The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: adamwolf on October 09, 2019, 06:27:35 PM
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Hello. This is the first song I put on here and I would appreciate any and all feedback.
I never got any feedback on my stuff so if you tell me what you thought honestly, what's good whether lyrically or melody wise, what could be better, and what's bad, I would owe you a lot! Like just whatever you think, if I have potential or not, if I'm ready to do open mics or not, that kinda thing. Thank you in advance!
https://soundcloud.com/adamjosephwolf/if-a-mountain-crashed (https://soundcloud.com/adamjosephwolf/if-a-mountain-crashed)
Lyrics
if a mountain crashed one day
it would turn to dust
I'm making do with what I have
and maybe it's not much
it was my time to break free
but i guess you lied to me
I don't know why it's so easy
for you to forget about me
for so long I've been alone, i can feel the loneliness
catching up with me
I pulled the knife out on my own, but I confessed
that it's killing me
I'll go back in time
wipe that smile off my face
see how I sleep tonight
knowing my fate
smash this mirror say I'm done
I've had enough with looking away
I didn't always need someone
but what doesn't kill you is bound to win one day
for so long I've been alone I can feel the loneliness
catching up with me
I pulled the knife out on my own but I confessed
that it's killing me
if a mountain crashed one day
it would turn to dust
I'm making do with what I have
and maybe it's not much
I don't have a lot of skill in the guitar playing or any sort of music production so as much as ideas of how that would benefit the song would be highly appreciated, it's not something I can do at the moment.
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@adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) i absolutely love the chorus on this it has something i dunno what but i got gooosebumps and thats my indication on how good things are.......also awesome lyrics honestly really good. Only thing id say would be the melody in the verses could be better could be a bit more hooky.....Ive no suggestions tho i need to play around with it.
But man well done. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
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@adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) i absolutely love the chorus on this it has something i dunno what but i got gooosebumps and thats my indication on how good things are.......also awesome lyrics honestly really good. Only thing id say would be the melody in the verses could be better could be a bit more hooky.....Ive no suggestions tho i need to play around with it.
But man well done. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
thank you so much!
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Pretty good song...
I liked the lyrics a lot...they aren't run-of-the-mill by any means...and I think you could have real talent there. I think the guitar playing is nice and crisp and you've got a pretty good voice too. Some good use of dynamics and stops/starts in there as well...I think you'd do well at a few open-mics etc...it's good practice for you too.
Nice work!
Ps Don't worry...it won't crash (the mountain) :-)
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@adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) - To be the first song you've put here, it is amazing! The lyrics are fantastic, and the chorus is so spot on and so relatable for me that has gone through some tough times over the years, but the words in the chorus spoke to me about my struggle with depression and anxiety.
For the verse, I could have heard it a little bit faster, and maybe some fingerpicking on the guitar instead, but still, it's a good song with lots of potentials. You also build up a lot of drama/tension in the song with the way you play the guitar.
Well done man! :)
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@adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) I really enjoyed this. Great vocals and guitar work. You've left lots of space and your gentle vocal delivery accompanied by your accomplished acoustic work worked perfectly. Lyrics were well structured and interesting. Don't worry too much about the production stuff atm as I'm sure that if you stick around and participate in the forum you will get plenty of help on that front. Very well done :)
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Hi Adam, really good song mate. It builds into a strong chorus. Of course you are ready to do open mics and you can only learn and grow from doing them. Good luck.
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Hi Adam
You've got a great emotive voice - and that makes the song dramatic IMO.
Damn good for a first song posted on here.
I think you could work on your timing a bit - I had a problem detecting a time signature in this that was consistent. But maybe it's just me.
Keep writing - you got the talent ;D
Paul
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Just love this, real proper gripping right from the off, paulski said it all.
Thanks for this
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You sound very young Adam,so if you keep this level of quality going good things will happen.
The song stands alone,one voice and one guitar and that's a great start. Keep the faith and thanks for sharing. 8)
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Just an idea listen to missy higgins Forgive Me, then re record it in you bathroom...If your mic lead goes that far...and give the more passionate lines some welly....
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Pretty good song...
I liked the lyrics a lot...they aren't run-of-the-mill by any means...and I think you could have real talent there. I think the guitar playing is nice and crisp and you've got a pretty good voice too. Some good use of dynamics and stops/starts in there as well...I think you'd do well at a few open-mics etc...it's good practice for you too.
Nice work!
Ps Don't worry...it won't crash (the mountain) :-)
Thanks so much man! I'm glad you think so about my voice too because sometimes I wonder whether it's worth putting in the effort to improve it or not when I have no idea what I'm doing and have to figure it out as it develops lol Thanks again
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@adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) - To be the first song you've put here, it is amazing! The lyrics are fantastic, and the chorus is so spot on and so relatable for me that has gone through some tough times over the years, but the words in the chorus spoke to me about my struggle with depression and anxiety.
For the verse, I could have heard it a little bit faster, and maybe some fingerpicking on the guitar instead, but still, it's a good song with lots of potentials. You also build up a lot of drama/tension in the song with the way you play the guitar.
Well done man! :)
Thank you! Yeah that's where the lyrics to the chorus came from, whenever I say something so specific I wonder whether it's relatable or not, I'm kinda glad it is (even though that means you know how shitty depression could be, sorry lol :( )
I'll try to experiment with making the verses faster, I feel like in my mind I just need other instruments to be playing at the same time to deliver the sound I wanted for the verses though that's why it comes off as kinda 'meh' just because I can't do what I was going for with just a guitar and my voice. I will take your idea into consideration though!
I'm always glad to hear my stuff has potential, thanks @LukeArmstrongMusic (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) :D
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@adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) I really enjoyed this. Great vocals and guitar work. You've left lots of space and your gentle vocal delivery accompanied by your accomplished acoustic work worked perfectly. Lyrics were well structured and interesting. Don't worry too much about the production stuff atm as I'm sure that if you stick around and participate in the forum you will get plenty of help on that front. Very well done :)
Thanks man! I appreciate it!
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Hi Adam, really good song mate. It builds into a strong chorus. Of course you are ready to do open mics and you can only learn and grow from doing them. Good luck.
Thank you!
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Hi Adam
You've got a great emotive voice - and that makes the song dramatic IMO.
Damn good for a first song posted on here.
I think you could work on your timing a bit - I had a problem detecting a time signature in this that was consistent. But maybe it's just me.
Keep writing - you got the talent ;D
Paul
Thanks, I'm glad my you think that about my voice!
Yeah I definitely don't have the greatest sense of rhythm, I'll work on it.
I really appreciate it, thanks Paul :D
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Just love this, real proper gripping right from the off, paulski said it all.
Thanks for this
Thank you!
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You sound very young Adam,so if you keep this level of quality going good things will happen.
The song stands alone,one voice and one guitar and that's a great start. Keep the faith and thanks for sharing. 8)
yeah lol, thanks! I have been singing for a few years though and I feel like I should be better especially that I wanna get the hang of it before my voice starts changing but I have no idea what I'm doing no matter how much I sing and read about it. So if you have any advice there please tell me :D
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Just an idea listen to missy higgins Forgive Me, then re record it in you bathroom...If your mic lead goes that far...and give the more passionate lines some welly....
I'm listening to it right now. I'll try that and see what comes out of it, thanks for the idea because I need all the help I can get. :D
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@adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) , I think there is great potential in your writing and I hear a lovely voice that will surely develop and engage many people in time. I'm not going to make suggestions here. You'll find your own way and with dedication, you will write many wonderful songs as the years unfold.
Paul