The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: adamfarr on March 14, 2019, 10:45:13 AM
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Hi All - new song from me (at last!). Some might recall the basic words from last year's lyrics competition (see here (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=15517.msg148467#msg148467) if curious to see the evolution).
It's about meeting someone totally out of your league, but thinking 'let's go with it', even though inevitably the next day you'll feel like, well, hit by an asteroid.
Specific and constructive comments always welcome!
Many thanks.
The Meteor
Verses
You burst into the room
Like a frigate's crew
Rocking a quiet saloon
I stopped fast in my tracks
Like a silent lamb
Sensing a wolf’s attack
Words my trusty defence
Didn’t dare expect
Your warmth upon my neck
PRE-CH1
Tonight let's devour the oyster
Though in the morning I know
I'll have nothing to show except an empty shell
CH
So tomorrow you’ll be gone
Because you'll still be
The meteor, the meteor
So tomorrow I'd prefer
To be the bird, shaken not stirred
But yet again I'll probably be
The dinosaur, the dinosaur
Verse
Your hair entered my night
Perfumed with a life
That seemed not quite like mine
PRE-CH2
Tonight, spraying champagne bubbles
Though in the morning I know
I'll have nothing to show except a damp puddle
CH
BRIDGE
FINAL CH
(c) Adam Farr, 2018-2019, all rights reserved
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Think this is great Adam. Love the lyrics, paint a great picture. I love the lines "Tonight, spraying champagne bubbles
Though in the morning I know
I'll have nothing to show except a damp puddle"
Musically, there are some interesting and effective chord progressions. It reminded me of something by Belle & Sebastian might do and also echoes of something off the Cherry Red "Pillows & prayers" compilation. The solo although relatively simple is really effective - The best type of solo's as far as I'm concerned. Good job on the bv's as well. Like the counter melody you've used in contrast to the lead vocs. It's a grower as well for sure. Just on my 3rd listen. Great stuff as usual Adam, I always enjoy listening to your work as it is always varied and interesting
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Great lyrics but I found the phrasing of them a little strange so the song doesn't work for me but then..I'm pretty strange myself...
but really good lyrics :)
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Yo Adam.
This is very definitely you. Your style is unmistakable,keep it that way. 8)
In the 70s I used to listen to a lot of music well off the beaten track and there always was a place for it. Sadly these days,if it's not whatever the current acceptable formula is in vogue,then folk are dismissive.
Happily,technology also allows folk to be honest and true to themselves and once again truly original compositions are out there.
Keep the fires burning Adam. :)
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I really like the guitar sound you open with Adam... I thought it was a piano at first... and the bass sounds a bit like a tuba (I don't mean this disparagingly - I like a lot the way they aren't typical sounds you have gone for!). And the lyrics of course... some great turnarounds like the champagne turning into a puddle. I didn't spot the link between meteors and dinosaurs until the sound effect at the end - clever! (And I never noticed that "meteor" rhymes with "dinosaur" before.) Backing sounds a bit muffled? But then again I kinda liked that, gave it more of a woozy indie vibe. Nice middle 8 vocal multi tracking and I like the way the instruments leap back in.
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Great lyrics! My favourite line I think is the "shaken not stirred" line although it has tough competition.
I love your style - that a cappella part coming into the last chorus is fantastic. Lots of treats for the ear to be frank - ending is also great. Can you tell I'm reviewing as I listen :).. to recap. It's fab!
K
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Whato @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - Really like this, it exposes your musicality nicely, no MOR stuff here.
Since the LVox sound a little exposed, you might want to put a whiff of verb on them, but I guess you tried that since the opening Gtr has it on, you wouldn't need much at all, so little you probably wouldn't notice it was there, just to take the dryness off, might be tempted to stick a warm pre amp sim on it, and some 'air' too.
A breath of fresh Oyster, thanks for a lovely Saturday morning listen.
Reminds me a bit of Stornaway.
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) is right you have a style of your own Adam.
cpm
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I love that kind of lo-fi rhythm guitar, and its counter melody riffing esp in the verse, very English Quirky and just perfect for this.
That vocal soloing really surprised me but with the tight harmonies worked very well. Intelligent lyrics too. Good work!
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Hi Adam. This is great. In my opinion this is your best song yet. It’s a classic 80s indie tune. Has flavours of Galaxie 500. Are they an inspiration? I’m loving the melodies and the lyrics are decent.
