The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on September 25, 2019, 03:17:57 PM
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the song without a heart.
Hello folks!
I've been a way for a while... never mind.
This is an old song of mine, re-done. I'd like to say it was a joy to produce but it was quite troublesome.
I've an acoustic version of this on S.C. that was always difficult to reproduce in a live setting.
Feedback very welcome. I hope you enjoy the song.
Link:
https://soundcloud.com/rightly/the-song-without-a-heart
Lyrics:
song without a heart
A friend is someone who can see you smiling
Even in the dark
She's there, right there when y'need reminding
Of who you really are
She guards y'against all that is phony
Alone with her is far from lonely
Mostly I'm a man of two minds
one looks forward, n'one looks behind
At times I don't truly see myself n' I
I just may want to go blind
I was hard n' warm, she was soft but cold
Thought it might be what i want, what th' ... did I know?
You're the song without a heart
'Bout as useless as a deck of playing cards
so, what do you know?
it's off to school we go
... and
She said, let's pretend like some mothers do
Saw it on T.V. that's how I know it is true
Here I am now, one solitary fool
I would sit down but I cannot find an upturned stool
If I could touch things, make them come alive
If I sang to you would you show me what listening looks like?
You're the song without a heart
Like the peacocks tail in the dark
so, what do you know?
it's off to work you go
You're the song to sing along without a heart
_____________________________
rightly
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Big steps forward in production for you, lately...without losing any of your integrity or inventiveness.
Very good stuff.
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@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219), You continue to push the boundaries. I think that your compositions and production experience have opened up a new dimension. Original as Fuck and I love that big time :)
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Really liked this. Some of the lyrics are priceless - the opening couplet especially. They're quite accessible by your cryptic standards, but still a little elusive - you still have to work at them a bit and they are very interesting / open to interpretation because of that (I think you've struck a particularly good balance on that with this one). The blend of instruments is great - unusual, and I really like the slightly bluesy/jazzy licks we get from some of the keyboard lines. Also really like the "Hey!"s near the end.
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I can imagine you struggled with the production on this one. In my ears is quite complex. But i think you've managed to blend the instruments well. I like the break section before the chorus. It is really necessary to keep track of were in the song you are and its good that you made different versions of it through out the song. Cool vocals!
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Hi R, another boundary crashing song. Love the fractured backing track, lots of ,counterpoint isn't quite right, but competing instruments/lines which actually combined very nicely imho! I've been trying to think of who you're vocal style reminds me of, and whilst this example isn't 'like for like' there is something of a similarity there. Listen to Party fears two, by the associates and you might get what I mean!
very good Rightly, another intriguing piece from you!
Cheers
Jamie
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It's moody...I expect that!
It's very distinctive. You really are finding a niche for yourself I reckon. Your vocal has always been interesting and with a lot of appeal. Now you're finding your musical/ production signature sound.
It's a fascinating journey...I'm sure you'll agree.
Also love the 'hey' s. Look, I like it all...The darkish piano and the intricate string arrangement. The 'extra' vocal bits.
I have this idea, well I wonder anyway - I voiced it before - how much Berlin features in your development and if you would be doing the same thing if you were in...er...Tewkesbury say. Maybe you would...maybe I'm just being fanciful...I don't know Berlin at all after all.
Should be an intriguing album!
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It's moody...I expect that!
It's very distinctive. You really are finding a niche for yourself I reckon. Your vocal has always been interesting and with a lot of appeal. Now you're finding your musical/ production signature sound.
It's a fascinating journey...I'm sure you'll agree.
Also love the 'hey' s. Look, I like it all...The darkish piano and the intricate string arrangement. The 'extra' vocal bits.
I have this idea, well I wonder anyway - I voiced it before - how much Berlin features in your development and if you would be doing the same thing if you were in...er...Tewkesbury say. Maybe you would...maybe I'm just being fanciful...I don't know Berlin at all after all.
Should be an intriguing album!
Thanks for the feedback @viscount.
I've a very long way to go with producing before I'm satisfied with my skills.
