The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Neil C on September 03, 2019, 11:41:50 AM
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Hi, so here's the last of the three songs's we've done together all based on lyrical ideas that Pauly sent me 9 months ago.
So here's a rather dark one, which I've tried to give a menacing, expansive treatment.
Anyway let us know what your feedback and thought. Thanks for listening.
:)
neil
If you wanna have a pop at the oligarchy
Book a slot with my secretary
The door is always open - and all that malarkey
We’ve got leather chairs, you can have a spin
Might make some notes, look like we’re listening
While the knives in the kitchen - are all glistening
We’ve got so much in common, if you cut us we’d bleed
When your belly starts to rumble, don’t forget the hand that feeds
By now you must be starving
Don’t bite off more than you can chew
Open wide coz daddy’s carving
We’re in charge so it must be true
Self expression, so overrated
Careless thought eradicated
We all know what happens when the cat escapes
Freedom’s just a seductive illusion
So much better to avoid confusion
The truth is such a nebulous thing
It drives the wrong behaviour
So set the table and get to the back of the line
I might cut you a slice after I’ve had mine
By now you must be starving
Don’t bite off more than you can chew
Open wide coz daddy’s carving
Say your grace or daddy might carve you
With clarity of thought and purity of mind
Brandish your knife and fork. Now it’s time to dine
By now you must be starving
Don’t bite off more than you can chew
Open wide coz daddy’s carving
Say your grace or daddy might carve you
c Sands/Connor 2019
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Yo Neil and Paul.
Satisfyingly dark and cynical lyrically.
Great work on the guitars and orchestration,I hear a David Gilmour thing coming and going in your voice,Neil.
Sumfink up with the SC waveform. Although the song finishes at 5 minutes,it tracks on until 6.18
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This is fabulous guys. Paul's lyrics are always cleverly crafted and interesting and in this instance deep and dark. I really like the imstrumemtation and arrangement, especially the strings which give it a North African/ Middle eastern vibe like some Robert Plant stuff. Impeccably played and produced. A top quality track you two
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Brilliant lyrics were possibly always going to steal the show...but the music is absolutely top quality too. The string stabs work perfectly to add tension.
The playout at the end is great and leaves us with a sinister feeling of impending horror. Tip top fellas.
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Gotta love those lyrics - they're fantastic!
Performance and arrangement is great - another fan of those guitars and strings... you two make a great team I must say - really enjoyed this! Great song!
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Lordy, that's dark. Pretty disturbing images conjured up in this listener's mind. I think the backing works really well to create/support that. Great work...
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Clever piece of grown-up rock writing, accomplished both instrumentally and lyrically. I really like that signature riff that seems to hold it together well.
The song ambled through its necessary length quite easily, so it didn't seem overlong, and yes I can relate to that Pink Floyd comment by the Skubster.
Nice bit of narrative understated singing there too, did the lyrics proud. Nice collaboration all round ;)
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I think this ok I’m not great into going into loads of details the lyrics are good I think x
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Skub, 'Satisfyingly dark and cynical lyrically' great comment. I'be had the Gilmore reference before but not listened to them much, although he clearly can play...
PompeyJohn, well chuffed with your feedback thanks
PaulAds, yes enjoyed playing with the strings and the outro needed to give some relief
MonnoDB, really great feedback, the words needed suitable backdrop
adamfarr, dark and disturbing :-)
Michael A, thanks for the grow up rock and understated vocals
Girlinside, thanks for the listen.
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It's great to hear exactly where you are on your writing journey Neil. Always experimenting to produce something different. Love those lingering chords and sparse string parts. At times, exceptional lyrics and super production!
Paul
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Hi guys, very nice collaboration. Lyrics and music sitting nice together, not fighting each other. Very nice vocal performance Neil, and you usual great guitar tone. I thought it touched on Mr Gilmour a few times and I was waiting for a DG style guitar solo, which never came.........Neil!
Good stuff guys really enjoyed it.
Cheers
Jamie
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Great collab guys :) Loved the menacing vibe...the music suits the lyrics perfectly...an amazing job on both :o Fabulous guitar and production :)
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Great job guys! U make a fab team! Great singing Neil. Not much to say that hasn’t been said except that to my ears some of those string stabs need quantising a little.
Don’t you dare stop at three guys!😄🎶👊🏻🎶👊🏻🎶