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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on September 10, 2019, 01:07:34 PM
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Hello to all of my old friends and sparring partners!
After a long period of total disinterest in all things musical, I've even folded my busy covers band...ffs, I've decided to dip my toe in the water again with a new song. Started of as a piano doodle and ended up at 6,31 or so (I know ......too long :P). Anyway, I've tried to put something extra into the production, arrangement and variation. Keen to know if there's any discernible difference to my previous efforts! Look forward to your usual thoughtful and constructive comments!
Cheers
Jamie
Promise to catch up with the stuff you guys have been getting up to too 8) ;D
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/i-am-lost
I am lost
How can you come back to me
Hands are full can't take the weight
Take control make it easy
My head is full of awful thoughts
Wrap me up in your thoughts and
Bring me in to all things
Freaking out please don't judge me
It'll be alright It'll be alright
Chorus
Bursting out of the void
The diving board awaits you
Down the wires speed of light
Flick the lights and fade away
Bridgey thing
Fear the past it will come back, will cone back to haunt you
Here it comes its always with me, here it comes again and again
Put a spell on all of us
Mortal souls fear all things
Where's the truth? It's all suspicion
I am lost don't come and don't come and find me
Chorus
Instrumental Bridgey thing
Outro Bridget thing
Here it comes, its always with me ,here it comes again, and again........
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Jamie. Lovely track and great to have you back.
Meandering, sensitive, atmospheric, capturing, chilled, moody, Jamie, growing.
Cool return
:-)
Neil
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A great piece Jamie. Moody, atmospheric, soulful yet full of melody. Nice use of space and it kept my attention throughout and didn't seem like 6:34 Some unexpected chord progressions. Reminded me of Prefab Sprout in some ways. An excellent return. Welcome back :)
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Yo Jamie,long time no hear! Good to see you still alive and composing! :)
The opening bars are verging on ominous,then the sad,melancholy vocals come in and give us a lift.
I love the twists and turns and the way you tease us with the unexpected chordal stuff,clever work!
At a whopping 6.34,not many songs keep my full attention,yet this fat bastard hides it's corpulence supremely well. Cool trick Man.
A fine return to form Jamie. 8)
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Great glowering intro - made me think of Massive Attack - then a great pivot into a more major key melody, that was a neat surprise. Ace chorus - the diving board line, the ascending melodies, and especially the way the 2 repeats of "Fade away" resolve differently (another surprise). I'm hearing lots of other influences in here: McCartney's solo work, Talk Talk, Tears for Fears, Donald Fagin (not sure if you like any of them but I do!). I think it is really the way the track takes its time and has a weight and elegance to it because of that. There are even shades of prog rock later in the track. Impressive stuff that certainly didn't feel like 6 and a half minutes.
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Jamie. This is excellent. A masterful work. Very glad I listened (nearly didn't when I saw the length) as the others have said it doesn't overstay it's welcome. The vocals are superb. Great delivery and the backing and production are very accomplished. Great job
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Felt like 4 mins mate, welcome back, a masterful piece of work ... 8)
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Really brilliant to have you back, Jamie...I've missed your songs...they're always real quality.
This is no exception...super sweet vocals, really inventive chords and has a lovely feel to it.
Unique sound that I think I'd recognise anywhere. To fail to answer your specific question...I thought it sounded every bit as good as I remember you sounding...and that is very good indeed.
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Hello Jamie, how's it going?
To answer your question....I think it sounds very much like your normal output with the unexpected (although I now expect them!) chord changes/choices and their melodic counterparts.
It's a very haunting song and has your trademark production which is always better than you give it credit for.
The bridge parts are my favourite with that nice catchy synth riff which is a strong motif and the 'fear the past....it will come back etc etc' has more impact than the chorus for me.
As always top quality work.
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Hi guys, thanks for listening and commenting, its always appreciated!
@ Neil, brilliant comments, moody etc was exactly what I was aiming at!
Thanks
@John, cheers John, love Prefab Sprout too! Lovely comments its appreciated.
Thanks
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061),yep still alive lol.just.......Always enjoy your comments you always find an angle to add some humour to your wise words!
Thanks
@ PX, love all the bands you ref and I also love prog rock!Well spotted.Glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks
@ MP, glad you listened! You are too kind.Always slightly wary of how such a slow song would be received!
Thanks
@Kevin,Concise as ever, appreciate your comments.
Thanks
@PA, great comments thanks its appreciated! We all work hard on this stuff and its always great to get some praise for the efforts! As you know strange chord progressions are my thing, glad I didn't disappoint!
Thanks
@VC, aha you didn't mention the lyrics lol. Thanks for the kind comments on the production , I never feel as if I know as much as many of the pro style guys who post here. And as I said to PA glad I didn't disappoint with the chordal strangeness!
Thanks
Thanks again guys, I'm always slightly surprised when I get good reviews, but of course delighted with such positive comments
Cheers
Jamie
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Just listening again..very considered production and arrangement...rock on mate!! :) 8) 8)
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Hi Jamie - this is so unmistakably you, with leaping melodies and original progressions. It's a great atmosphere you created with my favorite part the "fade away" line...
Very cool, and no problem with a long song where it's justified.
Great to hear you again!
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Lovely atmospheric piece. Top notch vocals. Usually listen to half a long song but not this little beauty. Reminds me in parts of The Damned in a mellow way. Going to listen to your other stuff now. A big fat 10 from me.
