with strong emotion from the beginning.  You’ve embraced quite a lovely dark musical direction here.  The organ break is delightful.  Top marks here my friend!

Paul

Thanks Paul

I actually was quite spooked
on that little organ solo. A simple solo phrase, I felt quite useless doing it.
Done quick style, from the gut, as it were, then little improvements.
I felt quite exposed.

Oh I'm still looking for a good singer to take the vocals from me here.
Been writing a lot lately mostly short songs.
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: cowparsleyman on November 12, 2019, 06:34:58 AM
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - man, your vox are PERFECT for your songs, very distinctive and full of emotion, they are sometimes, not often, a little out of tune, which is easily fixed..

Maybe some listeners are fine with it, but i just say as i hear...your songs wouldn’t be the same giving the vocals to others.. Which famous artist would you want to sing for you?

Bowie, Cohen, Stormzy, Sheeren? Wouldn’t be the same man...
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: MichaelA on November 12, 2019, 02:00:44 PM
I love that delicate riff behind the verse for a start and the earthiness and confidence of the organ throughout. The prayer refrain is very memorable and your ghostly vocal style makes this a very atmospheric piece.

I've listened to many of your songs over a couple of years now and you have a kind of epic nature to your creativity, in that a single song is really never enough - as just when you have become immersed, as hypnosis is your knack,  said track comes to an end. So I must conclude that your are a perfect album artist, a fitting antidote to this quick-fix, attention deficit age of single song streaming. Give me the album, a dark room and a nice glass of red!  :)
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: Neil C on November 13, 2019, 11:14:38 AM
Rightly
Moody tune here. Really like your lyrics too.
Intriguing piece which forces you to engage.
Like it
:-)
Neil
Title: Re: protect us from what we want
Post by: rightly on November 16, 2019, 09:39:25 PM
Quote from: MichaelA on November 12, 2019, 02:00:44 PM
I love that delicate riff behind the verse for a start and the earthiness and confidence of the organ throughout. The prayer refrain is very memorable and your ghostly vocal style makes this a very atmospheric piece.

I've listened to many of your songs over a couple of years now and you have a kind of epic nature to your creativity, in that a single song is really never enough - as just when you have become immersed, as hypnosis is your knack,  said track comes to an end. So I must conclude that your are a perfect album artist, a fitting antidote to this quick-fix, attention deficit age of single song streaming. Give me the album, a dark room and a nice glass of red!  :)

that's a charming write up.
I suppose 'I am old school and more geared toward albums.
It is my favourite listening experience, getting into a whole album
I think maybe hunky dory did that for me first!
Somehow I find this approach more rewarding.

Thanks for  aour words. Quite encouraging!!