The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: adamfarr on September 09, 2019, 07:27:56 PM
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Hi all - a great pleasure to introduce a collaboration with the talented PaulAds, with contributions from the elegant Pompeyjazz.
Paul and I had discussed various collaboration ideas for a while, but when he sent me this tune and riff I was knocked out and everything followed easily from that.
The lyrics are mostly inspired by Sarfraz Manzoor's book 'Greetings from Bury Park' (now of course a film - Blinded by the Light, which I actually haven't seen yet). My parents weren't immigrants, and we never had anyone urinate through our letterbox, but the story feels quite universal (though I'm from Luton so for me the effect may be a little heightened by nostalgia). "A life far from Luton and its limitations" (from the book) already has a great sound to it.
Great fun to collaborate with talented people who can do things I can't and have ideas I wouldn't (and who show me how to work fast!)
Melody and all instruments: PaulAds
Backing vocals: Pompeyjazz
Production / mixing / mastering: PaulAds
Lyrics and lead vocal: Adam
Specific and constructive comments welcome as ever.
ANIMALS
V1
Whatever their hands could make, our parents gave us
But I'm here in a strange town surrounded by racists
I want to make changes for my generation
A life far from this place and its limitations
PRE1
My family tells me I’m still a cat
But only dogs can get on in this town
So in public I just need to bark
But fitting in feels like letting them down
CH
You act like Animals - pissing through our letterbox
You call us Animals - praying to a different god
You act like Animals - trash our hopes of betterment
You call us Animals - all we wanted was just to live and to let live
V2
My father learned English, to run to a new town
My mother worked all night, to get on the airplane
I'm learning new tricks, to get out of Luton
I’m doing uni, to move up the food chain
PRE2
I see bull-dogs passing through our streets
I seek refuge with the other dog-cats
Plenty in common, we're never relaxed
With three lions ruling our habitat
CH
FINALE
My father learned English, to run to a new town
My mother worked all night, to get on the airplane
I want to make changes for my generation
A life far from this place and its limitations
Repeat CH
(c) 2019, Paul Adamson / Adam Farr, all rights reserved
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Ha, this is super. Where to start? Things I love: the great leap up in the chorus melody. The neat little winding riff that open it and comes after the chorus. The way the verse vocal melody copies this riff. The four-to-the-floor drums in the verses. The line about pissing through a letterbox. The line about 3 lions ruling the habitat (very clever). The message of the lyrics overall (bit harsh on actual animals maybe!). It's a joy guys... a fine collaboration in all regards.
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Yes a really, really strong song here. I'm taken back to somewhere around 1980 with the energy and sounds here.
Powerful intro grabs you straight away and doesn't let go.
The lyrics are really sharply observe and relatable and Adam does a great delivery and reminds me a bit of Pete Shelly :-)
And then go to a queue changed catchy chorus.
Arrangement and bv's etc all dovetailing into a whole. Love the guitars Paul.
Should have been a hit.
Neat, neat neat
:-)
neil
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If you listen to it without concentrating on the lyrics, then it is a very energetic and vibrant offering, but then the lyrics actually made me sad, of course. A nice songwriting contradiction that and pulled off very well.
That opening riff is very clever as it descends seemingly forever. I get the Pete Shelley comment above, there's a kind of bitter angst in the vocal tone and delivery. Spat out like bullets at times.
In the chorus that backing vocal is fab and insanely catchy, as is the guitar interplay. Can definitely sing-a-long to the chorus by the end, so gotta be good.
Only slight suggestion would be to maybe vocally harmonise lines 2 and 4 of the pre-chorus to give it a bit of lift.
Anyhow, really enjoyed this one, very creative collaboration with strengths and delight right across the board. :)
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Adam, Paul and John - woah - this woke me up this morning - lots of in-yer-face fun and energy here.
Great punk sound and vibe.
Good lyrics and arrangement. The only thing I noticed as a nit was the lead vocal seems delayed in the verses - maybe push it forward about 200ms.
Nice collab guys :D :D
Paul
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Yo Paul,Adam and John.
What a monster driving backing track,love that descending guitar riff and the honking,throbbing bass,great work Paul,this thing would punch hard even as an instrumental.
Adam's vocals fit perfectly with the disaffected lyrical tone,melodic punk!
John's keen ear for the BVs are the icing on the cake. 8)
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A great collab guys. Right up my street. Foot tapping rockin fun. Love the way it bursts in. Great lyrics, vox and spot on harmonies. Some great talent on this forum and would love to hear and hopefully get involved in some collabs in the future. Going for a 4th listen with the volume blasting. Just waiting on the neighbours banging through.