I do think you need to tinker with the mix and perhaps publish different versions of this song. It will be worth your while as this song deserves multiple treatments.
If I wrote something this good I would do a few different vocal versions and vary the delivery a bit so you can pick the best result further down the line.
There is one slight jar in the vocal levels at .36/37. The vocals seem to rise in loudness when you sing “your neck”. Maybe you moved closer to the microphone at this point? Perhaps add a touch of reverb to smooth things out.
The other thing I would consider is bringing the arpeggio guitar hook at 3.23 forwards by a verse or two. It’s great and doesn’t get a long enough run in the song in my book.
Hope you get a chance to work further on this. Cheers Micky
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Good stuff Adam!
Top lyrics, the performance is strange in the best way.
The song really draws me back
Meteor - dinosaur...
Very clever.
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Heya Adam!
Aha reading your description "about meeting someone totally out of your league" I immediately thought about The Most Normal Thing - you must be a dreamer :)
The lyrics are really interesting, they ooze a sort of wisdom, and combining that with having shorter lines/verses makes them feel really powerful. Your lyrics always contain prestige but in different ways, these are nothing like your previously mentioned ^ - and that's awesome.
Listening, I'm conflicted. The music, but mostly your vocal over the verses up until the chorus sound really special, brings memories of Bloc Party's Hymns album. We hit the pre & chorus which builds up nicely into a celebrative mood, but then I realise we're only a minute in to a 4 minute track; and there's only 1 beautiful verse left! Listened a few times and can't figure out anything constructive for rearrangement, but it does feel a pity to pass the verses so quickly.
Perhaps you've it just right to leave us wanting more.
Really cool vibe overall, enjoy the little bits of backing vocal and breaks are very effective.
All the best,
Scott
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I love this, Adam.
Lyrics are super, but I think it's the way you put it all together that makes it special.
There's a very strong unconventional element to your songs which gives the listener something they couldn't get anywhere else. It's not preening and polished and that's a big part of its charm.
I often feel stuck in the rut of my more conventional approach...whereas you're able to come from a totally different angle.
Great song!
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I don´t know what to add that hasn't´t already been said but I love this song. I wasn´t convinced during the first verse but it really was very cool. And what was that Steeleye Span break all about? But the way, explosions are always cool things to end songs with, especially as, if I´m guessing correctly, they make dinosaurs extinct?
One negative - you should tighten up the bass, it does go a bit loose in places. Apart from that, all superb!
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Hi Adam,
Some great lyrics which others have already mentioned and this ploughs it's own furrow in an original and very eccentric English way. Reminds me of John Otway and he had a record contract and hit records back in the days when such things made it past the corporate wall. Not my thing but I couldn't replicate this.
M
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Hi Adam really interesting! The lyrics are very unique, the sound of the opening guitar chords and bass is really smooth love it! The vocals build up nicely throughout the song, I would be interested to hear what the verse vocals sound like with a bit of lofi saturation/distortion like the Strokes and maybe some added echo like Foster the People use on Pumped up Kicks. . Also at 1:34 - 1.35 it might help the transition to add a soft splash cymbal, to my ear it sounds like the singing part on "dinosaur" gets cut off. Of course that could be the sound you have in your head and in that case I would not want to discourage you from changing anything!
Well done mate :)
Sonny
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Hi Adam,
Great to hear a new track from you mate. Lots to like, lyrics fab, music nice, vocals nice. Cool little solo and my fave bit was the Accapella bit.
I thought the first verse had one too many stanzas if I’m honest. It reads fine, but I just wanted to hear something different melodically after the first two parts...I felt the pre c should have come in after “wolfs attack”.
Like I said I loved the Accapella, but I wasn’t crazy about the way/the rhythm that you sang the chorus afterwards...I would have preferred the same meter as the previous choruses. Diff strokes for diff folks and all that!😊👍🏻
I enjoyed my listens mate and I’m sure there’s a female out there writing a song about you being out of HER league!😜🎶👊🏻🎶👍🏻
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Hi Adam
Interesting (and quirky!) lyrics are the star for me here.
Cool zigs and zags in the arrangement too - a lot of work!
I enjoyed listening - keep at it ;D
Paul
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Thanks everyone for great comments. Funnily, I don't actually consider myself that unconventional. Though I do have a phobia against generic and pointless songs, so I'd much rather get those comments than "Nice but heard it all before".
