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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Modestmouse1965/ on August 25, 2019, 11:47:46 PM

Title: With My Honey
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on August 25, 2019, 11:47:46 PM
https://soundcloud.com/user-335183051/with-my-honey

With My Honey

Sun is in the sky
I've had a long lie
Feelin on high
With my honey now
Could i be in a better old town
Have a better old life
I push and i give it all
Til the day that i last breathe in
The lights go dim and my body has given up
Free of sin Sailing out of my skin
Smiling at the wind
I push and i give it all

With my honey now ......

In the past
Didn't think it would last
Thought it was going too fast
It seems so funny now
Couldn't think
I was at the brink
Going down the sink
I push and i give it all
All it took was to read one book
Just to have one look
To see what i really want
Free of sin Sailing out my skin
Smiling at the wind
I push and i give it all

With my honey now ......

Its the Last stop
Give it up
Everything that you saw
The Last stop
Give it up
Everything that you saw
If you shower me
Then i'm cold
You've got to lay it out
Say it out loud my honey
Time (you've got the time).......




























Hi my name is Stevy. My friend and i wrote a bunch of demos in 2006 so i recently thought that i should get them out there for feedback. These demos were recorded in my kitchen with cheap gear and not a lot of production knowledge. I cant play drums so I programmed all drums with how i heard them in my head but have not got a clue how to think like a drummer. The same is true with the keyboard ,Lead guitar and very basic Bass parts. My friend and i played all the parts of each song to the best of our ability. I feel i am not a bad rhythm guitar player so quite happy to re-record the rhythm guitar myself. I am not a great singer so will be considering finding a singer also.  I hope you guys can hear what i am trying to achieve in each demo as i will be uploading around 12 of them through time. My plan is to collaberate with a drummer bass player lead guitarist and keyboard player to eventually re-record all 12 songs.
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: adamfarr on August 26, 2019, 09:39:11 AM
This is right up my street. Funky, British, guitars, with a little bit of a Crazy Town vibe. Drums are good sounding and probably with a real drummer this would be on a another level.
You may be a little too much of a modestmouse...
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: shadowfax on August 26, 2019, 09:45:23 AM
Pretty cool for a kitchen production 8) definitely need the lyrics, the bit from around 3.18 is not needed IMHO or maybe it should fade out quicker, good chorus, not a lot going on in the left of the stereo image, thought you could maybe make more of the signature guitar riff on the right of the image, maybe stop everything and have the riff played at center a few times..would sound good IMHO... 8)
also agree with Adams comments...

great effort mate.. :)
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: PaulyX on August 26, 2019, 12:12:18 PM
Very nice, a kind of Chilli Peppers vibe I thought.  I like the crispness of it and the energy. Yes it would be good to see the lyrics (I can’t make out what you are singing but they sound like they’ll be good). You have a good range in your voice, especially evident at the end.
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: MonnoDB on August 26, 2019, 03:50:33 PM
Hey @Modestmouse1965/ (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22459) - this is very catchy! I too would love to read the lyrics - I can't really hear what you're singing, I also think the drums are drowning out the vocal in places.. I liked the verses the best I think.. you have a great sound!

K
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 26, 2019, 07:44:33 PM
Really like this one, clever songwriting, definitely has legs for a rework, I’ll gladly help ....

Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: Wicked Deeds on August 26, 2019, 08:12:02 PM
A great track. It has energy and a great groove.  Catchy too. M8 breaks the track up and then it grows with the addition of the backing vocals, in the following section, lifting the song to a new level. I really enjoyed listening.

Paul
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on August 26, 2019, 11:17:08 PM
Really like this one, clever songwriting, definitely has legs for a rework, I’ll gladly help ....

