The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on April 15, 2019, 08:13:27 AM
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I wrote this about two years ago at the beginning of my sound design course.
It was at the end of a time of highly productive creativity.
This cubase treatment went quickly enough, getting the vocals took a while.
This is definitely the last track of my album "imaginaries".
I hope you like it.
Feedback would be much appreciated
The link:
https://soundcloud.com/rightly/stay-strong-find-a-way-to-give
The lyrics:
Stay Strong, Find a Way to Give
________________stay strong________________
keep the genie in the bottle
find a way to live
n' before too long
________________we'll see________________
it is not easy
I have been there
n' it's still in me
they keep on coming back for more
they'll keep on coming back until there is. no. more
________________good luck_______________
with them there newspapers
back to front graffiti,
coin in the cup
_____________down-strum_______________
doesn't ask forgiveness
nothing above y'
you're older than the sun
n' they'll keep on coming back for more
n' these multitudes of broken hearts are all yours
stay strong, find a way to live
stay strong, try to find a way to give
find a way to. . .
_________________vampires________________
find a way to bleed you
stripped of all pretense
(y'know) somehow they need you
______________they're in there________________
in your system
despite all efforts
to resist them
they' tearin' up the disco-dirty floor
they keep on coming back until there is. no. more
stay strong, find a way to live
stay strong, try to find a way to give
find a way to give
_________________________________
rightly.
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Another clever song Rightly.
Flows very nicely and that bass gives the song a cool momentum.
Has hints of David Bowie around the Scary Monsters era.
Great lyrics and delivery.
Enjoyed this
Sandeep
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Another clever song indeed @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) Maybe a bit more mainstream than your last few submissions. I love that pumping bass riff and the screechy guitar riff underpinned by the organ. I'm getting a Talking Heads vibe to this one. Your vocals are very effective here and very confident in their delivery.
Lyrics as always are exquisite, original and absorbing.
I'm really looking forward to getting hold of your album when it's available. Do keep us all posted :)
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your best song yet IMHO..I s'pose it's because it's a more commercial sound...loved the end and the general arrangement was excellent and as per usual your lyrics are peerless...my only nit is that the vocal had some very harsh frequencies in it..bit of dynamic eq in the right area would sort it nicely..
best, Kevin :)
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I like this! Good bass-sound going through the song, cool guitar sound, and the lyrics are very original
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Some absolutely killer lyrics in this.. things like the backwards graffiti and the coin in the cup... as usual I love your crypticness. Like Sandeep I was picking up a bit of Bowie circa Lodger / Scary Monsters... think it is that fractured guitar sound. I'm in two minds about the rather jolly fairground bassline, but it's certainly an unusual combo with that rough guitar.
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I love the song - extreme inventiveness musically and lyrically as usual. It´s different for you with the processed vocals, I´m not sure I prefer them as you have a very distinctive original voice as it is. They still sound great though. Some of the riffs filling in between lines are superbly melodic and original, and the ending harmonics are a great way to end.
I´m afraid I don´t go for the drums, they´re just a straight beat throughout, and don´t do the rest of the music justice (maybe I´m reacting like a Dylan fan when he went electric though).
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Okay... so apparently i'm the only person whom didn't like the bass. On my system it barely makes a rumble (like... next to nothing).
That aside.... I disagree it's commercial sounding BUT this is still uniquely you and your stuff is always a good listen. Great lyrics too.
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Yeah, getting that restless late 70s bowie feel about the sound. Lovely blistering processing on that synth/guitar thing.
Great sound crafting and cool listen!
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Okay... so apparently i'm the only person whom didn't like the bass. On my system it barely makes a rumble (like... next to nothing).
That aside.... I disagree it's commercial sounding BUT this is still uniquely you and your stuff is always a good listen. Great lyrics too.
@dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829)
I wasn't sure if I liked the bass line myself.
Still I wanted to try out something new. Now I'm pleased with it.
authentic lyrics, (what I consider) Folky chords, a passionate vocal and a video game like bass line.
It goes quite well with my new mental haircut, I rock out to it. lol.
It seems to work on other folks systems.
I've listened to it on various devices and it sounds just fine to me.
I don't mind you not liking this particular track, I appreciate the feedback, maybe you'll like the next song.
Thanks for the words of encouragement! happy easter!
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Hi
Yeah, liking this. I like the sonic quality of the guitar sound with the vocals.
I get Bowie too - a good thing.
It has an album track quality to it - one of those gems you discover if you steer off the hit single path for a while.
Refreshingly different.
Digger
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thanks @digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823)
I took those comments to heart
it was a lucky thing to get that guitar sound.
This song will be the opener of my latest album.
I don't strive to be different or unique, if it is then so be it.
'appy easter!
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I too like that bass.. lyrics strong and sound original ... business as usual then @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219). Really enjoyed this.. particularly the vocal..
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@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) Hey i didn't say i didn't like it!! Just not the bass line.
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I too like that bass.. lyrics strong and sound original ... business as usual then @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219). Really enjoyed this.. particularly the vocal..
Thanks monnoDB.
I must have played this quote a lot on the acoustic, the vocals seemed quite easy.
I remember doing about three takes in a studio, went for a beer then went back for another two tries.
I'm not a bass player, though I like to hear good bass. With this I ready to do something I'd not tried before.