The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Paulski on June 02, 2019, 05:36:19 PM
-
Well, it's a posthumous fathers day song - hope it's not too sad!
https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/dad
Dad
Time is to blame for us papering over the past
But a song is a way we can make those old memories last
I've written a ballad or two
Nothing too sad or too blue
But I'm ready to write this for you,
Dad
Sometimes the mirror plays games with the image I see
Blurring the lines on the face looking back at me
For a wonderful moment in time
I'm a boy looking into your eyes
Too bad that it's all in my mind
Dad
Too bad
So sad
Dad
Six little faces watching
Six little faces wondering
Six little faces learning
What to do
From you
I remember the day you were taken away from my life
I just lay there in bed with my hands on my head, and cried
It's too bad you can't be here to see
What became of your family tree
But I think you'd be proud, like me
Dad
Too bad
So sad
But I'm glad
We had you
Dad
-
This was beautiful and heartbreaking to both read and listen to. A beautiful piano melody that captures every emotion of the song and the lyrics is fabulous. You had some really good and creative rhyming that worked perfectly.
Beautiful @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)! :)
-
That was a wonderful song to listen to Paul and you end it just the right way, no repeat verse or lines just press play again which i will.
Strange but from what i'm reading i think Elton John should hear this, never saw the movie but i think your song Paul connects to all in many ways 8)
-
Yo Paul.
Sometimes song need to wait a time before they are written. With those we love,emotions are raw when they die and we are unable to do justice to the person or the memory. It took me around 16 years to record a tribute to a good friend and it was 50 years after my Mum died before I was able to articulate in any meaningful way.
The reason,I blatter on is because this comes across with your delivery of this sweet song to your father. You waited until the time was right and then the song was ready.
Much enjoyed and done with style.
A minor niggle forya,is the bass coming in at 41 seconds clashes with the vocal and distracts. Losing the first two note on the bass would give greater impact to 'Dad'.
-
Heart wrenching, but positive and uplifting too, despite being sad. And absolutely beautiful. I love the simplicity, and yet it is memorable too. And the recording is really classy. Dare I say, a fitting tribute.
It's such a difficult subject to do without sounding twee - I know this having attempted a couple of songs over the years on the same subject.
-
You really are a top writer my friend...this is such a great example of songwriting...have ever thought about writing a full on musical?
-
Excellent track Paulski. I really like the cascading waterfall vocal melodies... lovely run downs. The bass is just right too, you have just the right amount of 'stuff' going on in this one. Up there with your best.
-
Very delicately done Paul. A moving story which many of us on here will sadly be able to relate too. It would have been so easy to get it wrong, either make it too sentimental or too morbid. But as I say, this has a delicate touch and a charming delivery style, very honest and pure.
I really liked it, and it's a great talent to be able to write songs like this that capture the life emotions and journeys we all share.
Very well done! ;)
-
Paul. This is a wonderful song. As others have said sad and uplifting in equal measure. The piano is sublime. Wonderful dynamics in the melody. Both vocals and piano are in perfect harmony and compliment each other. Faultless.
-
Wonderful and ringing out with honest feeling. I lost my Dad too early and it really spoke to me.
Not doubt he'd be proud of you, sir! :)
-
My dad would have loved it if I made something like this song for him. I'm sure yours would have, too. I'm sorry he isn't here to hear this lovely tribute.
-
Classy and classic, writing as well as delivery.
Songs like these needs to walk a thin line not to becoming overly pompous and sentimental.
However I'm happy to report your song managed to stay on the right side :-)
Not much to add except: Bravo!!!
-
A lovely song...you have a great show-tune/theatrical pedigree...this delicately treads the line with honesty and integrity quite perfectly...that takes real talent, I reckon.
I've still got my Dad...he's 89 now...I'm pleased he's lived long enough to get over his initial disappointment at the way I turned out. Or maybe he's just eventually losing his marbles...
-
Hi Paul,
If anyone can pull this off it's you. One verse in particular stands out as just about the best lyrics you have ever come up with:
"Sometimes the mirror plays games with the image I see
Blurring the lines on the face looking back at me
For a wonderful moment in time
I'm a boy looking into your eyes
Too bad that it's all in my mind"
The rest of the song is excellent as always with your usual attention to detail and surefooted musical skills.
A lovely thing.
M
-
Thanks all for listening and taking the time to comment!
@Younger Hills (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) - cheers for the kind remarks. Glad you liked the rhyming.
@Dogmax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22307) - thanks Pat - yep I don't like a song to wear out its welcome mat. I must give ol' Elton a call one of these days - hope he's doing well ;D
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) - thank you Davey You're right about waiting before trying to write the hard ones. My Dad passed away in 1978 and I just couldn't write this song until now. But you inspired me with your song to your Mom last year - and I said to myself "If Davey can do it - maybe I can do it too!" So you're to blame if there's any blame to be placed ;D BTW - you're right about that bass part - I will fix it anon.
@Bill Saunders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18525) - cheers Bill. Glad you heard some positive in it too. I had hoped for that to come across ;D
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) - thanks Kevin. A full on musical eh? Am I allowed to animate it? Can it be a comedy? I'm game then! ;D
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) - cheers Paul. "waterfall" melody - I'm going to use that if you don't mind :D I cheated with most of the bass being MIDI except the intro/outro - glad I got away with it.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) - thanks Michael. Yeah life's journeys are shared by many ain't it so. Happy to hear it resonated with you.
@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769) - cheers Micky - chuffed to hear those comments on my piano playing and vocals. Still lots to be learned in both areas I'm afraid.
@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223) - thanks Tom - sorry about your loss - I always worry I'm going to upset someone who listens to a song like this - but hope they'll understand. Appreciate the kind comments. ;D
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) - thanks (Lynn?) Yeah my Dad was pretty supportive of my music way back then. Glad you think he'd like it.
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) cheers JB - that's nice to hear - thank you!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - thanks Paul - good to hear it wasn't too depressing 8) Your Dad's not alone in losing his marbles there's plenty of lost marbles rolling around here in Canada these days. ;D
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - cheers Alan - glad you liked that verse. That one just spilled out in a rush one day. Thanks for the kind remarks ;D ;D
Hope I didn't miss anyone ;D If I did thanks to U2!
Paul
-
lovely song Paul.
(surprisingly it's out of tune in places)
I like it.
-
lovely song Paul.
(surprisingly it's out of tune in places)
I like it.
Thanks Rightly - would be curious to know where the out-of-tune spots are - it wouldn't surprise me that there are some (a lot?) :)
Oh and HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all the Dad's out there :)
-
Piano is like from Disney movie, so beautiful. Like others said, perfect balance of sad and uplifting feelings. Listening to it had really strong impact on me, talking to my dad after 10 months.