The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: LostBoy on June 20, 2019, 09:26:05 PM
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Hey everyone, well...I’ve heard numerous pro songwriters go on about all the crap songs they have to write before they can write a good one. This song, I feel, is one I had to write and finish on my journey to a good song.😊😆 Don’t get me wrong, there’s parts I like, but I’m not sure it will go on my next album or anything.🤷🏼♂️
Haha! Well now I’m done giving feedback on my own song...it’s your turn! ...if u don’t mind of course.🤪🎶👍🏻🎶 cheers!😄🙏🏻
https://soundcloud.com/leo-b-5/throw-it-on-the-fire
Lyrics.
Tired of hearing sorry, it’s a no?
You’re not quite what we’re looking for?
Well it would be so easy to give up
But I believe you’re made of stronger stuff
Just hold on tight
Keep your head high
You’ll be alright
Every time you fail, just throw it on the fire
It will make you strong
What you become
Gonna show them all
Just throw it on the fire.
Just keep on working hard
Be ready when you get that call
You’re sitting on the bench head in your hands
But one day soon you’ll smack it out the stands.
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You have a really good voice @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) :) Think you're doing really well in the high parts. It isn't a bad song I think and the song has a good message. Maybe try and adapt the lyrics to match each other on the number of syllables.
Must admit I kinda liked this one :)
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Hi LostBoy as you've asked here's my tuppence worth. Hope you don't mind.
The music is very strong, as is your singing. I think there's a great song in there but its weakness in my view is the lyrics. Its not clear who you are singing to. My initial reaction to the first verse was you were singing about yourself but that lasted two lines. It took me the whole song to realise you were singing to someone else.
That raises the obvious questions, who and why. The song doesn't provide any answers which took me away from appreciating the singing and the melody. My personal preference would be to put the song in the first person. You would then be singing about your reaction to rejection. You would be inviting the listener into your world, like Gloria Gaynor did in I Will Survive.
Finally I'm not keen on the line smack it out the stands. It sounds a little weak to my ears.
All the above may just be me so feel free to ignore me if you disagree.
Keith
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Yo @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481)
As we would expect,you are in fine voice here Leo. Keith raises some valid points,so I won't labour those issues again.
Your voice always sounds great,so you can make anything sound good and that makes it more difficult to judge the song itself.
For me,the song is fine,it's a kind of Bryan Adams album track,perhaps not a single,but a solid track nevertheless.
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This is so very far from being a crap song Leo... I loved it. I actually thought it was one of your best... It just flows, doesn’t need to try too hard with elaborate hooks and so on, because the song itself just carries interest and emotion all the way through. The title is a great line and good motif for the message of the piece... everyone has had frustrations, so everyone should identify with that message. No nits here, super track.
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Hi Leo - great vocal and harms in this.
I was reminded of Brian Adams too ( a good canuckski)
I didn't understand the lyric TBH - throw your failures on the fire?
I kind of like the idea to maybe try 1st person - otherwise it borders on preachy - or motivational IDK. ;D ;D
But I shouldn't nit-pick your stuff - it sounds so good - it's almost sacrilege :(
Paul
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Really like the rhythm of this from the start... and on a second listen I liked it even more..
The "throw it on the fire" line works for me - I was kind of imagining it was the PFO you're throwing the fire...
Hmmm the "smack it out the stands' line - not sure - is that like "knock it out of the park"? TBH if you hadn't introduced the song as something you weren't quite sure of, I probably wouldn't question that as I can make my own sense of it..
I think this song is a victim of your preamble (and in fairness, I'm very good at setting a song up badly in my preambles) and the fact that it's a laid back gem... which is completely fine and it's really appealing to my ear...
A very lovely song, @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) in my very humble opinion!
K
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Big sound. Very inspirational. Sounds like an anthem. I could see this being a hit.
