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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: SlavaB on September 25, 2019, 03:39:06 PM
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Hi guys,
Prior and After releasing my EP "Ants" had a busy times, gigging and going on radio shows and working towards media exposure I wrote this track, literally an hour ago and would love to know your opinions.
Lyrics :
I laid down on the ground
My eyes shut, i see my dreams
Twisted action, crazy time
Have no light, it just highlights.
Feeling cold, and feeling wind
Someone help me to come back
Verse 1
Daily work and Daily meetings
Daily stress and daily nerves
Daily faces, Daily habbits
I fed up to see all this
Soon as i start planning further
Some restriction does come up
I need changes, changes changes changes
To prevent me going down!
Chorus :
Iam not , iam not
Iam not going down, im telling you now!
Verse 2
Start improving and develop
Certain plans which just may help
And like always something happens
Something going not to plan
Iam diving inside me
Go unconcious i felt down
I can see no body near
Who can help me to standstill
Chorus
Darkness filling up my eyes
Felt on stone - felt like feather pillow
I wont be back, to that world
To feel the pain and play systems game.
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This just made me grin from ear to ear. I love that massive wide fuzzy guitar sound in the choruses. The lyrics are cool - a neat summary of the angst of a very bad admin day. I like the handclap section too. But most of all, it is that guitar sound stretching from horizon to horizon that I like the most. Yeah yeah!
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Hey @SlavaB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19895) I'm so pleased to hear that you're managing to manipulate the media and get some radio play. You have been missed ;) I always love the stuff that you do and I know that know your production stuff. The only thing that I would say would be with regard to lyrics in English. If you wanted it to be in perfect English ,it might need some amendments but I would say leave it as it is as it enhances your image 😀 Plus it gives your song so much grit. Go for it Man, you will always have my support !
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Hi, Liked the guitar sounds and the Rammstein style vocals. The angsty style vocals were at odds with the pedestrian message of a bad day ;D ;).
Enjoyed it!
Cheers
Jamie
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Go slava, I have only respect for you man, you write songs, play em live, make something happen, you don’t sit around waiting for a contact to land on your lap.
Remember the forum once you play Glastonbury...
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This one flows really well (I can't do this in an hour!). It's a complete song and the contrasting guitars, and keyboards, are really effective.
Probably a bit of honing would improve it (e.g. the feather pillow line needs some work to fit to the backing) but it essentially works as it is!
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Lovin your style SlavaB.
The only thing I'd fix would be the tuning on the solo acoustic,'tis a mite off.
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Wicked stuff, great unique Eastern European pop rock style you got here. Love the vocal delivery.
Just enjoyed the weird catchiness of it all.
Put a great big smile on my face.
:-)
neil