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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: RealKevM on June 28, 2019, 10:51:51 AM

Title: Won't You
Post by: RealKevM on June 28, 2019, 10:51:51 AM: Hello! Here's a song I wrote last week, I feel it's my best yet and i'm really excited about it. I'd love to know what you guys think to it and any suggestions for improvement are welcome. Kev :)

Won't you tell me a story
One I hope never ends
But if it's over
I'll help you write it again

Won't you sing me as sing
So I can hear your soul
And when it's done
I'll know what you know

Chorus (Changes each time from 'I'm' to 'you're' and finally to 'we're')

I'm feeling so alone
Too warm to feel cold
Look how much i've grown
I'm too young to feel this old

2nd verse

Won't you write me a letter
Tell me where you've been
And when i've read it
I'll have seen what you've seen

Won't you sail me a boat
Straight across the sea
And when the waves come down
Take shelter with me
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: Mikey on June 28, 2019, 07:51:09 PM: @RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324)

Great song Kev, I think this may well be one of your best, and your vocals are improving in leaps and bounds, love the hummingbird too, looks and sounds great.

Keep it up mate, Mikey
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: RealKevM on June 29, 2019, 09:29:04 AM: @Mikey (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20986) Thank you my man, you won't believe how happy I am that my vocals are finally starting to fall into place. I've been studying Richard Ashcroft, his tone and the way he delivers his vocals.
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: Andreas on June 29, 2019, 03:11:31 PM: @RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) Just as Mikey said, might as well be one of your best songs, both lyrically and performance vice. Your tone is most definitely improving every time you post a new song. Nothing else to do, than to look forward to the gigs you're playing this summer :)

Well done mate!

Andreas
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: CaliaMoko on June 29, 2019, 07:14:55 PM: I, too, am impressed with your vocal improvement, Kev. It's been my experience that most people, who have trouble matching pitches and regulating their singing tones, give up. Your determination is really paying off! I think that is just great!

Vicki
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: Mikey on June 29, 2019, 07:38:00 PM: Quote from: RealKevM on June 29, 2019, 09:29:04 AM
@Mikey (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20986) Thank you my man, you won't believe how happy I am that my vocals are finally starting to fall into place. I've been studying Richard Ashcroft, his tone and the way he delivers his vocals.

@RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) , you are very welcome mate, you deserve it with the hard work you have been putting in, and your lyrics have always been good so its great that everything is coming together.

Cheers, Mikey
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: RealKevM on July 01, 2019, 07:52:10 AM: Thanks guys, very encouraging i'm super motivated.
@Younger Hills (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) Thanks Andreas really appreciated
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) Thanks Vikki, I have very nearly given up a few times lol
@Mikey (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20986) Cheers my man
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: RealKevM on July 03, 2019, 10:54:17 AM: I played the song live last night for the first time, if anyone would like to have a listen :)
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: Dogmax on July 04, 2019, 11:11:37 PM: Quote from: RealKevM on July 03, 2019, 10:54:17 AM
I played the song live last night for the first time, if anyone would like to have a listen :)

Okay on first listening you're crying out to loud believe me they heard it all before you need to slow it down make your listeners listen to you.

Nice one man 8)
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: Cawproductions on July 05, 2019, 03:43:26 PM: Hey Kev.

You are improving at a great rate there buddy.

Tracks are really coming together and that vocal is really starting to shape up.

Top work dude.
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: RealKevM on July 05, 2019, 09:05:07 PM: @Dogmax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22307) Thanks man, you're right it's all about the dynamics, advice noted.

@Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938) Cheers dude, very encouraging :)
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: Cawproductions on July 07, 2019, 04:33:45 PM: Just had another listen to this,

Heres what I would do,
On the verse, play gently with the same rhythm, and let your vocal tell the story
Then build up the playing intensity into the chorus and let the stronger playing with your vocal ram the message home.
After the chorus get all down again, draw the listener back in.

Great work Kev, good song too just need to get some playing dynamics in.

And as usual, just my crazy way, not the highway.

Cheers
Andy
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: RealKevM on July 07, 2019, 09:32:16 PM: Cheers Andy, no you're right, I definitely need to introduce some dynamics. Thank you!
Title: Re: Won't You
Post by: RealKevM on September 17, 2019, 01:04:53 PM: I recorded a new version yesterday, it's nice and acoustic and pretty decent I think...please have a listen and let me know your thoughts, I think it could be my best song