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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: crystalsuzy on July 11, 2019, 12:24:20 PM

Title: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on July 11, 2019, 12:24:20 PM
Hi Guys,
Sorry I haven't been around for a bit, but my real life took over in some good, and some not so good ways  ::) but things have settled
down a bit for now.
Here's a song I've been working on for a while, but I'm not sure if it's working or not. I'm kind of deafened to it now, so any comments would be
much appreciated. If you listened to my song 'Jody Wilson Raybould' you might recognize the chorus in this, cause that song ended with it...but
I always wanted to use it again as a chorus :D  It has no bass and I'm wondering if it needs one, and if so, would anyone like to try adding one?
I will get to listening to this months songs shortly. :)

https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/the-boiling-point

Polidicks are playing politricks in our fragile world
Hand in hand with the ultra rich in their bubble world
Sociopaths and narcissists, playing chicken games
Fighting amongst them selves, as the planet burns
The boiling point is near….

Hypocrites get their power fix by instilling fear
The worlds in tatters it’s obvious, it’s crystal clear
Cruel Dictators, refugees flee inequality 
Anger and despair, revolution everywhere
The boiling point is near … 

You are our heads of state, bickering about your mistakes
Is this how we want to live and teach our children
You are the leaders of, our country and the world
You gotta wake up, we need our hero’s now?

Children, today we’re going to learn to code!
It’s important for a prosperous future!
Teacher, after that could we learn how to survive in
A civilization threatened by ecosystem collapse,
Rising sea levels, and the resulting geo-political turmoil,
Armed conflict and increasing polarization of ideological
Orientations, and humanities seemingly insatiable appetite
For stuff?
After all, this is our future, not just some coded algorithm!
We’re drowning in information, while starving for wisdom!
Where are the Gandhi’s and the Dali Lamas?
We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking
That we used when we created them. We need to build new
Models that make the old models obsolete.
Hay, maybe we’re the hero’s of tomorrow

One million species face extinction in our fragile world
Environmental disasters all over the world
A total breakdown is coming soon we need a drastic overhaul
The systems melting down, can’t you feel the heat?
The boiling point is near…
 
You are our heads of state, bickering about your mistakes
Is this how we want to live and teach our children
You are the leaders of, our country and the world
You gotta wake up, we need our hero’s now?

1st half of children's lyrics by Nitrozac & Snaggy  :)
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: CaliaMoko on July 11, 2019, 03:07:46 PM
I like your topic. I recently read about the prediction we'd be losing a million species at an unprecedented rate and we have, if I remember right, about 12 years to do something about it.

In my opinion, this song has a strong unstable theme which is well supported with the uneven line lengths and numbers of lines. And, in many places with imperfect rhyme patterns. There are a couple places where you have perfect rhymes (like fear / clear), and I think that works well to inject a ray of optimism or hope into the theme.

In two places you have "world" rhyming with itself. I don't know if this is intentional for emphasis? This is just me, but I personally would prefer to use an imperfect rhyme here to support the unstable ideas in the lines...for instance, "politricks" (awesome word, by the way!) hurting the world. One way to emphasize the point without using the same word twice would be to use a synonym. "Earth" is a good near rhyme for "world", supports the unstable theme, AND provides repetition of the object: world/earth. You could say something like "...on our fragile earth". Maybe. Just my thoughts, feel free to do or not do whatever you wish with them. I enjoyed the listen. :)

Vicki
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: RealKevM on July 12, 2019, 09:23:02 PM
Very heavy lyrics, makes a change to hear a song with some depth. Good work.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: shadowfax on July 14, 2019, 08:52:02 AM
Another complex piece of brilliance! 8) heavy duty lyrics wrapped in beautiful harmonies..yeah, it needs a bass in there..
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: MichaelA on July 14, 2019, 01:38:25 PM
Another mini rock-opera in one song @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947). Poignant subject, although I thought your vocal performance on this was very sweet and clear.

Thought the mid section with the child was pretty funny!

Its  so you this song and nobody I know of is writing quite like this. Thought provoking and entertaining. Great stuff! :)
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: redrhodie on July 14, 2019, 08:19:15 PM
Brilliant. Otherworldly and futuristic, but the future is now, isn't it? Pretty scary. Beautiful to listen to, too. Liked it very much.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Dom Hunt on July 15, 2019, 10:19:57 PM
Wow, This is pretty nice, Never heard anything quite like it, complex and thoughtful. Well Done!
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on July 16, 2019, 02:19:30 AM
I like your topic. I recently read about the prediction we'd be losing a million species at an unprecedented rate and we have, if I remember right, about 12 years to do something about it.