I do like being busy with it. The journey, but I'm not long sighted.
My limitations are still my most defining factor. I really like exceeding my understanding n going with sounds I like. I need to write more, the best bit is when a song just writes itself.
Theres sometimes a bit of editing but the song has always existed.
Berlin doesn't really influence me much. I'm perceived as quite unique here. I got quite a bit of stick when I stopped only playing the guitar. I lost some strange friends for that.
The discipline of playing live as an original artist takes a lot of nerve and thick skin.
Thick skin isn't good, I'd rather stay sensitive. Still I'll be happy to play again soon.
Theres a big enough scene here for music but so many imitators.
The best concerts I've been to are by unknown artists, their concerts very poorly attended.
I've been to some excellent jazz concerts lately.
Culturally Berlin has comparatively a helluva lot to offer.
I like living here, I dont think I take it for granted.
My musical tastes are very varied, I like good poetry and I just get irritated when hearing lazy lyrics.
I think if I was living in Wigan I'd still be going my own way musically.
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The others have said it quite rightly ;D
This is inventive and cool. Almost trippy but in a modern way if that makes any sense.
Love the lyrics and delivery.
It's got some nice spaces in the mix which suit perfectly.
Maybe a tad too long - but I'm always going on about that aren't I?
Good stuff!
Paul
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Terrific lyrics man..just loved em!!! original production and arrangement..very interesting listen :)
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The others have said it quite rightly ;D
This is inventive and cool. Almost trippy but in a modern way if that makes any sense.
Love the lyrics and delivery.
It's got some nice spaces in the mix which suit perfectly.
Maybe a tad too long - but I'm always going on about that aren't I?
Good stuff!
Paul
So glad you like the song.
And yes you've mentioned length before. lol.
Well how long is a story? The answer is, what story?
Lol.
I've nothing against 2.5 minute songs, I've written a good few.
Some songs go on for weeks! Lol.
Actually maybe I can sympathize, non fiction books are often too long, for a thicker book you can expect to part with more money. alas this isn't the case here. It's not for sale.
I say, respectfully, it's as long as need be.
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Lots of food for thought here - a peacock's tail in the dark; useless as a desk of cards...
Really liking the piano and (accordion?). Drama in the pauses and swells. Defiantly hookless...
Very satisfying for when only slow food will do.
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Lots of food for thought here - a peacock's tail in the dark; useless as a desk of cards...
Really liking the piano and (accordion?). Drama in the pauses and swells. Defiantly hookless...
Very satisfying for when only slow food will do.
Food for the heart, Adam. lol.
Glad you like. Its an accordion.
All the best!
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I really enjoyed the verses, i feel its david bowie esk. I really love the swells brings tension. Great and the production is really good.
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Yo Rightly.
I'm loving the evolution of your music and as PaulAds already said,this is really accessible,yet retains your original credibility.
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@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - This, to me, is your best yet, sublime lyrics. Very clever indeed. Love the way you extend the lyrics over the end of the natural end of the line.
Got to be a SOTM contender.
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Hi rightly
Quiet unique with those drums, piano and brass and the arrangement.
Provides a cool backdrop for the your vocals
Lots to like here
:-)
neil
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Hey @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) I really like this! Words are great.. and as I expect with your music, it is interesting and original. A great production!
K
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Hey @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) I really like this! Words are great.. and as I expect with your music, it is interesting and original. A great production!
K
Really, I'm actually surprised (and glad) folks like this production.
It's not bad. I want to do better.
I dunno why but I seem to often be in a rush to get these songs sorted.
Thanks for commenting monodb.
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Hey @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) I really like this! Words are great.. and as I expect with your music, it is interesting and original. A great production!
K
Really, I'm actually surprised (and glad) folks like this production.
It's not bad. I want to do better.
I dunno why but I seem to often be in a rush to get these songs sorted.
Thanks for commenting monodb.
Well, I find myself that I'm never happy when I push the button. It's normally when I've reached the end of my tether and cannot effectively mix any more! So it usually feels just as you've described! :)
K