The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Andyb on June 27, 2019, 12:47:05 PM
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New song, just finished. After my last offering decided to up my game lyric wise and there is a strong message within this track. Musically simple, one of these tracks that has the same music throughout verse and chorus with just a shift in dynamics. First time I've ever done a song like this, it was harder than I thought, trying to get strong verse melody and a strong chorus melody within the same frame of music. Lyrics are within the video. Hope you enjoy, Andy
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Yeah man!👏🏻🎶👏🏻🎶 great job! I love the dark lyrics and the mix is great to my ear. Nice change up in the musical interlude. Nice work! No nits from me.🎶👊🏻🎶😄
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Yeah man!👏🏻🎶👏🏻🎶 great job! I love the dark lyrics and the mix is great to my ear. Nice change up in the musical interlude. Nice work! No nits from me.🎶👊🏻🎶😄
Thanks man, I always get cold feet when finishing songs but unusually felt surprisingly ok about this one but nothing is ever perfect just simply abandoned !
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Hey Andy B I love your logo for a start!
That's a gutsy backing track and that vocal double up is set perfectly in the mix and voice against voice. Great sound to that lead, very different, very anthemic.
Overall very polished, great rhythm to the lyric line making the melody stand out. Then that Mid8 section really blasts through, no rock clichés there and I love the contemporary twists to this. Really catchy, hopes it reaches a wider audience.
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Yes, nice job.
And sounding very inspired
Great production.
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Hi mate, excellent production. I hadn’t noticed that it was the same 4 chords throughout (almost) until I re-read your comments. That’s pretty impressive in itself... a good sign that the melody is carrying it well. Sweet middle 8. Both I and Mrs Pauly thought it could be a Snow Patrol track. Lyrics good too, revealed more on a second listen (to me anyway... I interpreted it as being about domestic violence. Like the way you do have to work a bit to interpret it though). Nice nice track.
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Hi mate, excellent production. I hadn’t noticed that it was the same 4 chords throughout (almost) until I re-read your comments. That’s pretty impressive in itself... a good sign that the melody is carrying it well. Sweet middle 8. Both I and Mrs Pauly thought it could be a Snow Patrol track. Lyrics good too, revealed more on a second listen (to me anyway... I interpreted it as being about domestic violence. Like the way you do have to work a bit to interpret it though). Nice nice track.
you are spot on Pauly a few lines just came to me and then I thought ok this is what this song is about. Going a little deeper it touches on a bystanders pov and being too afraid to step in and help. The lyrics came together really quickly for me with such a evocative subject it just really flowed. Probably took about half an hour to an hour from first pen stroke. I wish all my lyrics were as easy to get out
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Really liked this one a lot. Lyrics are great. I got the gist of the story before I read the comments. Music and singing sound great, too.
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This is powerful stuff Andy...very impressed.
It's way beyond the sphere of my imagination and capabilities and you've knocked it off with a lot of style.
The moves up in the melody for the chorus do the job well and the harmonies do a great job...all so subtly done but very effective.....as is the panning stuff.
Good imagery in the lyrics and a perfect fit for the mood of the track and the subject.
Nice work, great sound/production....yeah and you shaved ten seconds off my intro!
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Hi Andy,
This has a lot of energy and a nice hooky choruus, nice vocal too, I like the way your accent comes through in this, good mix too, lots of power,
Cheers, Mikey
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Killer bass! And the rest of the backing track is not far behind including the vocals. Love the instrumental part starting just before the 3 minute mark. Outro is spot on as well. My only complaint would be the drums/drums in the chorus. You have the guitars/bass going accenting something like ta-ta-ta and the drums are sort of following but I think you would get more drive/energy (and variation from the verse) if drum and bass would play straight instead of following the accents of the guitar. Drums could do straight 4s on a crash and bass just pumping 8ths. Did that make any sense at all? Hard to explain, would be easier in Swedish but... ;D ;D ;D
Just my personal prefs of course, fab as is as well, well done!
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I'm actually warming to the accent thing. I must be getting used to it :)
Really love your work, but I would place this below average *for you*. That's not meant to be a put-down - more of a compliment to your other songs. I did enjoy it, but it just felt a little too straight/repetitive for the music style and think a break-out of the pace in a new section / middle 8 would have really brought the whole thing out. Love the sonics in the instrumental part - you do have a knack of finding the right sounds to slot in.