In my opinion, this song has a strong unstable theme which is well supported with the uneven line lengths and numbers of lines. And, in many places with imperfect rhyme patterns. There are a couple places where you have perfect rhymes (like fear / clear), and I think that works well to inject a ray of optimism or hope into the theme.

In two places you have "world" rhyming with itself. I don't know if this is intentional for emphasis? This is just me, but I personally would prefer to use an imperfect rhyme here to support the unstable ideas in the lines...for instance, "politricks" (awesome word, by the way!) hurting the world. One way to emphasize the point without using the same word twice would be to use a synonym. "Earth" is a good near rhyme for "world", supports the unstable theme, AND provides repetition of the object: world/earth. You could say something like "...on our fragile earth". Maybe. Just my thoughts, feel free to do or not do whatever you wish with them. I enjoyed the listen. :)

Vicki


thanks so much for your thoughtful comments Vicki. I like the "strong unstable theme". I was wondering how the double "worlds" would go over. I did do it purposely, but also wasn't sure about it. I thought of using earth in the first line, and might change it to that yet.
I also thought of using the following lines in the 3rd verse:
 
"One million species face extinction in unstable times
Environmental disasters are such a crime"

What do you, or anyone else think?
I'm glad you liked the song.
 
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: shadowfax on July 16, 2019, 07:59:30 AM
A question I have regarding the current Global warming thing is, given that we know the Earth warmed up and melted a lot of the ice around 14,000 years ago, ( when we were not there with our carbon emissions ) how do we know that the warming that is apparent now is our fault?

A question nobody seems to ask during TV discussions...
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: cowparsleyman on July 16, 2019, 12:48:00 PM
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) - Hi Suze - great work, You have a style right of your own, that's so cool, such a lot of work in here, can''t think of anything to say production wise, just very clever stuff you do.

The way us Humans ravage our planet is pretty careless, but I'm as culpable as anyone else, I buy milk in plastic bottles, my car has petrol, I fly on kerosene powered planes, I buy a bed made in Vietnam, is it directly as a result of these things that Butterflies face extinction? or is it the same thing as someone who is comfortably off, not thinking too much on how wisely they spend their money, until one day it's all gone, then the focus sharpens...that is, there were lots of Rhinos once, now there ain't, so now some of us are concerned, some aren't.






Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: digger72 on July 21, 2019, 12:37:27 PM
Hi Suzy,

I like the 60s Summer of Love vibe this has in places.
Seems fitting with the lyrical content.
The breakdown adds a nice depth and contrast.

Thought provoking and well executed piece.

Digger
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on July 26, 2019, 12:12:38 PM
Very heavy lyrics, makes a change to hear a song with some depth. Good work.
thanks RKM. I know the subject is pretty heavy but I feel like I need to write something like this once in a while. I usually go for fun and uplifting, but lately I think I've been writing more serious stuff. Must be my mood.

Another complex piece of brilliance! 8) heavy duty lyrics wrapped in beautiful harmonies..yeah, it needs a bass in there..
You are too kind Kevin. I think you're right. A bass would sound great. Do you play bass, and would you consider adding one?
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: CaliaMoko on July 26, 2019, 03:39:54 PM
...I also thought of using the following lines in the 3rd verse:
 
"One million species face extinction in unstable times
Environmental disasters are such a crime"

What do you, or anyone else think?...

I think those two lines would be stronger with fewer words. Like:

One million species face extinction
But no one seems to have jurisdiction


Just an idea....
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Skub on July 26, 2019, 08:06:05 PM
Yo CS.

This one is very memorable,it gets it's hooks in right from the opening bars.

I love the way you work with your vocal harmonies,very you and very cool.  8)
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on August 07, 2019, 12:40:52 AM
Another mini rock-opera in one song @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947). Poignant subject, although I thought your vocal performance on this was very sweet and clear.

Thought the mid section with the child was pretty funny!

