The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat

Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Wicked Deeds on May 31, 2019, 05:11:31 PM

Title: That Won't Do
Post by: Wicked Deeds on May 31, 2019, 05:11:31 PM

Hot of the press....

That won't do

I could say "you should fall for the guy dressed in blue.
He would cradle your heart, no hullabaloo.
He would send you the world in a beautiful phrase but these days, that won't do."

I could tell you his love would make fireworks fly,
that he'd capture the stars in the blink of an eye.
He would settle the seas, call your name on the breeze but these days, that won't do.

He waits for you to check your feelings,
his heart's still reeling.
He checks his compass for his bearing;
once so daring, once so true.

I could  say "you should fall", I could pray that you'll swoon.
I could hang all my hopes on the chin of the moon.

I wait for you to check your feelings,
my heart's still reeling.
I check my compass for it's bearing;
once so daring, once so true

but I know,  that won't do.
 
Written by Paul Vasey May 2019

Title: Re: That Won't Do
Post by: MichaelA on May 31, 2019, 08:51:15 PM

I think you missed out the song link mate.

Title: Re: That Won't Do
Post by: Wicked Deeds on May 31, 2019, 10:18:25 PM

Thanks Michael but this is in the lyrics section. No recording  exists as yet.

Paul

Title: Re: That Won't Do
Post by: MichaelA on May 31, 2019, 10:32:09 PM

Sorry Paul, I was just checking out the 'recent posts' thing and missed the category.

As for the lyrics, this is poignantly touching and a very sensitive set of words. You make the listener hope that something indeed will do so that happiness ensues. I'm sure this would make a really touching song!

Title: Re: That Won't Do
Post by: Paulski on June 03, 2019, 08:11:45 PM

"Chin of the moon" - what a great line - good imagery.
I like this one too Paul - you're on a roll lately.
Only sugg I have is to not change the hook phrase in the last line - and stick with "that ..."
Good work.  ;D

Paul

Title: Re: That Won't Do
Post by: Wicked Deeds on June 04, 2019, 02:18:07 AM

@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)  thanks for your comments. It's heart-warming to read that the lyrics made you hope for a positive outcome.  :-)

@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) "chin of the moon" - one of my favourites too. You know, I've been taking a break from writing lately but I always come back and simply follow my instincts. I guess, I've learned how to construct songs  over the years,. No matter how much time I take off, I always find my way. I am however, surprised that songs travel along different avenues after a break from writing and it gives me a buzz, holding my interest and inviting me to continue writing and finding new excitement in doing so. I've changed the final line to reflect your suggestion. I had considered that during the writing process.

Thanks

Paul