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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on October 01, 2019, 11:34:26 PM
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Hello
This started out as an attempt at a Roddy Frame/Aztec Camera kind of thing...but I went off on one a bit, I suppose. Interesting story behind the lyric...so I'm being deliberately vague...sorry :)
The Skull Behind The Smile
Verse 1
So maybe you figured
She fell from the sky
Into your lap
With no reason why
Too good to be true
She’s not what she seems
She'll give you some love
And take all your dreams
Verse 2
Head starts to spin
Heart starts to pound
Intoxicated
You sink to the ground
She sold you a dummy
to be by your side
She's in for the kill
And she won’t be denied
Nina comes to cast her spell then she slips back into the shadows
You can't help but feel
You've been here before
You come to your senses
And show her the door
Chorus
Heart-breaking
Mistaken
She’s the gift that keeps on taking
You know that she’ll never go out of style
But maybe you'll see
The skull behind the smile
Verse 3
Happy returns
And last-minute plans
You don't even realise
it's out of your hands
She’s destined to find you
There's nowhere to run
You pull on the ribbon
And then you're undone
Nina comes to cast her spell then she slips back into the shadows
You've broken the seal
There’s no going back
She blows you a kiss
That turns everything black
Heart-breaking
Mistaken
She’s the gift that keeps on taking
You know that she’ll never go out of style
But maybe you'll see
The skull behind the smile
Heart-breaking
Mistaken
She’s the gift that keeps on taking
You know that she’ll never go out of style
She’ll always be
The skull behind the smile.
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Hi Paul - loved the Aztec Camera Vibe, nice 12 string work.
Maybe move the key up maybe a whole tone, then push the vocals more, it sounds like it's a little low for your vocal range, which is preventing you pushing it more, it sounds like you want to push it but can't...it gets more oomphy in the choruses.
Hope you don't mind.
Rich
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Love the energy in this one. :D
Your vocals are super as always and the chorus really lifts - as it should!
Lyrics are just vague enough to hold interest :D
Enjoyed the listen
Paul
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Super stuff Paul - I'm getting the Aztec Camera vibe. Love that 12 string sound and of course the Ricky bass. The chorus is real catchy - One that you have to hear a couple of times then you're singing along to it. Another smash hit in my book :)
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Great sounding intro with that lovely guitar work...really draws you in.
Interesting trading lines vocal which is sounding very good again...your singing that is.....
Nice uncomplicated bass work which adds a lot of bounce to the track.
Yes it's a neat chorus which bears a lot of repeats and that takes the song out in style..with the added guitar of course...it could have repeated more and been fine by me (hey, you said that about my last song!) but you've got make the decision to end it sometime haven't you. For this reason I might have preferred a fade ending but I know that's not popular for some!
At first listen I wanted the chorus again after verse 3 (boring, conventional, me!) but now I'm sold on the instrumental break and the talking bit and THEN loads of chorus repeats....works well!
I'm pretty useless...I only knowingly know one Aztec Camera song so can't go into that.
Deliberately vague is fine by me....I'm a sound person (some might not think so) so lyrical content often goes over my head anyway. Sorry!
Good stuff Paul. Your singing is very good these days! Is that an organ in there hiding?
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Hi!
Very good vocals here. Was it just my ears or did you alternate the pan slightly for every vocal line? Nice effect anyhow. I kinda wanted one more chorus in there somewhere cos it really lifted when it came. Fun thing, intro made me think of the old 90s "classic" sex on the phone by... some band and the first chords in the chorus had a little wham last Christmas feeling to it.
Superb production!
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Hi Paul, excellent, really good. I get the Aztec C thing, but I got more than a whiff of Squeeze with some of those eccentrically nice chord changes 8). 'The gift that keeps on taking" :D Brilliant! Loved the bass and the bass sound, great production as ever.
Top notch mate!
Cheers
Jamie
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That 12 string thingy reminded of that famous Cockney Rebel song of old - I'm a sucker for the use of acoustic punctuating electric tracks adding a more delicate touch. But as for other comparisons, I can see why Jamie said Squeeze because of the style of chord changes and long narrative verses followed up by a punchy chorus.
I don't know why but I wondered if a female vocal harmony over the chorus would help this, both in the storytelling and adding more dynamic difference between the verses and the choruses.
Very much admired this production, very tight and upfront. Liked the slight vagueness of the lyrics too, letting you imagine more detail for yourself. And that chorus really sticks in your head on the second listen! ;)
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This is fab @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - killer chorus.. so catchy!! Great arrangement too - love it all and the drums are really good.. Really like that panning thing you did with the vocals (is that what you did? sounds like it..).. Great energy to the whole track. Loves when the chorus comes in after that interlude.. A winner for me! I do believe I always really like your stuff, this probably my fave so far!
K
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where you running around your studio when you recorded the vocals?..LOL :) typical of you to produce another song with more excellent lyrics..you just keep doin it duntya!!! never heard of aztec watsit so cannot compare but why would I, your stuff is always original and always very clever... :)
best, Kevin :)
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Paul,
Got the Roddy/Aztec reference from the off :-)
Enjoyable, energetic catchy number
Use of some interesting chords was cool, great bass and acoustic solo one the chorus.
