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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: cowparsleyman on July 27, 2019, 07:00:39 PM

Title: Spitting Feathers
Post by: cowparsleyman on July 27, 2019, 07:00:39 PM
This song is part of the Genre Jumping suite, this is Indy Rock.

A brief look into the life of a couple, madly in love then things go awry.

They live in a cool Brooklyn warehouse apartment, she is a Korean prodigy dancer and He's a struggling composer from Boston and She always promises to look for work as a dancer but never does.

He stands his 1962 sunburst finish Stratocaster against the bed, and She throws her dirty towels over it, She cooks dinner but he is always late to the table, the Summer is way too hot, the days are far too long, the noise from the street never stops...

The final argument is about her eating a chicken kebab, she has lots of fat around her mouth, she couldn't be bothered to wipe it away...somethings have to end.

Hope you like it, again it's all new to me....Any comment/advice/ideas are always welcome.

One note: I wanted the sound of a blazing row as an fx at the end, put one in but just didn't do it for me...

Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: CaliaMoko on July 27, 2019, 08:21:50 PM
I have no nits with the lyric. The melody line suits it well, I think. I can't judge mixing and production, so someone else will have to do that. As always, I really like your sound. That's all I have.
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: PaulyX on July 28, 2019, 08:32:33 AM
Hi CPM, wow you've really thought through the backstory for this one. Its my kind of genre so I found lots to like here, particularly the guitar lines that punctuate things after the choruses. Nice octave jumping in the vocals too. The M8 was intriguing too... almost bust through the genre wall and went slap- bass funky. Cool laid back track.
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: Paulski on July 29, 2019, 02:22:09 AM
Hi CPM - what a great song - super hooky - great lyrics.
As Mueller would say. I don't see why anyone would not like this.  ;D
Vocals spot on. Guitar work fits like a glove and a bass solo! played by Stanley Clarke no less!
Impressed!
Paul
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: cowparsleyman on July 29, 2019, 08:30:28 AM
Thanks to everyone that took the time to listen.

@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - I'm always chuffed Vicky when you review my work, You were one of the first to review when I joined, and I never forgot that (along with Pompeyjazz and Purple cherry) I'm always relieved when you find 'no nits' one knows how tricky they can be to deal with...

@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) - Cheers Paul - it was another song that came to me in bed on a Sunday morning (I've had quite a few - 'She shook me cold' was another that comes to mind). The Vocal 8va's had to wait a bit as I've had an awful chest infection since the beginning of June, the guide vocal was like this, but since then I've not been able to hit the highest of notes, so I actually recorded the lead vocal all in the lower register, but cowparsleydaughter didn't buy it, she said it has to be the 8va, so I tried a couple of days ago and I think I got away with it...(btw I did think of getting the 8va's done by a Korean female singer, to bring the story some context, but I thought would sound a bit 'Renee and Renate -ish' way too cheesey)

With the bass solo...hmm I just wanted to try something that brought a bit of contrast to the piece, since there was not real M8. From Clarke to Clapton - I just love the sound of Clapton's guitar, and he doesn't fill the air with notes, all the best solos are singable, Bohemian Rhapsody for example - the whole stadium can sing it - Beat it - no chance, people love it but can't sing it; for listener engagement simple is better. (wasn't sure about the end of the solo, a little tricky to sing, but I didn't want a corny whole tone scale, so I mixed it up a bit - diminished plus chromatic etc.

Glad you found it cool.

@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) - Your too kind man, Who is Mueller? I do like my fun with artist names, it's just a thing I have, I'm not trying to be like them it's really me saying, this guy is my influence for it, I can't play like them...one can dream. The Vocals are a little off, but I decided to keep 'em as they are a little edgey, like the song...

I'll be honest but I wouldn't have put you down as someone that would like this sort of thing, your songs are more Country based (and all brilliant - love the burger one and the il0v3U) so I'm particularly pleased that you dig.

I do put quite a bit of effort into the hooks in my work, both musically and lyrically, I listen to a lot of other peoples work (not just well known artists), look at what other songs have that makes them hooky, it's a very interesting study and very revealing, Bowie was a master of the hook.

Anyway, thanks again for listening and commenting.




Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: Andyb on July 29, 2019, 04:28:27 PM
cool back story - alarmingly detailed !
My favourite bit is the guitars coming in around 0.57 secs and gain at 2.06 and a groovy bass solo flung in for good measure - very very cool
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: rightly on July 30, 2019, 02:24:45 PM
yes
super charming song and very well executed.
your productions are always a marvel
keep rocking'!
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: lillypilly on August 03, 2019, 02:56:54 AM
I feel there is a tiny bit of David Bowie vibe here and why not he was brilliant, the whole piece is a tight package and I like it very much
cheers
Lilly
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: adamfarr on August 06, 2019, 05:56:41 PM
Hey CPM - great atmosphere here, love the guitar riffage, that bass solo, and the lower register vocal in particular. I think I'd have a definite ending (door slam?) rather than the rim shots but that's a teeny thing. Really entertaining story - I can't unsee the chicken fat now...
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: RealKevM on August 07, 2019, 09:28:20 PM
HI mate, really like this, the key change and chorus is great remind me of Pulp.
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: t.wretborn on August 08, 2019, 08:18:50 AM
Hi!
I think this was sweet! It felt stripped down but complex at the same time.
Great bowie style singing and fun with a bass solo :D
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: pompeyjazz on August 08, 2019, 05:48:24 PM
Great little introduction to the atmosphere of this song CPM. Love the sleazy vibe, great when the heavier guitars kick in and you've been clever using a lot of light and shade. An excellent listen  :)
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: MichaelA on August 10, 2019, 07:50:52 AM
Hi CPM, I am intrigued to learn if you made up all that detailed back story before you got into the writing. It's almost as if you created characters in a novel and then wrote them a soundtrack!

There's some catchy elements to this with the melodic refrains and cool riffing, definitely encourages you to hit the replay button. I like the guitar bit that's almost a chorus in itself.

The first bit of the mid8 was a good contrast, but maybe disrupted the commercial flow of the song a little too much for me. That said, overall it's a really well put together song, very well played, sung and produced.
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 10, 2019, 11:22:50 AM
Wow, thanks for all your listens, quite taken aback by your comments, very much appreciated.

@Andyb (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20943) - Alarmingly detailed...Yeah, I have a very, very clear image in my mind when I'm writing, it makes it so much easier, don't know why but it's always there. Glad you like the wide heavy gtrs...bass solo, I just dig messing about with ideas, and straying off the road of what you expect....

@rightly - Thanks for your kind words, glad you dig my production...Will you be releasing anything soon, I miss your songs man, I love your style.

@lillypilly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19725) - Thanks Lilly for your kind words, Hmm I was just mucking about with my vocal sound, I tried it on SuperFunk77, and thought maybe this works and I can get away with this, it was definately not supposed to sound like Bowie...he is one on my heroes (no pun intended), saw him a couple of times, his ability to entertain and write superhooks was incredible. Btw one of the hookiset drum fills ever was in heroes at live aid, just after he stops and Thomas Dolby fills in with the synth lulling one into a sense of calm, then Neil Conti bangs out that beautiful triplet based fill, always stuck in my mind as a masterpiece.

@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - BINGO Adam, you nailed it, your idea of the door slam is spot on, I'm going to use it, I really struggled with the ending, thanks very much for that, I'm forever in your debt.  Glad you liked it, that's just what i was after, visual imagery with the chicken fat, it's just another way to try and keep the song in a lsiteners focus, along with the music hooks...

@RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) - Pulp...never thought of that, certainly was not intended...thanks Kev

@t.wretborn (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22159) - Bowie again - hmmm must remember how I sang it...I remember having the imagery in my mind when I was tracking the Vocals...did help a lot.

@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - That's nice of you to say John - light and dark - I guess that's what I was after...and a servings of ooomph.

@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - Thanks very much - The backstory came to me on a Sunday morning, as so often happens these days, the detail came as I was writing the lyrics, I'm forutnate that everything seems to come to me in one go, chords, lyrics and melody line, when I sit with my Tele, my pencil and a head full of inspiration.

The guitar section after the bass solo was an attempt to capture Clapton's brilliant yet simple sound & style (nothing to complicated, but the sound, oh the sound), I was never a big fan of Him, I always seemed to like his lines, I especially liked the fill after the solo on Ed Sheeans 'Dive' he used the nom de plume Angelo Mysterioso - so I borrowed that in the credits....(also check out 'And so is love' by Kate bush where he was wheeled in to provide fills - so, so brilliant work, he provides enough to remember yet does not detract from kates singing)

btw I used to paint in oils, I could only paint if my head was full of inspiration, in very much the same way.

Bye for now.








Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: Andreas on August 10, 2019, 08:59:46 PM
The guitar and drums sit so amazingly well in this one! The lyrics are fantastic, and it is well performed :) At first, the start reminded of a song I have heard before, but I don't know which song :p

Well done on this! :)

Cheers
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 13, 2019, 09:30:19 AM
@Younger Hills (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) - Thanks very much for your comments, really appreciate the comment about lyrics, I was also very pleased with the drum sound, this was done by using the ACME Opto XLA3 compressor (from plugin alliance) over the drum buss, it's just perfect for huge drums.

if you remember which song I'd like to know.

Thanks again
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: Skub on August 14, 2019, 03:32:28 PM
Yo CPM.