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) thanks a million, especially re the solo (not my strong point!). Cherry Red and as someone said C86 are really in my music DNA.
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) I kind of know what you're saying re the phrasing but this was really the only way it sounded right to me. Thanks for listening!
@skub thanks for being always supportive - I think now I am not only getting more confident in doing things my way, but also more competent at making them sound that way too.
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) thanks for the detailed listen. On the sounds, I'm not being deliberately different, I just play until things sound right to me. It's definitely true that this works better if you know that the non-avian dinosaurs are supposed to have died out from an asteroid strike (do not assume, right?). If not, it still works but then seems even more "out there".
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) glad you liked it, especially the lyrics which are my only talent (well, possibly BVs as well). Many thanks!
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) - thanks for the input. The pre/chorus vocals are quite "wet" but I deliberately tried to get a "closer" sound on the verses. Maybe too dry. Anyhow, thanks for the encouragement.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) glad you appreciated - those verse chords are my Everything but the Girl wannabe sounds, many thanks for listening.
@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769) - thanks for the really detailed review. Galaxie 500 is a good call - not deliberate but I think they were referred to as sounding like Jonathan Richman backed up by the Velvet Underground which sounds about right. I definitely come from the Dean Wareham school of vocals i.e. "making the best of what you have". The first demo for this was made in July 2018, and this is the 3rd vocal version (thankfully I replaced the Spandau Ballet foghorn version) comped together from a million takes. I don't know whether I've got the heart to go back to it! Maybe I will. Thanks for the support.
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) - thanks for listening and commenting. I am strange in a more confident way these days.
@Scottlevi - thanks for the detail. Yes, noone seems to do insecure angst-ridden songs like I do! Interesting that you liked the verses best. I kind of liked stretching out the first section and having a quick revisit, just enough to end the story. Many thanks!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) - not so long ago I would have hated being unique and unpolished but nowadays that's what I am happiest doing. (Except for lyrics, I have to polish those). Thanks for the encouragement. I'm still evolving, but probably not changing much any more.
@Martynrich thanks so much. Fair comment re the bass, I enjoy it but find it tough.
@Montydog I think our things will never really be each others' things, if you know what I mean! Thanks for taking a listen and finding some positives.
@SonnyandtheDark many thanks for the detailed comments. I'll check that cut. I did have a Strokes vibe in mind at one point. Glad you appreciated, anyhow.
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) thanks for that. I have to agree that it takes quite a long time to get to the pre/chorus - but I couldn't leave the story half way... Spot on re the final chorus, originally it was all like that and I redid them - except the last one as that worked better for and after the acapella. Thanks!
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) Quirky, moi? Thanks for taking a listen - more to come for sure.
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Adam,
cool indie tune with its little twists and turns kept me interested with the change in chords and rhythms and interesting lyrics.
Like the solo and when you cut to your harmonies towards the end, and obviously the ending
:-)
neil
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Sorry man im not use to this lay out 8)
PRE-CH1 Brilliant but im hearing two verses rushing into it
Will listen more 8)
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Sorry to a little late to this one @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) :-[ I love it and you've done an amazing job with the arrangement/production :)
This should be sung in musical play 8) The lyrics are excellent and I love the way you sing them and the BV's are perfectly executed :)
A well deserved nomination for March's SOTM 8)
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Hey,
I love the way you sing. I hear some of the Velvet Underground here sometimes. Maybe you're Nico as a man ;)
That's a really good song, great melody and sound.
I really like the end too, when everything seems to crumble.
Good stuff !
IS
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Enjoyed the general feel of this one musically - might take a few listens to get into the lyrics.
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Great Tune Adam.
Love the guitars....they make the song ....almost happy😀
Love the lyrics, they have a real Indie feel
Good guitar solo in the end, the accapella section is good too.
Enjoyable listen
Sandeep
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Hi Adam,
Interesting lyrics; I like the poetic quality to them - not straight in your face - "You're beautiful, but too good for me, but let's see how this goes."
People can conjure their own images from your allusions.
I like the vocal breakdown towards the end.
And what a finish.
Digger
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Just a quick thanks to all who listened and commented (getting a song of the month nomination got a few extra ones which is great). Channeling my inner "Nico as a man" ;D