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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on July 01, 2019, 09:28:37 AM

Title: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Jambrains on July 01, 2019, 09:28:37 AM
My rocker image is going down the drain fast, I'm getting softer by the hour  :-[
Time for another "Gentlebrains" song, I blame @monnodb  ;D
But I must admit Karen has been a great support esp when it comes to lyrics, helping me cut the rough edges and getting to the core.

https://soundcloud.com/jambrains/i-believed


When you've passed all of the milestones
they put up along the road
A one way street ahead
And a wall behind you
When everything's been said and done
and all’s been seen and heard
Not an empty page remains
in your diary

I believed
one day I would be heard
And I believed
the meek would inherit the earth
Now I see
I just stood there
as my life passed me by
Now I see
I wasted what was given

I took the wrong turn once or twice
Did things that I regret
And shied away
From doing what I should have
I tried so hard to walk the line
Between my truth and yours
Lied when honesty
Would be misunderstood

I believed
one day I would be heard
And I believed
the meek would inherit the earth
Now I see
I just stood there
as my life passed me by
Now I see
I wasted what was given

I should have stopped for a while
To contemplate my life
But I kept on running
Scared to fall behind
Chasing worthless goals and dreams
Fighting misconceived
danger and enemies
That existed only in my mind

I believed
one day I would be heard
And I believed
the meek would inherit the earth
Now I see
I just stood there
as my life passed me by
Now I see
I wasted what was given
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: shadowfax on July 01, 2019, 02:37:46 PM
You should've been performing at Glastonbury my friend, this is way better than anything I saw over the weekend... :) :) :)
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Bankie on July 01, 2019, 10:02:28 PM
I'm a sucker for a ballad, so you're not getting a cranky word out of me for this. The arrangement is the standout feature. Songs like this are always in danger of becoming boring, but this was an interesting journey; really good buildup and excellent instrumentation.
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Skub on July 02, 2019, 10:53:30 PM
I caught this one a couple of weeks ago,but man it was good to hear it again.

The Gilmour era Floyd is well in evidence here,but as an influence not a rip off.

Karen's Celtic influence on the lyrics is obvious. Us Paddies know how to voice the melancholy and 'crying in yer beer angst and loss'.

A beautiful,yearning track. Well done Johan,now hand in yer rock card and take a comfy seat as soft as yourself!  ;D
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: RealKevM on July 03, 2019, 10:31:31 AM
Love the piano on this, great song
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Jambrains on July 05, 2019, 01:29:26 PM
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024): thanks mate, you're too kind :-)

@Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332): thanks, put quite some work into arrangement/instrumentation so I'm happy to hear it apparently paid off  :)

@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061), GRMA! ;-) My softness is probably to be blamed on age but it's much more fun to blame it on Karen  ;D ;D

@RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324): thanks for taking the time to listen and comment!
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Bostonfan2 on July 05, 2019, 02:50:15 PM
Very well Produced! this sounds real good. the arrangement builds very nicely, the vocal is very clear
many tracks I hear are overdone with effects and you balanced it well. lyrically different from the standard
format and it works well.. Great jOB!

Ray
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra on July 06, 2019, 05:53:16 PM
It all sounds fantastic Johan. The arrangement and build of the song are wonderfully achieved....a lot of hard work. Your vocal is now something to behold for sure.

Not my personal favourite of yours.

Shouldn't worry you....everybody else loves it!
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: digger72 on July 07, 2019, 10:49:46 AM
Hi JB,

Nothing wrong with some Gentlebrains.
That piano sounds great.
The soundscape builds very well.

Vocals are strong. Captures the lyrics very well. World weary.
Hope you don't mind me saying, but there was one word I might have changed:
"I wasted what was given"
I kept wanting to sing:
"I wasted what was mine."

Really good song.

Digger
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: MichaelA on July 08, 2019, 12:15:23 PM
Hi @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) , have listened a few times now. It's a lovely rock ballad which you sing really well. Melody is strong.

Although you think you are 'gentle' this time,  I still think there are some robust rock touches in there which I might have tamed a little in this delicate song, for example the snare drum is quite cutting in places with too pronounced fill. Just a taste thing though I am sure.

But the piano is quite lovely and the overall feel of the song is moving and reflective. Someone mentioned Glastonbury above, and I could well imagine this as a stadium rock ballad that everyone sings along to. Crowd pleasing stuff! :)
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Inanité_sonore on July 14, 2019, 08:37:08 PM
Hi,
That's a nice song you're proposing here. It's well composed and you have a talent for vocal interpretation, in my opinion. There is a good progression in the composition. It's quite well mixed, everything seems to be in its place.
Nice work!

IS
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: cowparsleyman on July 16, 2019, 12:34:59 PM
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) - Love the way you handled the Acoustic guitars. Nice ending track for an Album. A lot of care went into the production.

Just found the rhythm of "given" in the wasted what was given, a little jarring, perhaps make it closer to a single syllable, a little faster almost like givn.

Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: PaulyX on July 16, 2019, 09:35:17 PM
Really super.  I loved the bleakness of the lyrics (we all have days when we feel like that I think).  Particularly liked the way the title by itself sounds quite optimistic but the lyrics themselves pull the rug out from under that.  Fantastic build and sculpting to the track - nothing gets boring, there's always something new coming in... important for a mid-paced number I think.  One of your best I felt.
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Jambrains on July 29, 2019, 04:52:01 PM
@Bostonfan2 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22448): thanks!  :)

@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra: thanks for taking the time, much appreciated!

@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823): thanks mate, interesting suggestion re the lyrics but i think it would shift the meaning a bit.

@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274): thanks! Yeah I know, them drums, them drums. I just can't get enough of them :-)

@Inanité_sonore (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22286): thaks for taking the time to listen and comment! :-)

@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308): thanks for the input! Think it will stay as-is but still a valuable second opinion.

@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034); thanks a mill :-)
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: HappyDays on July 30, 2019, 01:25:44 AM
What a lovely song - it's soft and rugged. It's something I'll definitely check out more often. It's basically ditto to everyone else's comments about the great piano accompaniment. The only slight thing I would kinda keep an eye on is the line:

Not an empty page remains
in your diary


I get the message and use of it, but it seems a bit too different from the rest of the story. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

All in all, a solid jam!
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: Paulski on August 07, 2019, 12:31:43 AM
Great great song @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)  ;D
Love the tempo and of course the stellar vocals.
Production is top drawer too. Love the piano.
My personal pref would be more verb on the snare to give it depth but I'm scrapin' to find nits here.  ;D ;D
Good stuff!
Paul
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: crystalsuzy on August 07, 2019, 01:13:46 AM
Well thank God for aging and Karen because this is a beautiful song JB  :) The arrangement is superb...keeps your interest throughout  :) 
the lovely piano balances out the heavy lyrics. stellar production.  8) One of my favs of yours  :-*
Title: Re: I Believed (But Now I See)
Post by: adamfarr on August 09, 2019, 12:06:57 PM
Great stuff. I think when I imagine myself as a great keyboardist, this is what I imagine sitting down and playing.

Love the arrangement and atmosphere. And I am a sucker for a contrasting breakdown/middle8.

Two things that felt ever so slightly 4 stars instead of 5:
- misconceived (pause) dangers and enemies - I'd really try to keep them joined up (by drawing out the syllables or breaking with rhythm...)
- what was given - sounded a bit anticlimactic if just two identical 8th notes - I'd like a jump up or down to the "en"...

But just one listener's (picky) thoughts. A really enjoyable ballad.