The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Andyb on August 14, 2019, 12:01:03 PM
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A song about a failed relationship (how original) with an 80s inspired vibe and a really heavy ending. Again its pretty much a bass only affair.
https://soundcloud.com/user-214476590/the-end
Also now a basic lyric video if that is more your thing
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Nothing wrong with writing about a failed relationship mate...it's been done, is being done and will keep on being done...so no need to crit yourself..
enjoyed the song, a couple of things I would like to suggest, I think the verses are too long, they are very repetative and would benefit from being shorter, they're good..just too long :) the heavy end is also good but again too long, :)
I didnt think it sounded 80's, thought it sounded fairly up to date actually, Foo fighters kinda stuff.. :)
good work mate.. :) 8)
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Nothing wrong with writing about a failed relationship mate...it's been done, is being done and will keep on being done...so no need to crit yourself..
enjoyed the song, a couple of things I would like to suggest, I think the verses are too long, they are very repetative and would benefit from being shorter, they're good..just too long :) the heavy end is also good but again too long, :)
I didnt think it sounded 80's, thought it sounded fairly up to date actually, Foo fighters kinda stuff.. :)
good work mate.. :) 8)
appreciate the comments and agree to a point. We've spent so much time on this the last couple of days I'm not sure I'm strong enough to go back to the studio with it lol. I guess I could break up certainly the second double verse with a chorus but I kinda like the unusual arrangement where the verses taking centre stage and the chorus in a secondary position. And I'm glad you made it all the way to the end for the outro. In my head this was done with s view to playing live so I don't know if I would shorten it ... You never know though once I've lived with it for a bit.
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Hi
I like this bass driven electro pop/rock.
You'vegot ready good vocals - it reminds me a lot of Snow Patrol.
Dynamic, moody and catchy too. I didn't have a problem with the lengths of the verses, maybe two bars of the ending, but its not a long song.
Lots to like here.
:)
neil
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Hi
I like this bass driven electro pop/rock.
You'vegot ready good vocals - it reminds me a lot of Snow Patrol.
Dynamic, moody and catchy too. I didn't have a problem with the lengths of the verses, maybe two bars of the ending, but its not a long song.
Lots to like here.
:)
neil
thanks Neil, appreciated
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The title 'The End' was appropriate , but for a different reason for me, as that heavy ending really exploded the song into life with some power. Great guitar sound.
It's an interesting backing track you put together, reminding me of 80s simple electro pop to begin with, but then millennial Rock by the end, an unexpected mash up but one that I think works and that you could do more with.
Maybe that chorus could have been hookier? But overall you sold it to me, not least because of that ending! ...erm did I mention that?
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@Andyb (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20943) - Interesting start, that 808 snare seems a little high in the mix, nice gtr work. LVox are powerful and punch through well, although they obliterate everything else...maybe that's what you wanted, (I had the same issue with the heavy gtrs on Spitting Feathers - couldn't decide on the level 2 gtrs can take over, as they take up a lot of the space.
Anyway. nice to hear a different style, thanks man.
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I really love your stuff and this is another great song. Michael said the chorus could have been catchier, and y'know I think that's almost right. The melody is spot-on in my opinion, but if only there were some big & smooth backing vocals to bring that bit out, it could really have made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
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Your voice as usual is superb, full of character (agree with Neil about the Snow Patrol association... it might just be us hearing a Caledonian accent though... anyway it's a fine comparison and you sound awesome). I didn't think the verses were too long but did think you could maybe vary the vocal melody a little in the second half of them. By contrast I thought the ending was too short! That's when it really kicks in and takes no prisoners, I would have quite happily had that bashing around my ear drums for a bit longer. Plenty of dynamics in this track and well produced - your stuff always sounds like you have a pro studio set up behind you.
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I really love your stuff and this is another great song. Michael said the chorus could have been catchier, and y'know I think that's almost right. The melody is spot-on in my opinion, but if only there were some big & smooth backing vocals to bring that bit out, it could really have made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
I might look at bvs in the chorus I did have some but they didn't make the cut but definitely worth looking at again. This was a tough one for me to take the vocal up a step from the verse so I purposely down played them to give some sort of contrast
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Your voice as usual is superb, full of character (agree with Neil about the Snow Patrol association... it might just be us hearing a Caledonian accent though... anyway it's a fine comparison and you sound awesome). I didn't think the verses were too long but did think you could maybe vary the vocal melody a little in the second half of them. By contrast I thought the ending was too short! That's when it really kicks in and takes no prisoners, I would have quite happily had that bashing around my ear drums for a bit longer. Plenty of dynamics in this track and well produced - your stuff always sounds like you have a pro studio set up behind you.
interesting remark about the pro studio 😂😂 in reality it's an old second hand laptop that is really struggling with what I ask of it, a free daw, a second hand interface, a 20 watt practice guitar amp, a squier bass and a borrowed mic stuck in the corner of an untreated spare bedroom !
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love the drive in this.. really flys
good vocals to boot
punchy and that outro the knockout
i did think the intro maybe dates it
id like it to come straight in but..
terrific track andy
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Now added a lyric video for the track above
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Holy cow! Awesome stuff! Love, love. love that bass sound!
Good dynamics and I f***** love the break at 2.30!
Mix is great, only not would be the vox that I think could actually be backed off in the busier parts to put in "in" with the rest.
Other than that no nits for my, just enjoying it immensely.
Well don!
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The melody in verses is a little monotonous, but I think it works. It makes the chorus seem more powerful. The part where you belt it out that leads into the instrumental ending is great. I think you should add some background vocals to the chorus to oomph it up even more if you're going to rework it, but it's already really good.
Lynn
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Wow!! Loved this – really like the how the choruses and particularly that last chorus and ending brings you out of the atmospheric verses and kind of blows your head off a little ;).. I like the lyrics too – the left/right, up/down is clever.. The whole arrangement, playing and production was fantastic.. Agree with the Snow Patrol ref – well like them a little but with fresher material… Big thumbs up from me as usual!
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Love the rockin' ending - somehow reminded me of Linkin Park. Love the chorus.
I have to agree that the second verse would be better chopped before the "I'm not sure" around 1'45" - I really wanted another chorus by that stage.
Of course then you'd have the dilemma of a short two chorus blast or 3 choruses where you'd probably want more variation (BVs etc.)... hey ho.
Anyhow, everything sounding so good, will happily be listening again.
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Yo Andy...not sure how I missed this? ???
The vocals hark back to Del Amitri,a fav band of mine. Delicious bass playing and tone.
Chorus is as hooky as hell,man you make that bass earn it's corn!
Love the track almost as much as I hate YouTube! ;D
You have a very individual sound/style and it works a treat for me. Keep on keeping on Andy. 8)