The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: dinnerwithgreedo on March 23, 2019, 06:38:14 PM
-
## Soppy love song alert ##
Lyrics
Wrote a love song for you
Wrote it straight from the heart
But I know that you can't feel the same
So I won't so sing that love song to you
So I wrote this instead
Coz I want to tell you
That I'm finding it hard to catch a breathe
When I'm looking at pictures of you
Though it's not been very long
Since I first met you
I've wanted to write a song, all along
To thank you for what butterflies can do.
So I want to know
Even though we're far apart
If you ever feel blue, what you do
Is remember you're always in my heart
Instrumental Version
No Strings
-
Hey Greedo, sweet little track. Somehow it reminded me of The Beatles' "Her Majesty", in its melody and brevity probably.
Well your voice sounds great.
I'm not normally one for a straight up love song, so rather than the lyrics I was enjoying the picking and balance with the strings. Because it's so short I'd say you have everything you need here, trying to cram in anything else would seem artificial and detract from the purity of it.
-
hi dwg
beautiful love song and vocal
nice mix sweet guitar subtle strings
this and a previous track of yours remind me of 60s west coast band spirit
great sound
really good listen
-
A thing of beauty! But I would tinker - I think even given the theme it could do with a bigger vocal to match the lushness if the backing , more low end and reverb? In fact I could really hear this as a Mumford style folk stomper, with percussion and all gradually coming in.
You don’t need to tinker though, it’s a great song and sometimes simplicity is best.
-
A very nice folky love song. At first it reminded me of being at an acoustic stage in Trowbridge on a Sunday afternoon - perfect with a plastic cup of cider. The acoustic is excellent and I really love the single violin at the start. There is also a lovely 7th chord just before the 3rd verse...I think there is a load of scope to extend this more though and personally, I would keep the single violin rather than doubling up - it had such a sweet sound to it. Overall however, really good songwriting and I loved the lyrics!
-
Hi Dwg. Lovely simplicity and honesty. Reminded me of something that Macca might do. Absolutely lovely
-
yes really neat tune here pretty and heartfelt.
Acoustics sounding great and I like the strings.
My only thought was around the vocal production, it didn't quiet gel with the upfrontness of the guitars, maybe a little room would help.
Anyway going to have a second listen.
:-)
neil
-
There is great beauty in the simplicity of the performance, choice of instruments and lyrics. The string section gives this song a great lift. No surprises, on offer but it let's the listener know that the writing is accomplished. It must be a lovely feeling when someone writes a beautiful song for them.
Paul.
-
That's a really nice theme, this butterflies thing and the love song is simple but honest and genuine and all the better for it.
Yeah, having read the comments as the accompaniment is sparse I too would have maybe gone for the single violin or maybe cello.
But you've created a sweet thing here and the discussion about the salad dressing is a side issue. Cool!
-
Hi I really like the guitar playing on this sounds really nice. The vocals remind me a little of Neil Young when he sings very softly. Lyrics fit together too.
-
Yo DWG.
Charming and delightful,honest and sweet,is what I wrote on your cloud and it sums up the song perfectly.
I hear what Pauly says about the Beatles connection,I can hear Macca singing this for sure.
Love songs are not my thing at all,but lyrically this manages to avoid the cheese and like a cute puppy,it's impossible to dislike.
Good work man. 8)
-
I AM usually one for a straight-up love song and this delivers on so many levels. I really like your music, first of - those double-tracked picking guitars are irresistible and love the simple strings. This ticks all the boxes musically. You don't go overboard on the arrangement and let everything have it's place and it all shines as a result.
Lyrically, it does the job, too. It's quite traditional and to the point which is nice. Maybe a little too much, though? I feel like it ends just as it gets going. You could benefit from a couple extra verses, or maybe just one, where the music drops back to just you and the guitar again. To thank you for what butterflies can do is a lovely refrain.
Because I think this is a great tune I am going to be more picky than I usually am with the vocal performance. I think you can easily deliver a killer one but you waiver a little bit in places.
"
"Though it's not been VERY long/ Since I FIRST met you." You're a touch flat on the capitalised words.
"Even though we're far apart." You don't quite nail the run-up notes.
There are some other places where it can be chalked up to personal preference. Sometimes an uneasy vocal is intentional. But this are the places to me it strayed a little.
Once again, great tune.
-
This is beautiful, Greedo! The lyrics are touchy and yet so simple. It is easy listening and the melody is beautiful. The strings give a little more flavor to the song and the guitar picking is top notch. Well done!
-
Lovely song @dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829) ... Its so hard (for me) to write a straight love song.. This works beautifully.. lyrics great and you have a lovely melody going on there. Strings work very well.. All in all a great production - loved it! It's short but long enough :)!
K
-
Wow! Thank you all SO MUCH! I didn't think this song would get so much praise. I almost didn't post it!
Thanks again.
-
Hi,
This is a beautiful, simple, elegant love song. Lovely guitar and strings, super melody and a sweet vocal. Maybe a little more weight to the vocal would improve it but other than that, a gem of a song.
M
-
Great strings in the song.
Lovely melody and heartfelt.
A enjoyable and warming listen
Sandeep
-
Thanks Sandeep
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) I understand what you mean about the vocal. I chose to leave it that way though as i wanted it to sound like i just picked up the guitar and was singing it (to the woman it's about). It's supposed to sound kinda nervous. But maybe i should just re-record it.
-
Blimey
What a sweet voice you have!.
lovely choice of instruments.
quite simple and effortlessly gets to the point.
I can't suggest any changes in the production.
keeping it simple was the best choice. Very effective.