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Whoa - great energy to this from the get go!!
Lyrics are fab @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - I am partial to a very wordy lyric myself I must confess so this is right up my street.. You say the melody was @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) (if you will indulge my curiously) does that mean that he wrote the vocal melody and provided that (as an instrumental melody) and you wrote the words to it? Feel free to ignore if you don't want to impart your creative process, I'm just being nosy!!
Anyhoo... everything is rather magnificent to be honest. I just loved the whole thing.. I'd love to see you guys play this live!!
K
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Blimey..this is awesome!! 8) super tuneful intro, brilliant lift with the chorus and the lyrics made me smile (hope that's ok) 8) Adams vocal is perfect for this style of song...loved the bass line,
what a great start to the morning this track is guys..well done :) :) :) :)
best, Kevin
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Energy in abundance. Instantly catchy guitar riffs and a driving rhythm section. Adam, your vocal sounds excellent. There’s a real lift at the chorus and I can hear Pompey has worked is magic with his superb backing vocals.
So many good things happening here “I’m doing Uni to move up the food change” I love it!
Great job on the production and mastering Paul.
Paul
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Ta everyone... Just to clarify for Karen @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Adam is being too kind, really...he deserves 99% of the credit for the melody, as everything apart from the guitar riff was his. I sent him a sort of bare-bones backing track which he worked out the lyrics and melody for...then sent it back with the vocals on. I made a bit of a blunder in the arrangement and I'm pleased to say that Adam spotted it and put me back on track. We then fiddled a little with the structure and I added a couple of extra guitar bits and the floor-tom section to break it up a little.
I'm so pleased it worked out so well. Adam's such an intelligent and thoughtful musician...i felt like I'd let him down a bit with our earlier collaboration attempt...but I just couldn't bring home the bacon (as you probably can't say nowadays) that time. Just goes to show that things don't always go as planned...but where there's a will, there's a wahey 😃
Our friend John @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) was a massive help...not just with his superb backing vicals...but with the production side too.
It was going to be a duet...but then I went with a duet idea but with only one singer...to get across the idea of being conflicted. Adam's vocal fitted so well... So I ditched my own vocals, but kept the panning and separation. The descending guitar riff became a representation of the UK swirling around the toilet bowl as it flushes itself into oblivion...
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Love the backing track right from the kick-off. Impossible to not get taken along with it...drums, bass, guitar all working together in lovely fashion....really grabs you. Love the descending guitar part...great intro to the vocal.
Vocal is bloody great here Adam...first verse voice like the old you...second one a nice tougher variant.
Manic drums are kicking here in those verses!
Super catchy chorus with PJ's backing vox is a monster.
Hard-hitting, too true lyrics have a lot of neat touches....the three lions tag is nice, nice.
Love the song boys. Oh yes....sound is great too whoever did that bit.
Nice one!
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Brilliant, just great loved it. Great guitars tones and playing, especially loved the bass riffs and tone. Brilliant vocal Adam, the best I've heard from you, and John's backing vox were excellent too!
What's not to like?
Cheers
Jamie
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I was just absolutely delighted to be a very small part of this production and thank you @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) and @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) for inviting me to the party. Adam's lyrics are cutting, perceptive and bang on observation wise. My favourite line is the three lions ruling our habitat line. There's a sense of fear in both the lyrics and music that seems to accentuate that feeling. I love the fact that Adam has got into character for the vocal delivery. A spitting snarling vocal delivery on the sad state of our massively divided country. Musically, so tight and full of originality and of course I'm always a sucker for a Rickenbacker bass line. My oohs and aahs and la la la lahs are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things but I hope that they made a little bit of difference. Top quality work you two.
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What a great collab guys! Very catchy, nice vocal Adam, I especially like how the verses pan slightly differently on each line. The bv’s are awesome too and the backing track is on fiiiiiire!!! Nice work! The only thing I noticed was that the second pre chorus “sings” a little clunky in the second line....”the other dog cats” that’s all I’ve got.😊👍🏻
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Apologies for slight bump, been a bit tied up for a few days but wanted to say a huge thanks for all the listens and great comments. To be honest, when you have a backing track as good as this one everything else comes pretty easily, so I'm really grateful for PaulAds offering it and doing all the hard yards in putting it together and getting Pompeyjazz involved to round it off.
Total pleasure to add my bits to this one and really pleased with how it turned out. As always, got a lot out of colaborating too.
Thanks everyone!
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Hi adam.
I'm glad you pushed it.
I'm surprised I haven't heard this before.
Nothing at all to dislike about it.
Lyrics, voice, guitar, arrangement - all is perfect here.
Very well done to all concerned.
Great song.