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How can you play something THAT slow and still pull it off? :)
I like how the synths track the melody.
Gripping song Jamie - nice to have you back :)
Excellent track.
Paul
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@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125),
Love the single guitar notes for the intro. Vocal melody is instantly appealing. shades of my favourite composer Paddy McAloon do extra points there my friend. I wonder what you and I could rustle up together in a collaboration as this is right up my street. To be honest, I don't feel that I need yo appraise this song. I'm simply going yo sit back and allow the emotion to wash over me.
Well done!
Paul
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Moody and lush - beautiful piece of music. I particularly love the section building around 5.18 - among other lovely parts. Agree that it didn't seem its own length. Holds the interest nicely. Lovely vocals and piano also. Look forward to hearing more!
K
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Hi all, thanks for listening!
Hi Kevin, pleased you liked the production, you are so on to when it comes to that stuff!
Hi Adam, glad i have an identifiable style (hopefully in a good way ;D), as you know i love to find new and different progressions so pleased you commented on them.
Hi MM, ill take a 10 anyway, thanks! Glad I held you till the end.
Hi Paul, yes I know it is slow. Thats why I worked on the production, arrangement, instrumentation, drums etc more than I have ever done before, as I knew it was a big ask to keep attention for 6.5 mins!Thanks for your kind words!
Hi Paul (WD's),you're very kind glad you enjoyed it, I love Paddy too! Would love to do something with you !
Hi M DB,Glad you enjoyed it, moody and lush was part of what I was aiming for!
Great comments guys, its appreciated!
Just one thought, and I don't think anyone picked up on it, obviously I like all the parts of the song ( :P), but for me the icing on the cake is the high chiming guitar that comes in at the start of the second verse and harmonises with the melody.It plays in unison through the chorus's and then comes back harmonising in the last verse too!
Cheers guys, thanks
Jamie
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Wow!! That is a really impressive song mate. Glorious melodies that take unpredictable little twists and turns. I love how the piano supports the vocal in the verses, very pretty!😁👍🏻 in fact I loved everything about the backing track except for the drums, which were fine...but for my taste a little heavy for the track. I want bothered by the length of it (oi oi!!!!🤪) some songs should just be as long as it takes...however if you did fancy shortening it I could hear some easy enough places to end it.😁👍🏻
Mix wise (I'm listening on my apple pods) I just felt the vocal needs some more automation or compression as quite a few low phrases just get swallowed in the mix, there was also one instance I heard on the first "agains" where it was too loud.
Any hoo...it really is a track to be proud of mate and I hope my ramblings are of some use to you.🎶👊🏻🎶🙋🏼♂️
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Hi Leo, thanks for listening. I couldn't disagree with your technical assessment, as I am always just happy to get something that sounds 'about right', as I have no real tech skill. Just learning by trial and error (mostly error :P). I must say I was very pleased with the drums, because the track is so slow, I thought I had to use different sections and some dynamics to carry the listener along. I wanted the drums to have the sort of impact that Phil Collins got with 'In the air tonight". So I guess its personal taste? Loved all your comments, as I really enjoy your stuff, great vocals, arrangements and production! :D
Thanks again!
Cheers
Jamie
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great song!
I like that recurring build up
with hear it comes. Lovely piece of work.
you were gone too long. Welcome back!
thanks for sharing your gift.
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Hi Rightly, good to hear from you! Thanks for your kind words ;D, and for listening, glad you enjoyed it.
Cheers 8)
Jamie
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I love the verse melody so nice! And let's be honest the production is amazing I could only dream being that good. Well done:)
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Hi @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - Welcome back, although I think I joined after you dipped out, nice to hear this.
Listening to this for the first time....
Thought the first section to 1:58 didn't need the drums, it was certainly strong enough without it. Gotta go no to make breakfast... will be back soon...Looking forward to hearing the rest Jamie, as the others have said it's an engaging listen.
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Hi guys, thanks for listening!
@SandM, the production on your song was really good! Everyday is a school day for me when it comes to production, so thanks for the cool comment! Yes the verse melody was the first thing I came up with and knew I could make something decent with it 8).
@CPM,as I mentioned before I felt the track needed drums and drum variations because of the slow tempo. Its all opinion and taste though 8) ;D. Hope you had a good breakfast and listening didn't put you off it :P :o ;)
Cheers
guys
Jamie
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Not being any kind of subtle songwriter myself, it's great to hear how it's done properly! Even the more powerful sections are somewhat understated here, although the quieter and sweeter sections are my favourite. You have put a beautiful vocal on this and the breathy synth work really sells the languid mood of it all.
It's a shame you stopped producing for a bit, but I know myself how hard it can be to remain motivated. But if you can produce this kind of quality, you should certainly try and have a bit of a sustained period of activity and see where it takes you.
Six minutes? Where did that go then? ;)
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Hi, thanks for listening!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)-Great comments thanks for that.It's great to get a comment on the vocals as ,like most of us, I'm not that confident of it :P. Yes, the quiet writing and recording spell has happened to me a couple of time over the last year or two, and the last was my longest. I guess you sometimes wonder why you put so much effort into something thats never really going to 'get anywhere' ::) ;D. Anyway enjoyed producing this one and I have another underway. ;D Lets wait and see what happens!
Cheers and thanks again. 8)
Jamie