The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulyX on April 16, 2019, 09:29:09 PM
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https://soundcloud.com/commodore-64/yamanote-sen/s-eGCzO
Hello mates
Well here's a last minute entry for the Spring Quest... a bit of a daft curiosity piece really, but the quest felt like a chance to do something different, and it's the taking part, innit? :'(
The claim to exoticness is that it's in Japanese. It's an auditory map of the Yamanote Line, which is the train line that runs in a big circle around Tokyo, and just keeps going almost 24 hours a day. The lyrics are mostly just a complete list of the station names, in order, so it ain't my deepest piece but hey, it might come in useful if you are ever lost in Tokyo and want to catch the right train home. :)
Good luck to all in the quest.
Paul
Lyrics:
Sa, norimasho (Well, let's get on board)
Shinagawa
Osaki
Gotanda
Meguro
Ebisu
Shbuya
Harajuku
Yoyogi
Shinjuku
Shinokubo
Takadanobaba
Mejiro
Ikebukuro
Otsuka
Sugamo
Enkei no yamanote sen (The circular Yamanote line)
Kuru kuru mawaru (Goes round and round)
Atama karapo dakedo (My head is empty but)
Kaiten suru (Keeps turning over)
Guru guru suru (And keeps going round and round)
Komagome
Tabata
Nishi-Nippori
Nippori
Uguisudani
Ueno
Okachimachi
Akihabara
Kanda
Tokyo
Yurakucho
Shinbashi
Hamamatsucho
Tamachi
Mata, Shinagawa
Go josha arigato gozaimasu (Thanks for riding)
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Well that is some fantastically original track @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) It's going to be hard to trump in terms of that.The Japanese language is amazingly rhythmic and lends itself to a song like this. I've never been to Japan but I did once import a Mazda Bongo from Japan which included the former owners CD collection, loose change and dog ends. I spent a year listening to the Japanese CDs before I got round to changing the player. We also had a lovely Japanese student lodger named Nao (pronounced Now) Made things rather confusing at times ;D Fantastic originality as usual and a top quality song
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Definitely exotic and very clever.
Great production, love all the ear candy.
Enjoyable and fun.
Sandeep
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Well, this is brilliant and clever! Felt like I was in a Nintendo 64 games with that gaming sound in the verses :) You sing really good in Japanese as well.
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WOW! that was very different! It should a movie soundtrack. Are you actually saying all the names and singing in Japanese? Pretty amazing if you are :o It's got a very laid back vibe, almost hypnotic 8) I actually really like this song :-* It's very well produced. Great entry :)
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Brilliant. Original. If you hadn't´t told me what it was about, I could have thought someone was giving me life advice.
Nothing to say except excellent entry.
EDIT - turn the drums down a tad and make it public ;D
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PaulyX,
Very imaginative, should be on a soundtrack.
Interesting experiment that really worked.
:-)
Neil
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Not heard much like that in here! Very cool. The combination of instruments and japanese made me think of Can but it's much more poppy than that.
Loved the mix of guitars and keyboards. Strong stuff!
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Absolutely brilliant! I hope you win!!!
Check this out.... it's french https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xE0hmDwzXyw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xE0hmDwzXyw)
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Aw, thanks for the encouraging feedback guys... I thought you'd all think it was stoopid.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) love your Mazda story. I once inherited Shirley Bassey's Greatest Hits in a second hand Honda CD player too. It was epic (the CD, less so the car).
@Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528) and @Younger Hills (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) thanks a lot for listening and kind words guys!
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) Ta very much Suzy. Yeah it's me doing the narration, I used to live there and Mrs PaulyX is from Japan so I picked up a few basic words of the lingo. She'd probably say my pronunciation is terrible though.
@MartynRich (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20533) Thanks for the good pointers... I did what you said, nudged the drums back a bit and sharpened up the mix slightly. Thanks for the detailed feedback.
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) thanks fella, I appreciate that a lot.
@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223) Thanks. I haven't tried Can at all yet but they are definitely on my "must explore" list... Damo Suzuki, right? Any recommendations where to start?
@dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829) Loved that Yamasuki track! Thanks for the tip... some buried treasure there.
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I don't think I've ever listened to an entire Japanese song, but how could I NOT listen to the end?
Ultra cool piece of art this - gonna be hard to beat :D
Paul
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Yoku dekimashita.
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Excellent stuff!
Verses are amazingly good in particular.
Brilliant concept for the "exotic" theme and my immediate thought was that this will be very hard to beat.
I've never had any fancy for going to Japan, really...perhaps it's because they're supposedly very fond of hard work and doing things properly :)
A great track!
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Wowser, if anyone calls me quirky ever again, I'll know where to send them!
I really like Japanese sonically - I'm a big fan of Hizaki and Versailles - there's something particularly satisfying about the "U" sound which feels very unique (ü-nique).
The verses gave me a real "Eskimo... Arapaho..." feeling which is such an unexpected East-West fusion (also shades of the footie results reader with the inflections). The choruses sounded more Japanese somehow - but still your voice, so also somehow homely.
By the way, this isn't last minute. Last minute is Tuesday when I will probably be begging to be let in with my half mixed half considered piece of twaddle.
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@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - thanks so much for the listens & comments.
Some of you have been kind enough to call this original - and I was hoping it was weird enough a concept that it would be. But then I get home this weekend and play it to Mrs PaulyX and she informs me there's a whole flippin' sub-genre of people singing about the Yamanote Line! I had no idea but a quick Google reveals these for example:
Dang. So what do I do... rewrite it to be about something else even weirder? Or live with it? I'm heading over to The Bar now to drown my sorrows on this topic...
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this is quite strange
lol,
I really like it, it sounds effortless.
I think I've got a bit of a thing for asian women.
Great song, BTW. Well done n' good luck with the competition!
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Hi
I'm sure i only had one pint of cider with the Forest match (should have had more as they were rubbish as usual.) - but now I'm doubting it.
I'm sure i just checked out 3 songs about a train line. :D Could have been some weird dream.
Creative work from an unusual source - just goes to show there's plenty to inspire out there.
Yours was much better than the 2 vids posted in the thread.
My favourite line was the one that sounds like "Catchy Monkey."
Shane McGowan mentioned at 2.05?
Weird and strangely wonderful.
Digger
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Very clever!! Works beautifully. Your Japanese sounds perfectly good to me :-). Huge thumbs up for the originality alone - the whole thing works really well... brill delivery!
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Very imaginative @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) , a track that really pulls you into it for quite a submersive experience. Great to see intelligence and cool tunes go hand in hand!
Nice accent too! ;)
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Yo Pauly.
I listened to this 15 days ago and I thought I had commented on the thread,but my hols must have scrambled my brains! ::)
A brilliant concept and a solid,grooving backdrop. Absolutely love it!
A clever boy you are! 8)
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Curious but not daft in any way Pauly.
Nice relaxing groove which gets you in its grip easily...the 'announcements' are kind of calming too...not how I expect I'd be feeling if I was on this train unless it was empty and I was just basking in the luxury of it!
Massively original concept and if there was a prize for that this would definitely win. edit...ok so it isn't then....no novelty prize then!
Now, with your regular vocal you've got to do the Circle Line...perhaps a series including the Paris Metro etc.
(Totally irrelevant. Every time I see this anywhere on the forum I think it says Yosemite Sam....for a split second...)
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Man, I was feeling kinda down tonight, and this put a big smile on my face. It's brilliant. Love it. Haha. The electric kazoo is fantastic. Really great song. Made me feel better about the world.