Its  so you this song and nobody I know of is writing quite like this. Thought provoking and entertaining. Great stuff! :)

thanks @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)  I wouldn't have pegged this one as a mini rock opera, but guess you're right. Maybe I should put out an album of min-rock operas :) thanks for the kudos on the originality of my stuff...I really don't word at that at all.
I'm curious as to what you found funny about the child speaking? Was it just the way I did voice, or was it what she was saying? :)
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: MichaelA on August 07, 2019, 02:39:41 PM

I'm curious as to what you found funny about the child speaking? Was it just the way I did voice, or was it what she was saying? :)

Hi @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947), well the teacher comes along addressing the innocent child - and of course the kid turns out to be full of complex vocabulary and mature socio-political opinions, and that made me smile!  ;D

Well done! All the best - M
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Inanité_sonore on August 07, 2019, 09:06:34 PM
Hi,
It's a very touching song and I like your sweet and fair voice. You feel that this subject is close to your heart. I really like the part where the voices speak, it's bold but it works. It may be a little long in my opinion and the recovery surprised me a little bit. I like the sound of the drums a little less. Apart from these details, it's a very good piece for me, it's very personal.

IS
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on August 10, 2019, 12:35:22 PM
Brilliant. Otherworldly and futuristic, but the future is now, isn't it? Pretty scary. Beautiful to listen to, too. Liked it very much.

thank you so much Lynn. All this stuff about climate change and all the other tumultuous stuff that's going on in the world right now, does seem otherworldly and somehow unreal, and yet here we are in the mist of it all and it is scary. I'm glad you found the song nice to listen to.

Wow, This is pretty nice, Never heard anything quite like it, complex and thoughtful. Well Done!
thanks for your kind words Dom...glad you liked it
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: CaliaMoko on August 10, 2019, 01:51:31 PM
...I also thought of using the following lines in the 3rd verse:
 
"One million species face extinction in unstable times
Environmental disasters are such a crime"

What do you, or anyone else think?...

I think those two lines would be stronger with fewer words. Like:

One million species face extinction
But no one seems to have jurisdiction


Just an idea....

Not that I'm any expert, or anything...it still seems a little wordy, though it's better. The "unstable times" feels unnecessary and maybe too obvious. And "such a crime" feels more, well, predictable and ordinary than what I'm expecting from you.

Maybe you could do something with "at the tipping point" and "held at gunpoint" or "cataclysmic event"....

Really, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about and it's already perfect. I can totally get carried away picking words apart. Well, not words, literally, but sentences. Phrases.... Anyway, I'm operating on too much stress and too little sleep, so keep that in mind.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Andreas on August 10, 2019, 08:54:35 PM
Amazing track @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)  about a strong theme! :) Loved the piano in this one! And the talking part is so clever :)

Cheers
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Paulski on August 11, 2019, 03:16:19 AM
Hi Suzt

Really like this one.
Super lyrics and lots of interesting things going on.
Your vox are spot on too.
How did you get Elton to play on this?  :D :D

Enjoyed it!
Paul

PS - you could really make this take off at the end with a full orchestra, big drums etc etc. (or not!)
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: adamfarr on August 12, 2019, 02:34:05 PM
Great opening line! And great concept spanning various boiling topics.


I'd keep the various lines with the "world" - or even move them all to be "earth" - I think there's power in keeping on returning to that key concept.


I could hear a acapella part maybe in the final verse - I think losing the piano altogether could also be a powerful moment...


A fine (and necessary) piece of work!
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on August 14, 2019, 10:55:26 PM
A question I have regarding the current Global warming thing is, given that we know the Earth warmed up and melted a lot of the ice around 14,000 years ago, ( when we were not there with our carbon emissions ) how do we know that the warming that is apparent now is our fault?

A question nobody seems to ask during TV discussions...
A valid question Kevin. Have you watched 'An Inconvenient Truth'? In that documentary they show a graph of climate patterns for as far back as they can go, that shows how drastically the earth has been warming for the last 70yrs or so. Never before has it spiked so quickly and so dramatically, so I think we humans are unfortunately, directly influencing global warming, IMHO.

@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) - Hi Suze - great work, You have a style right of your own, that's so cool, such a lot of work in here, can''t think of anything to say production wise, just very clever stuff you do.

The way us Humans ravage our planet is pretty careless, but I'm as culpable as anyone else, I buy milk in plastic bottles, my car has petrol, I fly on kerosene powered planes, I buy a bed made in Vietnam, is it directly as a result of these things that Butterflies face extinction? or is it the same thing as someone who is comfortably off, not thinking too much on how wisely they spend their money, until one day it's all gone, then the focus sharpens...that is, there were lots of Rhinos once, now there ain't, so now some of us are concerned, some aren't.