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So never heard any crap..was I listening to the wrong song? :) 8)
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A good steady song - I liked the line everytime you fail Just throw it on the fire - like saying put it behind and throw it behind you
The more I listen the more I really like it
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@Younger Hills (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) thanks mate! ;D👍🏻
@diademgrove (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19135) Hey Keith, thanks for your feedback, I totally agree with you, the songs lyrics in the verses are not my best. That’s my issue with it aswell. Could use a rewrite or two!🤣🤪🎶👍🏻🎶
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) thanks Davy! Haha! If only I could get an album track worthy of Bry Bry, that would be AWESOME! but no, this one needs some work.😄🙏🏻
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) Aww...thanks mate, it’s funny how we can all have such different viewpoints on the same thing. I’m glad you enjoyed it, I’m proud of the melody at least, and the chorus, just needs a bit more work on the verses.😄🎶👊🏻🎶
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) hey man, thanks! I too wondered if it was a bit preachy?? I’d hate that! As for the hook...I was hoping for a little play on words/double meaning thing, I’ve often heard of athletes being driven to success by a fire inside...soooo yeah, throw your failures on your “ambition” and use them to push you closer towards your goal.🤷🏼♂️ Works for me, but obviously if I have to explain it, then that’s not ideal either.🤣🤦🏼♂️ It also means put it behind you, let it go...yadi yada...
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Thanks Karen! Yeah I’ve been around too many Americans in my life and “Smack it out the stands” is actually something I say quite a lot!!🤦🏼♂️😂 I’m pretty sure I could come up with something better though. “Throw it on the fire” is my way of saying throw it on your drive/ambition....and let it go.😄🎶🙌🏻🎶
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) @girlinside Thankyou for your nice words.😄🎶👍🏻🎶🙏🏻
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@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) - Leo this is really good, love the general vibe, lovely production, especially the acoustic Gtr and LVox.
No nits at all, just arrangement ideas...I like to dissipate any predictability in a song..
1:05 - Have the bass double timing
1:13 - Lead Gtr Fill over to the Right, maybe pick on of the hooks from the melody
1:56 - Lose the do do's (It's just a personal pet hate, it always sounds lazy to me..) grand piano could fill out nicely here.
2:08 - Blistering Big wide Rock God Gtr solo in here...
Lyrics sounded alright to me.
Hope it helps
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Great sound there Lost Boy and the chorus has a brilliant lift as well.
Well done I enjoyed ;-)
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I always dig your work mate. Love the chords you're using here and the sound you've recorded. The song just build and builds and is pretty much perfect. Be proud of this one dude.
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Hey Leo I think it's a pretty good song and has a good catchy hook. I've heard plenty by even bigger names than yours (some have been mentioned) a lot worse. It's a good title/lyrical hook too.
Great vocal of course which ought to piss me off being a crap singer but I'm over all that! Power to you son. You've got a great voice which would carry any song wonderfully. And this really isn't at all bad....you must be aiming pretty high...fair enough!
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Really love the production on the drums. Think you are being a little too critical this is a good song and sung really really well. Movie soundtrack right there. Overall the production is very good and a really great vocal
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Wow mate, you actually wrote me a song?! That was so kind of you ;D ;D ;D
Fab stuff as we are used to from you and as always the vox is the star of the show. Solid writing and performance but I think the mix, though not bad in any way, could be even better. Vox is a tad on top of the rest, and I think it could be "bigger" as a track like this deserves.
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Leo,
I always enjoy your tune. They sound great and your vocals are fabulous.
Ignoring the production, for me it was a solid tune rather than being memorable and maybe if it didn't connect with you it perhaps doesn't connect as well with the listener, although there were plenty of others who clearly disagree. Anyway you've done it and can move on the next one!
:-)
Neil
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Hi,
You have a very beautiful voice, when you sing something happens, that's for sure!
If I had to criticize in all modesty, I would perhaps say that the rhythmic part is a little flat, which does not serve the progression of the song.
It's a quality job anyway!
IS
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I love this one Leo. It's got a vulnerable, yet powerful message. I think if you wrote it all in the first person it would be even more powerful 8)
that being said, you could be singing about dog shit and I would love it because you are blessed with an amazing voice and an ability to come
up with awesome melodies and put them together brilliantly. I can totally relate to this song, but in a different way than is meant :P
Never give up!