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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Neil C on August 13, 2019, 08:44:58 AM
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Phew,
I'm tired just typing out the title. Hoping you're all having a great summer.
So it started with Katie's neat kitchen sink lyrics, which hooked me with the first line.
And I though it just needed a simple pop tune. I sent it over to her and she liked it but though it lacked a little something, so I worked on the harmonies and asked the very talented PJ if he could do his BV magic and voila here's the result.
Do let me know what you think and any suggestions.
:)
neil
I saw her in the kitchen, she was making tea
My new best friends sister, it was meant to be
She looked round and saw me, and gave me a smile
She could tell I liked her, it stood out a mile
She asked me if I took milk and sugar
So transfixed as I held on to the cooker
I saw her in the kitchen..
I couldn’t believe how pretty, I wanted to tell her
She was best. I want to be her fella
My new best friend said it was time to go
Looked him squarely in the eye and I said “no”
No, no no..
Middle
Needed a moment so that the flags could unfurl
I needed an excuse to stay close to this girl
She asked me if I took milk and sugar
So transfixed as I held on to the cooker
I saw her in the kitchen, she was making tea
My new best friends sister it was meant to be
She looked round and saw me and gave me a smile
I could tell that she liked me it stood out a mile
C Wilson/Connor 2019
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Very cool collab guy's... 8) I think could not believe how pretty would sing better than I couldn't believe how pretty
the song that has sort of American 50's feel, I think it's BV's bringing that feel on..and maybe the mouth organ, or both ;D
top work guy's 8) :)
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That was fun and definitely my style. :D
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This is a great collaboration. A real mix of all of your unmistakeable trade- mark signatures. love pompey's backing vocals and the musical backing is exquisite, set to the uncomplicated, no nonsense lyrics. This is instantly accessible/catchy. Well done to everyone involved. paul
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I love the cooker pic on the Soundcloud page. I am sure I used to have that model in my student flat so many years ago! But of course it suits this kitchen sink drama very well.
The song reminds me of narrative songs by the likes of Ian Dury or Squeeze in the late 70s, so very urban English, understated and beautifully wry.
Well the combination of vocals is a delight too, not least down to the mix which just melts the whole thing together. Just makes me smile this, top entertainment!
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Yo you three.
I hear the 50s thing too,for me it's John's sweet BVs which trigger that connotation!
I get a Joe Jackson vibe also 'Different for Girls'? Not a rip off,just influenced,I think that's still allowed! ;D
Katie's cool lyrics are everywhere,I've one I'm currently working on too!
The three of you work very well together. Love your guitar sound Neil,I know I always mention it,but well...you keep doing it! :D
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Great dynamics in this - nice highs and lows as the song progresses, especially the way the bvs come and go. Enjoyed the harmonica and some particularly sharp guits in the middle. Lyrics cool too although I think I’d love one more verse where it reaches a conclusion - either they get the girl, or get a slap etc, some kind of pay off? The sugar/cooker couplet is a joy though... Alan Bennett in its Englishness (Mrs Pauly overheard the lines about tea just now and said it should be our national anthem).
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Shadowfax - thanks yes " I couldn't believe how pretty" that how I sing it live. Delighted you liked it.
CaliaMoko - 'fun' is very good
Wicked Deeds - thanks for the feedback - yes I think all the bits added up to a whole
MichaelA - thanks loving the so very urban English, understated and beautifully wry comment
Skub - yes John BV's were the icing. And yes the simplicity of Joe Jackson and the guitar- all down to my lovely https://www.kemper-amps.com/products/profiler/line-up (https://www.kemper-amps.com/products/profiler/line-up) toaster thingy
PaulyX - you've a very wise Mrs Pauly there, of course it should be a national anthem :-). Lyrics - Katie left us wanting more.... liking the ambiguity
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Great to be invited to participate on this song. It got me hooked straight away. I love the kitchen sing lyrics and Neil's vocal delivery and Joe Jacksonesque guitar
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Lots of lovely stuff going on in here. Great layering of sounds.
Masterful instrumentation, Neil...you do this sort of thing so well.
Great to see Katie and PJ getting involved too.
Very enjoyable...and sounds like you had a lot of fun doing it.
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Really sweet love song. Reminds me of J. Geils Band for some reason. Perfect music for Katie's awesome lyrics. Well sung both of you.
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This is very well put together. Lyrics are great - I can see why they grabbed you and I think you've done a great job with them, style suits them perfectly.. Instrumentation / arrangement is great and gotta love those "Aaahs.." Fab!
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Three way collab? Cool! Really nice vibe to this incl the patented Connor guitars. Mix sound really good, great lyrics and a solid song. My only nit would be the BVs that (too my ears) sound a bit off pitch at one or two occations. Or it may be spot on but the harmonies a bit odd to my ears? Disclaimer: I have been wrong before :-)
Overall a very enjoyable listen, well done all of you
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@Girlinside (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22372) Katie, check out the great reviews, hope you’re liking the final version.
:-)
Neil
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Thanks Neil I love it and thanks everyone who helped xx
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PompeyJazz, thanks I think the kitchen sink lyrics required a Joe Jacksonesque guitar and tune
PaulAds, 'Lots of lovely stuff going on in here' thanks it was a bit of fun doing it
rerhodie, J Giels band - had to look up their hits - Centerfold" and "Freeze Frame. will have a listen.
monnoDB, a PJ's 'Aaah' and BV's were the icing on the cake :-)
jambrains, I didn't release I had copywriter thingy of my guitars, that cool! If there's some flatness its probably me..
Girlsinside, Katie thanks for starting this whole thing off. You've had great feedback on the,
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"Sugar" and "cooker" is too good!
The "flags unfurling" part was pretty thought provoking - is this urban slang for what I think it is or is that my one-track mind?
Great harmonica and swinging vibe, and PJ's BVs for character.
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Really enjoyed this fun Collab. Has a feel good vibe. Harmonies are top notch. Hope to hear more of you guys together.