Thanks Kevin. I appreciated your supportive comments.

I think we're all guilty of helping pollute the earth, but at the moment we don't have a whole lot of options to choose from. Yes we could all stop taking holidays, stop driving cars and and buying so much stuff, but then what would happen to the economy? We need to start from the bottom up to rebuild the way we live, but I have no idea what that looks or how we'd do it, but I'm sure it could be done if some of the big corporations would let go of their hold on us.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on August 21, 2019, 02:41:50 AM
Hi Suzy,

I like the 60s Summer of Love vibe this has in places.
Seems fitting with the lyrical content.
The breakdown adds a nice depth and contrast.

Thought provoking and well executed piece.

Digger
Thanks for your kind words Digger. "60s Summer of Love vibe"! I wish we could turn back time and start from the 60's all over again, knowing what we know now. Maybe we I wouldn't be writing songs like this.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: MonnoDB on August 22, 2019, 11:28:46 PM
As always, beautifully creative s- I’m always in awe how you navigate through different sections of your songs – this one moves through them very well I think.  I just LOVE the harmonies on this – they give such a rich sound. The message is great and timely and to be applauded…  Loved this CS!
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Jambrains on August 23, 2019, 11:30:19 AM
Hahahahahahah! Polidicks!!! :-)
From Go! one can tell this is a Suzy song without a shadow of a doubt. You always have variations, twist and turns that one can never be sure where we a going next which is both a strength and weakness. A strength by the fact that there is tons to discover but also a "weakness" since it will requiring multiple listen to really get into it. I'd say the "strength" wins though. Quite a journey this, me like!
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: rightly on August 24, 2019, 03:11:54 PM
Truly stunning display of talent here
Reminded me in parts of Frank Zappa.
Excellent work.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on August 28, 2019, 10:22:14 AM
Yo CS.

This one is very memorable,it gets it's hooks in right from the opening bars.

I love the way you work with your vocal harmonies,very you and very cool.  8)

thanks much-ly Skub. I'm going to take the "very you" as a compliment (although I get that a lot and sometimes I wonder) LOL!  I'm never sure about the vocals, so thanks for the kudos :)
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on August 28, 2019, 10:24:48 AM

I'm curious as to what you found funny about the child speaking? Was it just the way I did voice, or was it what she was saying? :)

Hi @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947), well the teacher comes along addressing the innocent child - and of course the kid turns out to be full of complex vocabulary and mature socio-political opinions, and that made me smile!  ;D

Well done! All the best - M
Thanks for clarifying that Michael. You're response was exactly what I was hoping for. :) 
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: PaulyX on August 30, 2019, 08:43:17 AM
Hi Suzy, I listened to this ages ago and thought I'd posted but see I hadn't.  Another listen today.  I thought this was one of your best.  The cascade of overlapping "Boiling points" is really haunting and the melody there is very interesting. The melody throughout is very pretty actually. Overall I thought it had a kind of Joni Mitchell singer-songwriter feel (and the eco-consciousness of it draws parallels to her too).  Very nice piano.  Personally I wasn't so keen on the spoken Middle 8, interesting the first time you hear it but I thought it got in the way of the lovely music and melodies a bit on subsequent listens. I can see what you were going for with it though and others really dig it, so that's just me.  Clever wordplay in a lot of the lines too (my fave = politricks).  Great that the lyrics are both specific and vague too - e.g. they are very much about a certain issue, but not about a particular country or certain politician, so more people will be able to relate to them.  Nice one, hope you write some more like this.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on September 01, 2019, 11:20:45 AM
Hi,
It's a very touching song and I like your sweet and fair voice. You feel that this subject is close to your heart. I really like the part where the voices speak, it's bold but it works. It may be a little long in my opinion and the recovery surprised me a little bit. I like the sound of the drums a little less. Apart from these details, it's a very good piece for me, it's very personal.