Is the acoustic the 12 string?
Lots of words liking the stereo effect on chorus.
Thoughts - I just found the mix and sound a little to 'hot' and brittle. I would try and tone down the snare, the vocals and the overall mix somehow. It feels like you're hitting the red limiters a bit to much and maybe a less is more approach - I dunno if that makes sense I'm no sound engineer.
I think perhaps something to differentiate the chorus - maybe take the organ out of the verses and then bring in more on chorus or some strings above the vocal line.
Cool tune, going to have another listen
:-)
neil
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Hi Paul, I definitely got the Aztec Camera summery vibe but your lyrics mix a bit of vinegar with the sugar so it doesn’t get too sacharine. Liked the organs too. Cryptic story telling as per your excellent style, and a good length (I love an abrupt ending!).
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Pillar to Post was the first record I ever bought (picture disk and all) so I was well up for this one.
Great guitar sounds. These days I see you are also very much into keyboards too - really working well.
The chorus is a joy of hip-hop-esque rhyme and wit - "the gift that keeps on taking" is genius.
I would have to say that I came away with only a vague idea of what this is about. Question is would it be improved by more directness? Would an impressionist be improved by being in focus? Doesn't really matter, I wouldn't want you going any other way.
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Ta, everyone!
Yeah...I like a bit of keyboards here and there...clattering guitars can become a bit limiting sometimes...so I like having a few extra sounds available.
I recently picked up a lovely Gretsch white falcon 12-string acoustic which is on there playing the lead bit and the acoustic rhythm bits too.
I struggled to sing the chorus...not sure I could have gone any higher, really, to be honest.
Adam and I used that slightly panned vocal effect recently on "Animals" and I really like it...it seemed sensible to use it here as some of the lines almost ran into each other and doing it in just one vocal was a bit of a gabble.
I did mostly strip the keys out on the verses...and I invariably have the drummer going onto the ride cymbal in chorus/solo parts...but I thought the 16ths hihat pattern had to be consistent...so couldn't use it here, which meant that the chorus didn't have anywhere else to go.
The bassline - like most things I record - was pretty much the first thing that came into my head...I usually intend to go back and re-record things to a higher standard...but - to my shame - I rarely bother. I can play better than I usually do...but I very rarely feel the need, to be honest...I often prefer my simpler, even clumsier but more enthusiastic attempts.
I left the lyrics maybe too vague, then...the official story of the Salisbury poisonings is, to my mind...how can I put this....erm...interesting :-X but I don't like to bang on about stuff like this too much as (A) most people don't seem to care (B) the often bitter experience of 50+ years on planet earth have left me with the distinct impression that most people don't seem to like hearing opposing views. Not that I have any, of course.
The Russian Embassy released this statement...
https://www.rusemb.org.uk/fnapr/6909
But they would say that, wouldn't they, etc, etc ;)
Thanks again.
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Hey Paul
Perfectly vague for me! It lets the listener write their own story while you get to keep your original meaning to yourself (and those who’ve solve it). For that I thought these were very clever and captivating lyrics and sung in your usual distinctive tones!
It doesn’t fail to meet the expectations I already have of your music, which are high! I don’t listen to critique but just to listen because I enjoy your music! Makes commenting hard because it’s my usual thumbs up but thought I’d pop in and give you that any way!
Great track mate
All the best
Darren
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Hi,
I like your song. The mix of rock voice and melodic acoustic guitar gives something original. The song is well composed. It's very catchy, well driven also by an excellent vocal set-up.
Great job!
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@paulads,
Roddy Frame is one of my favourite writers, You should have sent this to me and I would have played acoustic lead as that’s really my thing. Having said that you have done a grand job yourself. The song is lovely, it reminds me that I need to get back to doing band style pop songs as I once did. This is quite delightful my friend!
Paul
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My partner is from East Kilbride where Roddy Frame is from and she knows her Aztec Camera stuff. She says that there is no doubt that this is in that vein and that she loves your track. I tend to agree. Catchy chorus. Great guitar and bass sound and sounds crystal clear. Great job.
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Yo Paul.
Huh,how did I miss this one? Put it down to my age! :P
Love the song man. Being a lover of oblique lyrics,I'm going to imagine it can be about the joys of alcohol...or it could be about the poisoning of Sergei and Yulia Skripal and the follow up perfume bottle incident.
Anyhow,did I mention I loved the song and that great bass thumping away!
Off to give it a few more plays n'schitt. 8)
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I totally can hear the aztec camera thing and it adds something nice to your sound.
Love the organ work as well, really skilful and authentic sounding.
Super stuff!
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) this is very very very very very VERY......very catchy..
Loved it cool bassline, great voice. ... and super chorus which was very catchy. Brilliant :) :)
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This is fantastic! I loved the guitar intro and all over the song was fantastic. It got me intrigued from the first tone.