The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Paulski on July 18, 2019, 03:09:19 AM
-
Still buffing this one up but thought I'd get some early feedback if you would be so kind. ;D
https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/il0v3u
IL0v3U
My heart is wary and weary and worn
It rarely appears on my sleeve anymore
'Cause I found a way I can shield it from harm
It's password protected and it works like a charm
It's not easy to guess it though many have tried
They all get this message "ACCESS DENIED!"
But I want you to enter so I'll give you a clue
The password is "IL0v3U"
IL0v3U
The password is "IL0v3U"
From the moment I met you I soon realized
That you hold the key to the rest of my life
But if you feel the same I won't know that it's true
Until you say "IL0v3U"
IL0v3U
This password will see you through
IL0v3U
The password is "IL0v3U"
Now, a password is stronger with letters and numbers
But if I made it longer, you might get it wrong girl
Don't get it wrong girl!
So before you have entered my heart will be blue..
The password is "IL0v3U"
-
You come up with such creative ideas! This is awesome! I have no nits. You're always so clever with your words.
Well, okay, one possible nit. I might leave out the word "that" in the line "But if you feel the same I won't know that it's true". And maybe in the line "That you hold the key to the rest of my life". I might. Maybe. And maybe not. So there you are...basically no nits.
:D
-
You never cease to amaze...such clever lyrics..great song.
-
Ha!
Super clever lyrics Paul. It's a happy little number,massively contagious and smile inducing.
A genuine pleasure,however you decide to 'further' the piece,it's a good 'un.
-
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) - Really like this Paul,beautifully produced, very accurately played and generally a wonder piece of music.
Clever lyric, as Vicky would say no nits, I especially liked the way you were not tempted to add too many instruments/Vocal, that little cluster of vocals at the end was just lovely.
In my book that's July's SOTM.
-
This is quite delightful love song, Paul :) Made me feel all fuzzy and happy, because it's so sweet. Not enough sweetness in the world these days :-*
the lyrics are very clever with the password thing being such a huge part of most peoples everyday lives ;) Lovely vocals as always and I like the
simple 1+1 production :) beautifully written :)
-
Hi,
It's a very beautiful ballad, the lyrics are beautiful with a lot of freshness. The minimalist acoustic guitar accompaniment works very well. I also like the voice, it's a beautiful interpretation and a beautiful timbre.
Nice song, actually!
IS
-
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - thanks Vicky. Yeah I use "that" too much as a filler. I'll look at "that" ;D
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) - cheers Kev though I don't deserve such praise ;D
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) - appreciate that Davey. Smile away ;D
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) - cheers for the generous comments - not putting too much in is more laziness than good taste, but I'm glad it still worked for you ;D
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) - cheers Suzy - means a lot coming from a Canuck (now I'm going to be accused of playing favourites ;D)
@Inanité_sonore (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22286) - thank you kind sonore!
I'm glad no-one mentioned the weird chord choice at the start of the bridge - never played a G# major in the key of D before. Makes me think I may have gotten away with it ;D
-
This is, as much as it is really clever, a really beautiful ballad. I enjoyed every second of this one @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) :) And you have a really good voice, that fits the song very well!
-
I agree with YoungerHills - Your voice is perfect for the songs you write Paul, a breath of fresh Maple Syrup.
-
This one is so charming @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241), with those very smart and touching lyrics being its highlight.
Totally entertaining, delivered in your own inimtable style. Bravo! :)
-
Hey @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241),
This song just makes me want to drink some hot chocolate while I sit around the fire.
"Now, a password is stronger with letters and numbers
But if I made it longer, you might get it wrong girl"
I think this line is just right in the sweet spot of cheesy/corny (in a good way ;)) and poetic. Hope to see more of your work!
-
@Younger Hills (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) cheers guys for the vocal comments. Maple syrup - yep as Canadian as, well maple syrup! ;D
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - thanks Michael. No-one would want to imitate my style ;D ;D
@HappyDays (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22462) - yep I flirt with cheezy all the time - glad it worked for you - thanks for commenting ;D ;D
Thanks to all who took the time - I know you're busy!
Paul
-
Hi Paul,
Clever lyrics very well delivered.
I kept thinking C3-PO when you were singing the chorus. Damn Star Wars for stealing my soul at such a tender age. :)
Acoustic playing is really good - guitar sounds sweet.
Digger
-
@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) - thanks digger. Yeah 3CPO does come to mind albeit not a very romantic little bugger :D cheers for the guitar comment - I'm still learning that ;D
-
Paul,
Classic tune and inventive modern lyrics.
Liking the simple backdrop - feels like a lost standard.
Nothing to mention at all
:)
neil
-
Hey Paul,
This is smart and melodic. Wonderfully crafted songwriting. A delight to listen to!
Paul
-
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) , @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) - thank you kind gentlemen. Cheers for listening - I appreciate the feedback means a lot coming from your talented selves ;D
-
So clever – you’re so good at creative, clever lyrics @paulski . Touching, sweet song– which is not easy (for me at least) to do without being cheesy… Gotta love a 1+1 - especially when this well performed..
-
The title put me off a little as I really didn't know how it was going to work, and I do slightly wonder if the penny would drop if I was hearing this without the lyrics (gulp!).
Having said all that, I really did enjoy it, everything in its place and beautifully delivered. First verse was my particular fave.
Very clever and fun.