This track has a fine 70s feel,love the whole sound,but especially the guitars. Right up my street!

If comparisons are your thing,I hear Godley and Creme (10cc) They always wrote very clever/hooky pop songs and for me this is on a par.

Very enjoyable listen.  8)
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: Neil C on August 14, 2019, 06:09:12 PM
Liking the funky pop rock style. Catchy with the bass and drums.
Then you get the doubled vocals and then the guitars Killers bit :-)

Just thought the verse vocals could be a bit higher in the mix. And not a big fan of bass solo's - nowt wrong with what your playing - but the guitar solo was cool.
And maybe you could put a great singalong chorus or oohs over the Killer guitar bits and repeat them more as they are the music hook
 :)
neil   
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 15, 2019, 08:07:39 PM
Thanks for the listen and the critiques, I always respected you 2 for your work and your production, so I'm chuffed to bits to have both of you listen to it...

@skub  - Cheers my man, funny I thought I wanted to do something Muse'y (It had the working title of Museq after one of my EQ's) Cowparsleydaughter and I often played 'Time is running out' (she can play that tricky drum section where I can't) when we had a moment, so I kind of borrowed the idea of quietish, then building then noisey, the bass solo just emerged one day,  and the Clapton-esque solo, well youre an axeman - one can't resist it sometimes, CPD gets bored - she says h no - not another '80's gtr solo - how predictable, it's in our blood, you understand, I know you do...

Really appreciate the Godley & Creme comparison - I'm certainly not worthy of that, all of 10cc were blinkin pioneers, so so talented.

Glad you liked it Davy.

@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) - Thanks for the listen - I'm afraid I don't know any Killers stuff - I'm pretty naieve when it comes to anything after 1990...I understand about the bass solo thing, it's not everyones bag, just felt sort of right to me...although it could work without it.

I do have a super hooky BVox and HVox line for the 'Killers' gtr part, but I resisted using it, since less is more.

As you know  Neil these genres are new to me the whole point of the 'Genre Jumping' crusade is to improve my production, and boy it's pretty difficult sometimes...anyway glad you liked it.

 
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: Bankie on August 15, 2019, 09:06:17 PM
I really like the arrangement and it's an excellent song. Focusing on the one negative (sorry) I'm surprised no one has mentioned the mix - I feel the vocals are too loud and up front. If they were a bit wetter and pushed back a bit, I think I would have been able to enjoy all the instrumentation a bit more.

It was great apart from that though. Vocals are probably the hardest to nail so it's not a major criticism; just trying to be constructive.
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: redrhodie on August 21, 2019, 01:26:20 PM
Hey cpm,

Cool song, but since you were compelled to tell their story in your post, I was looking for more of that story in the song than I got. It's a good song, but if your goal was to tell that story, I think there could be more conflict reflected in the music, which I found to be kind of mellow and groovy. The guitar solos are too safe for a guy who is angry and about to leave. The bass, too. I really loved the story, though.

Lynn






Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: MonnoDB on August 22, 2019, 08:08:02 PM
Great backstory !! Cool bass solo! All well played (those hooks are, well, very hooky!) – really love this sound you’ve created.. lyrics great, sound and style right up my street.. All positive for me!
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 27, 2019, 08:16:23 AM
Thanks again to everyone for taking the time to listen...

@Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332) - I see your point about the LVox, I intentionally wanted them right up front (It was a 3 dimensional struggle between LVox, that clean gtr and the drum buss - you know the sort of thing , a dB her, another one off there - take off the solo, then a here - like old macdonalds farm!) and pretty dry, as if they were narrated rather than sung, to put more emphasis on the meaning than the melody, I agree they could go back abit in the mix, so I remixed it and brought the LVox down by 2dB , and it makes a difference, not sure I like it though, I'll pop @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) 's suggestion for the door slam at the end (I've got one take of it , but I'm not happy with that either), when I'm able to get back to my music I'll post the remixed version here. Really appreciate the constructive crit.

@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) - Hi Lynn, Yeah, I see what you mean, I guess my idea of painting the conflict were the heavy mesa boogie driven guitars...but your'e right, I will do a another mix with some pretty hairy guitars on it, I might even put it out to the forum, anyone fancy a go? needs to be edgy almost Zappa-ish - maybe @David Christy Jones (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21130)? or one of @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - sax solos? Glad you liked the story...I think of it like going to the Tate or the National Gallery, a painting comes alive when you read the blurb. I imagined the bloke to be mellow and groovy, but not the bird, she was sexy but feisty and knew how to take of advantage of blokes using both.

@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - Hi Karen - I have to ask where did MonnodB come from? such a cool name - glad you dig, I'm not really sure what the style is but thanks anyway, you know me I just play from the heart.

btw it's being released as a single on 1st Sept in all the usual places...


Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: Wicked Deeds on August 27, 2019, 08:27:33 PM
I loved the  supporting story and as soon as the song kicked in, I immediately loved it too.  It is very cool song and it sounds so good!  quality music.  It has everything that I want to hear in a song and production! One of my favourite songs that I have heard on the forum.

Paul
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: David Christy Jones on August 28, 2019, 01:50:01 AM
Thanks again to everyone for taking the time to listen...

@Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332) - I see your point about the LVox, I intentionally wanted them right up front (It was a 3 dimensional struggle between LVox, that clean gtr and the drum buss - you know the sort of thing , a dB her, another one off there - take off the solo, then a here - like old macdonalds farm!) and pretty dry, as if they were narrated rather than sung, to put more emphasis on the meaning than the melody, I agree they could go back abit in the mix, so I remixed it and brought the LVox down by 2dB , and it makes a difference, not sure I like it though, I'll pop @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) 's suggestion for the door slam at the end (I've got one take of it , but I'm not happy with that either), when I'm able to get back to my music I'll post the remixed version here. Really appreciate the constructive crit.

@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) - Hi Lynn, Yeah, I see what you mean, I guess my idea of painting the conflict were the heavy mesa boogie driven guitars...but your'e right, I will do a another mix with some pretty hairy guitars on it, I might even put it out to the forum, anyone fancy a go? needs to be edgy almost Zappa-ish - maybe @David Christy Jones (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21130)? or one of @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - sax solos? Glad you liked the story...I think of it like going to the Tate or the National Gallery, a painting comes alive when you read the blurb. I imagined the bloke to be mellow and groovy, but not the bird, she was sexy but feisty and knew how to take of advantage of blokes using both.

@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - Hi Karen - I have to ask where did MonnodB come from? such a cool name - glad you dig, I'm not really sure what the style is but thanks anyway, you know me I just play from the heart.

btw it's being released as a single on 1st Sept in all the usual places...




I'd be all up for giving it a bash. Finally got a working computer again :P
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 28, 2019, 12:13:37 PM
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) - Blimey, thanks Paul, that's really kind of you, glad you liked it, means a lot to me, funny how something just hits you you, others are near misses and some fly straight past.

For me my favourite songs on this forum are:

"Underfelt" by Nooms and NeilC
"In Control and Liberated" PnB
"I can change" by Jambrains
"In love with misery" by Bankie
"My Hamster" by David Christy Jones

To be compared in the same universe as them has made my year. Honestly.

Thanks again.





Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: MonnoDB on August 28, 2019, 07:22:08 PM
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) not very interesting at all - combination of my childhood nickname (derived from my surname - a Dublin tradition of appending ‘o’ to part of your name, inherited from my older brother, also a ‘Monno’ :-)) and the initials of a ‘band’ I was in, more a bunch of friends who occasionally recorded together a few times. Actually it was said bunch who challenged me to write a song (I was sure I couldn’t!) and I haven’t stopped since...

Now Cowparselyman has surely a better origin?!?!

K
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on August 29, 2019, 07:35:36 PM
I could listen to this all day. My favorite of yours so far. Like others i can hear the Bowie comparison which is a great compliment in anyone's book. Love the laid back style and your voice is of the  top notch rawness i love in music. Working my way through your back catalogue and very impressed and inspired. Keep up the great work.
Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: cowparsleyman on August 30, 2019, 09:15:14 AM
@Modestmouse1965/ (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22459) -  Thanks for the very kind words, the 'Top notch rawness' was helped by an awful chest infection, which is still there, (must get back singing while it lasts!) I had to sing very close to the mic to get any noise out....so glad you dig my work, that's all I ever wanted, for folk to say 'yeah that's nice' certainly was never to earn anything from it.

MonnodB - As for cpm...That came about when Hannah, my daughter was about 5, I was into Triathlons then and I wanted to buy a new wetsuit, so we went to a posh Tri shop in Nottingham, where there were a lot of super fit, athletes all mingling and swapping tales, I just talked to one bloke who just came back from doing the Rio ironman...then I went to try on the wetsuit (Hannah came with me), the fitting rooms were in the middle of the shop, with a rather flimsy looking curtain, you know the ones, that you have to keep looking to see if it's fully across...Anyway I had just my knickers on when Hannah pulled back the curtain, and shouted at the top her voice to all and sundry "He's not an Ironman, he's a cowparsleyman".









Title: Re: Spitting Feathers
Post by: irwin on August 31, 2019, 04:12:34 PM
Hi, Love your productions nice lyric too, you sure have my respect with this song. Interesting to know how many good writers are on this forum and to me you stand out. keep this up and you be going all the way up my friend. Good luck