IS
Thanks so much for your comments Inanite.  Your thoughts on the drums and length are much appreciated. My songs do tend to be on the long side, but I'm glad you it regardless. I'm leaving this alone for a bit, but I do plan to try and add some bass, so it's still a WIP.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Modestmouse1965/ on September 02, 2019, 10:26:43 PM
Very creative and thought provoking. Great harmonies. A lot going on here so will need more listens. This is not a problem as i needed multiple listens to band's like pink Floyd and Radiohead each time they released something. It seems well crafted and sounds sweet considering the political lyrics. Great job.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on September 07, 2019, 11:54:52 AM
...I also thought of using the following lines in the 3rd verse:
 
"One million species face extinction in unstable times
Environmental disasters are such a crime"

What do you, or anyone else think?...

I think those two lines would be stronger with fewer words. Like:

One million species face extinction
But no one seems to have jurisdiction


Just an idea....

Not that I'm any expert, or anything...it still seems a little wordy, though it's better. The "unstable times" feels unnecessary and maybe too obvious. And "such a crime" feels more, well, predictable and ordinary than what I'm expecting from you.

Maybe you could do something with "at the tipping point" and "held at gunpoint" or "cataclysmic event"....

Really, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about and it's already perfect. I can totally get carried away picking words apart. Well, not words, literally, but sentences. Phrases.... Anyway, I'm operating on too much stress and too little sleep, so keep that in mind.

Sorry it's taken so long to respond to your suggestions Vickie. I really appreciate your taking the time to give these lyrics your thoughts. Means a lot and you definitely know what you're talking about. I have been playing around with them a bit, although I might just leave it as is for now. Sometimes I get to a point with a song and I just can't get enthused to do anything else with it, especially if I've been working on it for a long time. But thanks again for your input.
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Girlinside on September 08, 2019, 08:59:05 AM
I think it’s a grower x
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on September 10, 2019, 11:47:56 AM
Amazing track @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)  about a strong theme! :) Loved the piano in this one! And the talking part is so clever :)

Cheers
thanks for your very supportive comments LAM. Glad you liked the talking part :)

Hi Suzt

Really like this one.
Super lyrics and lots of interesting things going on.
Your vox are spot on too.
How did you get Elton to play on this?  :D :D

Enjoyed it!
Paul

PS - you could really make this take off at the end with a full orchestra, big drums etc etc. (or not!)

Thanks my fellow Canuck. Elton and I go way back :) I like your big ending idea!

Great opening line! And great concept spanning various boiling topics.


I'd keep the various lines with the "world" - or even move them all to be "earth" - I think there's power in keeping on returning to that key concept.


I could hear a acapella part maybe in the final verse - I think losing the piano altogether could also be a powerful moment...


A fine (and necessary) piece of work!

thanks so much for your insightful review Adam. I'm pleased to hear that you think I should keep returning to the "world". My purpose was that it make it more powerful.
I like your acapella idea ending as well :)
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Wicked Deeds on September 12, 2019, 01:42:46 PM
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)



I love your voice! There's always something quirky and enjoyable sbout your approach to musical productions and your writing is always thought provoking.. If you don't get any offers for bass, then drop me a message and I'll be happy to oblige.

Paul
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: Jamie on September 12, 2019, 03:10:52 PM
Hi CS, your best vocal production I've heard! Nice harmonies working well too.Thoughtful lyric in these troubled times, oh and love the eltonesque piano playing.
Nice one
Jamie
Title: Re: The Boiling Point
Post by: crystalsuzy on September 19, 2019, 12:38:41 PM
As always, beautifully creative s- I’m always in awe how you navigate through different sections of your songs – this one moves through them very well I think.  I just LOVE the harmonies on this – they give such a rich sound. The message is great and timely and to be applauded…  Loved this CS!
thanks so much for your encouraging comments Karen. I'm never sure if I move through the sections that well, and I don't even know why I feel compelled to write that way. thanks f or the kudos on the harmonies and subject matter.

Hahahahahahah! Polidicks!!! :-)
From Go! one can tell this is a Suzy song without a shadow of a doubt. You always have variations, twist and turns that one can never be sure where we a going next which is both a strength and weakness. A strength by the fact that there is tons to discover but also a "weakness" since it will requiring multiple listen to really get into it. I'd say the "strength" wins though. Quite a journey this, me like!
thanks JB. I don't know if it's a strength, but it's just the way my minds works, so I can't help myself. It's also a good thing that I'm not trying to make a living writing songs. I'm really glad you liked the journey though.

Truly stunning display of talent here
Reminded me in parts of Frank Zappa.
Excellent work.

I'm humbled by your comments Rightly. I love some of FZ stuff, so thanks