The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MonnoDB on November 01, 2019, 05:33:05 PM
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Hi all! It’s been a while - but here we are with a new one. Dark and heavy and a bit loud in places ;D. As always, such a blast working with the wonderful @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) ... feedback welcome please on any element... I thank you in advance.
https://soundcloud.com/ashesfordreams/call-out-to-me
Call out to me
I might not hear
Please persevere
Don't give up on me
I drag my foggy head from my quicksand bed
Weariness seeping through my bones
My reticence mistaken for an olive branch not taken
Your coffee an umbrella in a storm
Call out to me
I might not hear
Please persevere
Don't give up on me
Fear is flowing through me
What ifs become reality
In absence of a pill or a remedy
But I know you can save me
From the demons and the crazy thoughts
That paralyse me so that I can't breathe
Call out to me
I might not hear
Please persevere
Don't give up on me
Don't believe
When my eyes are tightly squeezed
And I'm curled up into a ball
That I want you to leave
That I don't want to see
That I don't want to be seen at all
Call out to me
I might not hear
Please persevere
Don't give up on me
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This is a great tune! Very catchy. The only thing i'd change is to get to the verse quicker. Like this...
https://soundcloud.com/dinnerwithgreedo/call-out-to-meeeeee/s-qcEO2
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Dark, heavy and loud does it for me @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) and @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) I love the clever introduction, top vocal work. Great that the verse is sparse compared with the chorus. Lovely M8 and break with some fab slide. The stop / starts work really well. Fabulous stuff :)
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) - Lovely song, I really dig your partnership, properly good songs K & J, love the arrangements.
Excellent vocal delivery, super tight, just superb, I wasn't sure about the note choice in the first line of the verse, but I 'got it' after a couple of plays, and it really works.
Interesting slide Gtr & piano interlude.
Overall a treat for my ears...I like the way the hooky chorus is pushed so it's firmly in your ear by the end...
Can't add anything, everything is perfect, especially the production.
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Very catchy and sounds great! Love the rock vibe about it :)
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Hello, someone's been taking their 'Catchy' pills again. ;) This grabs you from the very first note, and the ear worm chorus that is constructed in such a surprisingly clipped but clever way.
Great how you broke into that chilled bit in the middle to add space, but then slid back into the mean rocky ride with such ease.
Vocals pretty special on this.
A great comeback track after a pause since publishing your album. Bodes well for the rest of the second album! :D
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Hi guys, great collaboration.Ace production too. love the vocals and playing, what's not to like?Love the changes throughout the song.Who doesn't like a bit of slide guitar?
Good stuff!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi
Liking the rockier angle of this track, with the framework of the verse, love that piano, and then the slightly heavier catchy chorus. Your vocals sounding kept my interest throughout.
Hoping for a solo soon... Nope get an interesting M8. then jazz piano and slide. Oh well
Glad I listened, lots to like here.
:-) neil
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Guys, thumbs up here,
Mix sounds great, the vocals, I am a fan of this lady, Karen I think, could be wrong. Her tone is very sexy (sorry if that sound weird, not intended) but its a nice tone to listen to and suits a lot of styles.
Catchy vocal riff. jambrains on the buttons and rocking the tunes, cool as ever
Yeh, i like it guys, well done.
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Blimey..intro just blew me sideways..terrific! was thinking is it possible that your gonna keep up this level after such a brilliant intro...surely the only way is down...but no, the whole song start to finish is a lesson in how to write/arrange a song.
brill work guys..super listen... :)
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Hi guys Great song. I've listened about 5 times and it is very catchy and great production. I do however have some criticism as there are a couple of flaws in the arrangement in my opinion. Firstly, the chorus is overextended. There is no need to keep repeating "don't give up on me" at the end of the chorus. It drags out the chorus unnecessarily. So for example the opening chorus should end at 10 seconds. Secondly the last 34 seconds of the song is not needed. It should end at 2.50. with both these amends you can get the song down to around 2.30 in total and it would be tighter and better for it.
Cheers Micky
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Guys this absolutely rocks and is catchy as hell!!! I know a good hook when i hear one. Fantastic job. Brilliantly produced too!!
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@Ashes for Dreams (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21050)
Oh wow,love the way you voice is layered Karen,this punches hard right from the opening bars and maintains it's grip on the listener to the end.
Great arrangement of a great song with just enough edge for Johan to slightly redeem his RAWK credibility. ;D
Gonna play this a few times for sure. 8)
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Man! U guys produce some great songs! This is really excellent, that chorus is Mahoosive!!! I love it all...except for the weird choppy drums at 2.40, that bit just didn’t work for me,(sorry🤷🏼♂️😊) I listened a few times to that part and there’s something not quite right there, that third drum hit imho needs to be nudged left. Anyhoo...apart from that...it’s another smash! Congrats!🎶👊🏻🎶👊🏻🎶🙋🏼♂️
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Lovely crystal clear production. I can imagine this in a live setting. The highlights for me are the m8 and cool instrumental section. Great to hear the wonderful professional recordings that people are making on this forum.
Paul
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Thanks all for taking the time to listen and to comment - very much delighted it's being well received, particularly with the catchy comments ;D ;D ;D...
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) thanks a mill - and yes, I'd love to do this live.. Twould be a bit of a challenge though what with me being in Ireland and @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) in Sweden.. ;D ;D ;D
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) - hey Leo :) Thanks a mill.. Now, let me phrase this carefully so as not to be throwing shades at JB ;D ;D ;D so..... as JB is the drummer here, I'll let him respond re the section you've noted.. It's likely down to my rather fluid phrasing actually... I think I hear what you mean.. Smash you say? That works for me.. thanks so much!
Hey @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) yeah it's funny how folky me appears to be rockier than aul' softy there in the corner :)! Thanks so much for your lovely comments.. much appreciated as always, sir! You are so supportive and it means a hell of a lot...
@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) - thanks so much! Catchy works for me and yes JB can take a bow for the fab production :)
@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769) Thanks for the listens and the comments.. We're having a look at the length of the chorus so thanks for that also, you make a valid point.. We'll see how that goes.. The outro, again you have a point but we're quite attached to it ;D ;D
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) wow - thank you! That means a lot I must say!
@Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938) haha well that's a first but it works for me.. Yes I agree the production is top notch.. Thanks a mill for your comments.
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) thanks a million - great comments and they are appreciated!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - thanks so much.. well catchy works for me - delighted to get that feedback.. Jeez second album? We have some work to do then : ;D ;D
@mlearymusic (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22527) Thank you very much!!
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) well yeah I dig it too :) such fun we have.. such great comments - thanks so much!
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - thank you John for your lovely comments. M8 is my favourite bit :) You are too kind, sir!!!
@dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829) - thank you for going to the trouble of mocking that up. We're having a look at the chorus length in particular. Much appreciated..
Hmm that was long... thanks all!
Karen