Thanks Cowparsleyman
Been listening to your stuff and love it.
When the time comes to re-record my songs i will give you a shout if you are still interested in some help. Cheers
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on August 26, 2019, 11:22:38 PM
Thanks
adamfarr
shadowfax
PaulyX
MonnoDB
cowparsleyman
Wicked Deeds
for the kind words and helpful information which i will take on board when i re arrange and re-record the song. Cheers
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: redrhodie on August 27, 2019, 12:23:36 AM
Very cool. It's got that Sublime, top down, radio blasting on the way to the beach, summer sound. Makes you forget all your troubles for a few minutes. Glad you're pursuing this again.

Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 27, 2019, 06:02:46 AM
Really like this one, clever songwriting, definitely has legs for a rework, I’ll gladly help ....

Thanks Cowparsleyman
Been listening to your stuff and love it.
When the time comes to re-record my songs i will give you a shout if you are still interested in some help. Cheers

Glad you like my work, Look forward to assisting in giving your precious ideas new life
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: redrhodie on August 27, 2019, 12:27:20 PM
Really like this one, clever songwriting, definitely has legs for a rework, I’ll gladly help ....

Thanks Cowparsleyman
Been listening to your stuff and love it.
When the time comes to re-record my songs i will give you a shout if you are still interested in some help. Cheers

Glad you like my work, Look forward to assisting in giving your precious ideas new life

This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Good luck guys! Look forward to seeing what you do.
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 27, 2019, 01:30:01 PM
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) - That's very typical of you Lynn - so nice to have that kind of thing here, that's what makes this place very special to me..
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: Skub on August 30, 2019, 07:43:12 PM
Yo Stevy.

This is a very hooky track. There are lots of possibilities to develop the song further,because all the good stuff is present.

I'd be taking cowparsleyman up on his offer,he'll  do ya proud. Making the song shorter to give it more punch would be on my list of things to do.

I had a listen to a couple of songs on your soundcloud page and I love what I'm hearing. With a little production polish they'd be killer!
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on August 30, 2019, 09:32:51 PM
Thanks Skub appreciate your kind words been talking to cowparsleyman and we have made an arrangement for the future.
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: RealKevM on September 03, 2019, 02:00:01 AM
Yeah this is decent. Great groove and beat
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: cowparsleyman on September 05, 2019, 12:50:38 PM
Looking forward to it, @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) - yo  -you're spot on man, I know a hooky song when I hear one. Why not give some the ol'Skub prod magic on one of modest mouse's other tunes?
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: MichaelA on September 09, 2019, 03:55:26 PM
I liked the clever guitar riffing and the chorus is very catchy - and well sung too.

Yeah, it's mainly production issues that are less favourable, but if you are a muso or a band, well then production experts can fix that, and you shouldn't worry about it too much for now. If you can write hook lines like are on show in this song, and all these clever vocal interplays, well that's where your talent lies. Well done!
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on September 09, 2019, 08:46:07 PM
Thanks Michael. I appreciate your kind words.
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: PaulAds on September 09, 2019, 09:31:36 PM
A very cool song, mister mouse...sounds great as it is, and I reckon if you could beef up the production a bit...this would be a knockout. Vocals are really good...don't worry about them at all. New drums would probably yield a big improvement.

Your username reminded me of Churchil's comment about Clement Attlee..."a very modest man with much to be modest about" but it doesn't apply here. Churchill certainly wasn't my cup of tea. And Attlee was a great Prime Minister...zzzz

Joking aside...this is really great. I'll look forward to hearing the others...and the repeating end refrain is fab!
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on September 10, 2019, 07:54:59 PM
Thanks PaulAds for your encouraging words. Makes it all worthwhile for me to be back playing and writing again.
Title: Re: With My Honey
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on September 10, 2019, 08:55:12 PM
This is right up my street. Funky, British, guitars, with a little bit of a Crazy Town vibe. Drums are good sounding and probably with a real drummer this would be on a another level.
You may be a little too much of a modestmouse...

Thanks Adam been listening to your stuff and so far The Meteor is my fave of yours.