Sorry if anything sounds a little harsh there, but it was you who raised the bar so my expectations rise with it :)
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This is powerful stuff Andy...very impressed.
It's way beyond the sphere of my imagination and capabilities and you've knocked it off with a lot of style.
The moves up in the melody for the chorus do the job well and the harmonies do a great job...all so subtly done but very effective.....as is the panning stuff.
Good imagery in the lyrics and a perfect fit for the mood of the track and the subject.
Nice work, great sound/production....yeah and you shaved ten seconds off my intro!
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This is powerful stuff Andy...very impressed.
It's way beyond the sphere of my imagination and capabilities and you've knocked it off with a lot of style.
The moves up in the melody for the chorus do the job well and the harmonies do a great job...all so subtly done but very effective.....as is the panning stuff.
Good imagery in the lyrics and a perfect fit for the mood of the track and the subject.
Nice work, great sound/production....yeah and you shaved ten seconds off my intro!
This is powerful stuff Andy...very impressed.
It's way beyond the sphere of my imagination and capabilities and you've knocked it off with a lot of style.
The moves up in the melody for the chorus do the job well and the harmonies do a great job...all so subtly done but very effective.....as is the panning stuff.
Good imagery in the lyrics and a perfect fit for the mood of the track and the subject.
Nice work, great sound/production....yeah and you shaved ten seconds off my intro!
glad I could help 😜
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I'm actually warming to the accent thing. I must be getting used to it :)
Really love your work, but I would place this below average *for you*. That's not meant to be a put-down - more of a compliment to your other songs. I did enjoy it, but it just felt a little too straight/repetitive for the music style and think a break-out of the pace in a new section / middle 8 would have really brought the whole thing out. Love the sonics in the instrumental part - you do have a knack of finding the right sounds to slot in.
Sorry if anything sounds a little harsh there, but it was you who raised the bar so my expectations rise with it :)
it's all good my friend I appreciate all comments good and bad, its all constructive and helps improve our songwriting process
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No no you misunderstand me. I haven't cut down my intro....wouldn't do that for anybody!
I was just saying that your intro was fairly long too....only ten seconds shorter than mine!
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I have a rule, no intro longer than 15 secs,
I read somewhere that a commercial tune must follow this rule,
Could be total Bo**ocks but must be true, it was on the internet. pahhahhaaa.
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No no you misunderstand me. I haven't cut down my intro....wouldn't do that for anybody!
I was just saying that your intro was fairly long too....only ten seconds shorter than mine!
ah ok my bad, that's fair enough 😀
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This is really good! I wanted to give a couple listens before commenting.
you really do pick up more on the lyrics after another pass which are well thought
out and work very well together. The change at 2:45 is perfect, my first impression
was that maybe there should be a bridge with vocals to change it up more but i
didnt feel that as much the second time around. You really captured the mood and feel
that these strong lyrics convey. Impressive! .....Ray
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Hi,
I like your song. The voice has something, that's for sure. The rest is simple but effective. It's well produced in style because it's not too clean and I think it's good. I like the ending in echo. The only thing that bothered me a little bit was the appearance of the guitar on the right at 0.14'.
Great work!
IS
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Hi,
I like your song. The voice has something, that's for sure. The rest is simple but effective. It's well produced in style because it's not too clean and I think it's good. I like the ending in echo. The only thing that bothered me a little bit was the appearance of the guitar on the right at 0.14'.
Great work!
IS
Thank you for the feedback. It's all recorded using a bass, no conventional guitars and one of the the things I like to do is demonstrate the range of sounds I can achieve with my bass. I think the "guitar" part you are referring to is the little reverse fade in bit ? this is more just a sound effect to add a bit of texture to the song it pops up now and again throughout the song
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This is really good! I wanted to give a couple listens before commenting.
you really do pick up more on the lyrics after another pass which are well thought
out and work very well together. The change at 2:45 is perfect, my first impression
was that maybe there should be a bridge with vocals to change it up more but i
didnt feel that as much the second time around. You really captured the mood and feel
that these strong lyrics convey. Impressive! .....Ray
Thanks for the feedback Ray
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Yes, that's right, the fade in! This use of the bass is surprising and very successful.