The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Killjoy on June 05, 2019, 12:17:25 AM
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Don't really know what to say here... I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and I guess this is just a portrayal of how I feel. It's not the best quality in terms of recording but I'm pretty happy with how it's come out.
https://soundcloud.com/jake-page-792647669/fade-away
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I like it. I have one recommendation. The line:
They say that time's a healer and that I'll be fine
has a lot of words crammed in it (well, so do some of the other lines, but I really noticed it in this one) and you could give it more space by leaving out the word "that" both times:
They say time's a healer and I'll be fine
It isn't needed and just takes up space/time unnecessarily. I tried it and I think it works great without those two that's. :D
That's all I have.
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You've got the bones of a very strong track here I'd say. I like the clear contrast between the verse melody and the ascending chorus melody. It'd be great to hear a better recorded / produced version. Great voice by the way.
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There's nothing like a break up to inspire songwriting :)
Really heart felt lyrics, I love how the verses flow. Good work mate and take care of yourself.