The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MichaelA on July 04, 2019, 09:13:31 PM
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Here's a new song called 'Scratchcard of Love'. It was originally all synths last week, but then having watched Glastonbury over the weekend I thought some guitar sounds were called for. Although not sure I will get on the Pyramid Stage with this, but I am definitely prepared to off start headlining my own tent and see where it leads! :)
But Soundcloud is full of telepathic users by the way. Once posted I immediately got two likes from people who had not even listened to the song. They obviously knew they would like it! ::) Ha! Anyhow, it would be great if you guys would listen before commenting! ;D
https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/scratchcard-of-love (https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/scratchcard-of-love)
Lyrics:
Scratchcard of Love
Close your eyes
And make a little scratch
Then if you are lucky
You'll make a perfect match
The odds are slender
Most tickets meet the bin
Oh love
A game so hard to win
The stars aligned
To make you mine
On the Scratchcard of Love
Cleared three lucky sevens
The stars aligned
And we entwined
On the Scratchcard of Love
I'm in Punters’ Heaven
So thank you lucky stars
Three lucky sevens
A million to one
Thought I'd get two lemons
Instead your heart I won
Both love and money
I've lost it all before
But now I’m gonna win some more
There's a casino in a city of sin
Now that my luck is in
Let me take you there
There's a casino in a city of sin
And I know I can win
Let me take you there
Let me take you there
One charmed day
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Clever lyrics, love it. The instrumentation has a lovely jangly flowing vibe going on. Chorus is catchy, well mixed and produced to my ears, all good Michael!
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I agree with @Bill Saunders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18525), clever lyrics indeed, love the scratchcard metaphor, brilliant.
There are a couple of notes in the bass line that sounds a bit odd to my ears that is probably just me being so used to the bass playing the root note.
All in all a very clever pop song well delivered, well done!
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Yo Michael.
I liked this,but I didn't listen,hope you don't mind?
I keed,I keed senor. :D
I love the way you write songs,that skewed perspective which makes odd connections,the scatchcard/love thang is a great example and a great idea.
I think the guitar addition to the synths was a fine idea,but then I would,wouldn't I?
Is that a baritone guitar I hear in places? ( So thank you lucky stars) Sounds good. I've been trying to source a neck to build a baritone Tele,it'll happen one of these days. I use a 6 string bass when I feel the need for some bari.
The song is deliciously catchy and eminently witty,apart from all that I like it. ;)
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PS...I meant to say the intro was a bit sudden,maybe start the bounce a bar earlier?
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Luv the lyrics and all the jangly stuff!! 8) mix seemed a bit sharp to my ears which meant the volume had to be turned down a bit..sadly :'(
great song mate! :)
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Hi Michael,
I always like a good love song. Well written, well played and well sung.
Keith
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It's another dose of catchy pop here Michael with a lyric (and vocal delivery) in your inimitable style. That's a nice chorus you've got there.
It's quite long...I'm not the one to talk I know!
An idea would be to repeat the chorus again at 3.40...after 'heaven'...miss out the 'thank you lucky stars' bit here which is not my favourite bit to be frank...it would flow nicely into a repeat there and you could either fade with that or a little bit of jangly outro....might only save 10 seconds! I just want it to repeat the chorus there and not have that 'lucky stars' bit again...I'm not in love with that pause before the 'stars' especially at this point in the song.
Anyway what the hell do I know. It's a neat song.
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Hi all, well I found the feedback you gave very encouraging and useful. I have made a few changes because of some of the comments.
First of all, I feared the song was too long - and seeing as you agreed @Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra I took some of your advice and pruned the end. I edited 20 secs off, which I thought worthwhile. So thanks mucho! :D
Secondly, I can see what you mean about the shrillness of the mix @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) - subtlety is not my strong point! ;) Anyhow I have smoothed it out a bit, so thanks.
Next @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061), yes I added a much needed blank bar to the beginning so that the downward stroke of the first guitar stroke doesn't get cut off! Never noticed that, so cheers! But it's not a baritone guitar, by the way, seeing as you ask. It is a vintage Rickenbacker 330, played on here through various virtual amps to get the different sounds I needed. It has been in its case for quite a while and I am badly out of practice! ;)
Thanks also for listening before commenting! ;D
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875), thanks for the general approval. I don't play just root notes for bass though, just notes in the key, but maybe I need to rethink my bass strategy!
Finally, thanks to @Bill Saunders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18525) and @diademgrove (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19135) , it's great to get nice comments as it fuels creativity for the future! :)
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So sweet. The cupcakes really sum it up. It's a joy to listen to. A person would have to have a very hard heart not to love this. Put a smile on my face.
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I guess I'm lucky to be listening to this after you did some tweaking because it all sounds perfect to my ears :) I have to agree with Lyn...hard not to love this one :-* Very clever lyrics for a love song
Love the jangly guitar and vocals :) Nicely arranged and produced :)
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Yeah, the current version is really sweet. I always really like your confessional, kitchen sink narrative type of song. I can't really imagine it without those nice picked guitars so am glad you added them. It's one of those lovely songs that is ostensibly all upbeat but somehow still has a whiff of melancholy running through it. I really liked it.
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Thanks for these last few comments folks. I've done my tweaking now, so would be happy to see this thread sink :D
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) , thanks, glad you like the cupcakes. The cupcakes are better than the songs tbh! ;D
Hi @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) , thanks for the listen, and yep those jangly guitars are something I would like to use again sometime. All the best! ;)
Thanks @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) , writing narrative songs just comes a lot easier to me than concept base or less tangible lyrics. So I'll carry on with that then, thanks for the listen! :)
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Hi Michael
What a great summer song on a warm summer evening here in Canucksville :)
Lots to like - octave vox, jangly guitar, 60's innocence and all.
Super vocals on center stage where they should be.
There are a few bum notes on the bass as JB mentioned - but maybe I'm just not hearing it right.. ;D ;D
Enjoyed this immensely!
Paul
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Great images here and the instrumentation really drives it along.
Sometimes I felt the vocal was a bit too upfront and could be a little gentler - possibly it's just the addition of the octave vocal (maybe I wouldn't have used that quite as much).
I think "Punters' Heaven" is a line I won't forget easily - really original and cool.
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Hello! I like the energy in this one! Strong chorus. Really cool lyrics. Nice guitars adding that extra touch. The only thing that "bothered" me was that it feels like there is a little too much ducking for the kick in the chorus. But maybe that's on purpose :)
Nice one!