The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: jacksimmons on October 02, 2019, 07:38:09 PM
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A big thanks to @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) and @Boydie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18510) for providing bass and electric on this, respectively. It's really helped me (hopefully) get a live, organic sound for this song. Anyway, that's what I am going for, something laid back and natural sounding like early Belle & Sebastian.
Story wise. I wrote this song a year or so ago but have only now recorded it. It's about someone who was a very good friend of mine, actually a lot more than that. But there are people you have to cut yourself loose from sometimes.
As always, thanks for listening.
Lyrics:
You were my closest friend
Set me on the mend
All the love you gave was always on the nose
Here we go again to struggle through another sunny day
Run faster off to the bastard you call a friend
Though your job is dead end
It's a start, you know that it's a start
Won't need to share a bath with him when the studio opens your heart
And when the studio opens your heart I'll be there on the next day
To look at your art but if you want I'll stay away
Please don't send me away
'cause you're on your own again, there's nothing you can do
On your own again to see a whole night through
You were my closest friend
Set me on the mend
All the love you gave was always on the nose
Here we go again to struggle through another sunny day
Pull the other I know your mother didn't die
It doesn't make me cry
Why the tall tales?
Why all the betrayals?
It didn't make me care more, you know that's impossible
When it opens your heart I'll be there on the next day
To look at your art but if you want I'll stay away
Please don't send me away
'cause you're on your own again, there's nothing you can do
On your own again to see a whole night through
You're on your own again, there's nothing you can do
On your own again to see a whole night through
You once told me you were feeling down
So I took your hand and I led you round
A southern town, a southern town
But now you only make me frown
Every now and then I think of you
Though I don't think you're my friend anymore
I don't think you're my friend no more
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Hi @Jack Simmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18691) I'm really getting that Belle & Sebastian vibe. This is fabulous stuff. Lovely and melodic. You've opened up your heart with the lyrics but for me, if you're singing with your heart on your sleeve that makes a huge difference. Top quality bass work and production as well. Top tune man :)
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Definitely belle & sebastian vibe! Great harmony in there also.
I found it very uplifting.......should I of?
The song has a really nice vibe.
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@jacksimmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18881) - Nice work Jack, can't think of anything that would improve it, Sorry I've never heard any Bell and Sabastien, so I can't comment on that..
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Jack, a really intriguing story put to a neat jangly catchy pop tune. Great last line too.
It was enjoyable and interesting learning the song, it felt like structurally you had lots of pre-choruses with slight variations before you get to the big pay-off chorus.
And I also got to play with @Boydie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18510)!!
Thanks again
:-)
neil
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Hi Guys,
Not listened to B&S either, but this sounds very accomplished.
Great vocals. Strong melodies and harmonies.
Some of the vocal style made me think of Morrissey a little.
Quality playing and production.
Sounds pretty damn pro to me.
Digger
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Hi Jack, like Digger I was also getting a Smiths/ Morrissey vibe... lovely jangly indie pop. I like how you save the multi tracked vocal harmonies for certain specific parts and use them sparingly, they are very effective when they do appear. Lyrically I enjoyed the ambivalence ...couldn’t really tell if it was a long song or you were letting off some angst, and it’s all the better for that - multi-dimensional.
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Hi @Jack Simmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18691) I'm really getting that Belle & Sebastian vibe. This is fabulous stuff. Lovely and melodic. You've opened up your heart with the lyrics but for me, if you're singing with your heart on your sleeve that makes a huge difference. Top quality bass work and production as well. Top tune man :)
Thanks man! I'm glad the Belle & Sebastian vibe came through in the finished product. Thanks for listening!
Definitely belle & sebastian vibe! Great harmony in there also.
I found it very uplifting.......should I of?
The song has a really nice vibe.
haha I m a big fan of songs that are uplifting on the surface but are a little sadder underneath. I meant for parts of the melody to be uplifting, sure, but the story isn't. So yes! Thank you that is exactly what I was going for.
@jacksimmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18881) - Nice work Jack, can't think of anything that would improve it, Sorry I've never heard any Bell and Sabastien, so I can't comment on that..
Thanks @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) for lsitening. Much appreciated and glad you enjoyed it.
Jack, a really intriguing story put to a neat jangly catchy pop tune. Great last line too.
It was enjoyable and interesting learning the song, it felt like structurally you had lots of pre-choruses with slight variations before you get to the big pay-off chorus.
And I also got to play with @Boydie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18510)!!
Thanks again
Thank YOU Neil for providing bass on this it was a real pleasure to work with you and it added a new dimension to the recording process. Was really fun collabing with others on this one. You are right that there's a lot of sections here. This actually started life as a few different snippets that I was unsure what to do with, and they sort of fell together as as I was writing it. Thanks a bunch.
Hi Jack, like Digger I was also getting a Smiths/ Morrissey vibe... lovely jangly indie pop. I like how you save the multi tracked vocal harmonies for certain specific parts and use them sparingly, they are very effective when they do appear. Lyrically I enjoyed the ambivalence ...couldn’t really tell if it was a long song or you were letting off some angst, and it’s all the better for that - multi-dimensional.
Thank you very much Paul! I suppose this is an...angsty love song of sorts.
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Hi, very accomplished song and performance guys, well done! Got the B&S vibe, also a bit of Haircut 100 ???. Great vocals and harmonies, very enjoyable listen.
Good work
Cheers
Jamie
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A very gentle production, reminded me of sixties pop, something like The Seekers (you will probably have to look them up, ha ha!) all well thought out instrumentation and delightful vocals, especially through the harmonies section.
It's a really great song which you've put together with some expertise. Well done indeed.
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My Dad was mad on the gorgeous Judith Durham...by the time I liked em the Carnival was Over
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I really like this. I don't know who belle and sebastian is but I got Jay Jay Pistolet vibes (lead singer of the vaccines was a solo act before the band) and Noah and The Whale vibe as well. It's very pleasant to listen to, very good job.
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Very tight and delicately done bright and breezy pop...with a melancholy undercurrent. Super vocals and top notch production.
Nicely understated performances from the forum guys.
Top marks also for the most polite delivery of the word "bastard" I've ever heard.
Here's some suggestions...
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I was reluctant to bump this thread again but really don't want to leave these comments unresponded to (is that a word?)
@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) Thanks for the listen! Glad you got the B&S, and I shall have to check out Haircut100. A name I have heard but never followed up on.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) Likewise with the Seekers! I did have to look them up but if I only listened to bands from my era I wouldn't listen to...any of my favourite bands haha. I'm glad you enjoyed the song.
@adamwolf (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22501) Thanks for the listen. I know Jay Jay Pistolet. I was a MASSIVE fan of the Vaccines when they first burst on to the scene. His vocal style really influenced me and my first band, although I've sort of strayed from that now. I haven't listened to a great deal of his solo stuff but it's on the list.
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Thank you very much Paul. I am striving slowly for the poshest voice in indie...Video did make me laugh a lot but can't believe there was no GoT in there!
Right, I'm taking the song down to prevent anymore CPR on this thread. Thanks a bunch for all the feedback guys.