The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on August 23, 2019, 10:53:44 AM
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Here's a little number that @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) and myself knocked up. I sent Paul a backing track and he came back with a great set of lyrics, top line and a couple of extra guitar parts to add to what I had already done. It's short and to the point. Hope you enjoy it :)
Untangled the new-fangled
Web that you weave
You can't show me nothing
To make me believe
That chamber of horrors
You keep up your sleeve
You would cancel tomorrow
And not even grieve
Lies that no one believes
We're Governed by Oxygen Thieves
Next time there's somewhere to be
Next time there's something to see
I’m not gonna to save ya
So do me a favour
And don't bother looking at me
We've low expectations
For what we'll receive
Still, somehow you manage
to under achieve
Your default position
Is out to deceive
I've heard your excuses
I'm taking my leave
Lies that no one believes
We're Governed by Oxygen Thieves
Next time there's somewhere to be
Next time there's something to see
I won't even waver
So do me a favour
And don't bother looking at me
(c) Adamson / Bradley - 2019
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Wow, meaty guitars and the vox match them perfectly! The mix could be described as controlled chaos, preserving the energy while still sounding "good". Totally dig this, no nits from me, already on third listen, fab work guys!
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Whato @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) and @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - Now this is special, this is closest you've got to Elvis Costello, very very nice LVox, great gtrs, great productions, mystical lyrics, could be the Man himself, no Vicky nits from me either, can't add nuffink niver (as they say).
Those punk Gtrs are so tricky to get right, and they are spot on.
Another cracking piece from you guys. Loving it.
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Relentless in it's relentnicity guys...great lyrics from Paul, seemed a bit messy to my ears but maybe it's supposed to be like that :) a lot of frequency fighting goin on in the mid range which tended to swamp the vocal somewhat, :)
agree with CPM regarding Costello..
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Crackling stuff guys! Really good to hear something calling out the liars with such vim and vigour...and some degree of vinegar.
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The raw energy of 1979 is summoned up in this punky power pop mash up. A younger family member said recently that he thought an ex-friend was an oxygen thief, which was the first time I'd heard that, and I thought it sounded pretty brutal. But I like it in the context you have used it here, as it really pulls in the bile and bitterness of the theme.
I liked all that chaotic guitar layering, as well as the intro riff. The harmonies seemed effortless. Very punchy piece of work, great to see a dollop of no holds back vitriol.
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Crikey, bet you needed a lie down after giving birth to that. I knew it would be ace from the description and that fact it is you two. Really dig it, like everyone else, especially the way both of your voices sound right on the edge. Ferocious.
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Yo Paul and John.
A riotous orgy of guitar sound from start to finish,a fine protest song with a great 'live' feel.
You two sound like you are having a ball and it's infectious,carrying the listener along on a wave of angst!
Fulla rawkin' goodness. 8)
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I.JUST.LOVED.THIS!!!!
The lyrics are fantastic - I just love a cutting lyric. And this is realised so well - vocal, BVs and the whole shebang are kicking.. Such energy!!
That is all!
K
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Lyrics, music, and singing all work perfectly well together. Love the background ahhhs with the punk lead. Sounds really cool. You guys are on a roll.
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Here's a little number that @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) and myself knocked up. I sent Paul a backing track and he came back with a great set of lyrics, top line and a couple of extra guitar parts to add to what I had already done. It's short and to the point. Hope you enjoy it :)
Untangled the new-fangled
Web that you weave
You can't show me nothing
To make me believe
That chamber of horrors
You keep up your sleeve
You would cancel tomorrow
And not even grieve
Lies that no one believes
We're Governed by Oxygen Thieves
Next time there's somewhere to be
Next time there's something to see
I’m not gonna to save ya
So do me a favour
And don't bother looking at me
We've low expectations
For what we'll receive
Still, somehow you manage
to under achieve
Your default position
Is out to deceive
I've heard your excuses
I'm taking my leave
Lies that no one believes
We're Governed by Oxygen Thieves
Next time there's somewhere to be
Next time there's something to see
I won't even waver
So do me a favour
And don't bother looking at me
(c) Adamson / Bradley - 2019
Wow this would fit in to any classic punk Album. I was shaking my non existent hair.
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Wow this would fit in to any classic punk Album. I was shaking my non existent hair.
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My favorite kind of song. Good message, great performance. Inspiring. I want to connect with someone locally and write cool stuff like this. <<sigh>>
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The feel of this one is infectious and impossible to ignore, the enthusiasm is tangible. Love the subtle not-so-subtle lyrics, second verse in particular is perfection.
Agree a little with Kev that the "studio version" might want to have a little space carved out for the vocals but this one captures and conveys vitality and emotion - that's art, for sure.
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Guys,
Lyrics spot on. Lots of energy and great live performance suits it down to a tee.
The three sections all fit together really well with some nice key changes.
Two thoughts, there’s so much energy going on so that when you get to the chorus there’s no real lift. I wonder if some additional backing vocals singing the lead line would add something, and it’s a great title, which is used in the pre-chorus. Just wondered whether you could get it into at the ending somehow.
All in all great tune
:-) :-)
Neil
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Love it ! and if nothing else it highlights the importance of naming your track... Oxygen thieves .. I definitely had to give it a listen with a title as good as that. Standout lyrics but everything else is ace too.
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adrenlin city !
really cracking vocals love the attack and punch of those lyrics ..
really satisfying and on the nose.. like when all the bad guys get there come uppance in a movie
wonderful stuff
you two should be in the same band