The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on April 20, 2019, 12:59:13 AM
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Hello
A late entry for the Exotic/Erotic Spring Quest.
I recently read this https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43450715-the-last-days-of-august :'(
The lovely Vicki @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) was kind enough to check the lyrics over for me and provided the dreamy backing vocals too :-*
The Last Day Of August
Her star shines so bright that
her wings become undone
August's been sailing
too close to the sun
The lights are going out now
all over Gristle Town
and the one time that she needs them to
no one lets her down
There'll be holidays and homecomings
sunshine in our hair
but it won't feel like summer
if August isn't there
A sigh carried off
on a stiffening breeze
and tears fall like rain through
the branches of the trees
Gonna make it back to Sherbrooke
no matter what it takes
if it's only as a whisper
and ashes on the lake
There'll be holidays and homecomings
sunshine in our hair
but it won't feel like summer
if August isn't there
A friend of mine - Simon Dent - played me a little 4-chord clip he'd recorded on his phone...and I promised/threatened to make a song of it. The lyrics took a while to dredge up...it's a pretty tragic story, bless her.
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@PaulAds did an amazing job with the mish-mash of vocables I sent him. I think it sounds great. I am truly privileged to have the chance to take part in this challenge. I haven't been able to do much with music since the middle of January, so this was a real treat for me. Today is the first day I was able to spend any time on any recording for what seems like a long time.
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Impressive track guys (and welcome back Vicky).
I always like the way your lyrics Paul allude to a bigger story if you pick up on the clues, but also work at a more surface level if you don’t (you could still enjoy this song if you just thought it was about the end of summer).
Nice Whiter-Shade-of-Pale organ break in the middle too, and the whole thing felt well paced with the BVs providing a nice bed for the lead lines. Good luck in the comp.
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Good old fashioned ballad..can't beat em!! 8) very sad..great lyrics as usual from one of the masters on this forum,
just felt it lacked an M8 :) :)
best, Kevin :)
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Great track, superb lyrics and slickly produced as we have come to expect. I’d say the same about the middle 8 but this just means we fit it into the folk genre as a storytelling piece. Really wonderfully done and welcome back Vicki!
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Great collab guys.
Fantastic lyrics....too close to the sun👍, if August isn't there👍
Well sung Paul and love the organ
An enjoyable listen.
Sandeep
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Love this guys, a real throwback
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Hi Paul and Vicki. This is absolutely lovely, clever and so so well done. I love the 50s influences, brilliant lyrics that can be interpreted some other way if you didn't know the story and fabulous arrangement and playing. Backing vocals are often not considered a major part of what makes a song stand out but this is a prime example of those oohs and aahs enhancing what is already a brilliant song. Top stuff both of you, I absolutely loved it :)
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Hey man i read your words this morning didn't listening till now got half way through but i stop it on this verse
There'll be holidays and homecomings
sunshine in our hair
but it won't feel like summer
if August isn't there
I'm thinking
There'll be no holidays and homecomings
Sunshine in our hair
And it won't feel like summer
For August isn't there
What i'm saying is if you didn't post the link we wouldn't have a clue what the song what about, sorry man just posting my thoughts here 8)
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Melancholic ballad style anthem sung really well, with a pretty strong melody too. The narrative lyric style you chose really suited the song.
I really liked that organ which created a real melodic foundation to the track, and the backing vocals added something special too.
Good luck in the comp! ;)
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That organ is fab.. The swing of this is great @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) .. Love the pace of the vocals (I could never slow it down that much - I’m impressed).. Nice BVs Vicki @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) ...
Lovely song and good luck in the comp!
K
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First off, very nice piece of music, perfectly paced and engaging. I like the way the backing vocals are really a full part of the song and not just support for something else. And the pause before ... if August is magic.
"The lake" is a touching line - I think I'd have gone into a (slightly longer) reflective solo there.
Just an observation re "no one lets her down" - it took a couple of listens to really get the sense. It's a clever and important line but maybe challengingly subtle for the casual listener (or possibly I just wasn't quick enough on the uptake).
Great song, definitely exotic enough... And wow, what a messed up story (all too common "behind the makeup" I'm sure).
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Amazing work guys :) What a sad story, but the lyrics relate it beautifully :'( I love the backup ohh's...they are such an important part part of the song...almost like Amy is crying in the background :'( Fantastic job on the vocals and production Paul :o You know how to put a song together 8)
You should share this with her husband :)
ps Great to have you back Vicky. Hope to hear more from you asap :)
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Beautiful!! great tone in that voice!
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Really good set of lyrics Paul...don't doubt you that it took a while.
Love the pace and the mix of voices. You're on top form there and Vicki sounds nice....lovely voice she's got....and how you've mixed them is just right...those 'oooh's in the intro set the atmosphere for the song right away...yes gives it a 50s feel at first....you don't give it a 50s feel so much though...bit more of a squeezy feel!
Instrumentation is nicely balanced...drums are good, love the soft, subtle organ as well as the solo....so subtle in fact that I'm not sure it was playing right through? Often find that backing organ can be too loud (I always make it too loud!)...it's a very 'big' sound that can cut through a lot.
Perfect for the last slow dance.....maybe not the usual lyrical content for one but who cares when you're that pissed!
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Absolutely beautiful guys ;D ;D . Love the arrangement, simple really...but so effective, and the bv's work a treat.
It all comes together so well......an excellent vehicle for your distinctive voice Paul.
Top stuff guys....loved it ;D ;D
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Whato, just listening...nice BVox..and tambourine...a bit Elvis Costello...
Great Vocal delivery, I think the compression from SoundCloud was playing a few pumping tricks...
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Yo Paul and Vicki.
I love the old Rock & Roll feel to this. Paul's lyrics and vocals are,as ever,on point and a great listen.
Vicki's BVs add to that old R&R vibe.
I dig. 8)
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A beautiful song Paul. The no worries chord structure adds a layer of melancholy. A worn down cheerfulness.
The lyrics have a presence and meaning that brings me down in a good way.
Martin