The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on March 07, 2019, 01:26:11 PM
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@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) came up with a set of lyrics about the awful wave of knife crime that seems to be sweeping across the UK. I mangled them a bit and we came to this sticky end.
Neil is a top man :)
Our great pal, John @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) chipped in with a brilliant idea for some backing vocals as well...so we dragged him up to the microphone too... Cheers!
Anyway... Here we go
Under The Knife
We can’t help but worry
Every time the door slams
We wonder if
You’re going to make it home
As the curtains start to twitch
And the flats are all locked down
And a local anaesthetic numbs
The law enforcement over London Town
You don’t need to worry
I know just what I’m doing
Though it’s shiny
It’s mostly just for show
We fly under the radar
No-one needs to know
And all the guys are carrying one
But no one wants to go
Under the knife
For the handful who might remember me
On the pavement where I stumbled into surgery
Didn’t let you down…didn’t have no fear
As an organ donor I might just make it out of here
No one needs to worry
Emergency responders
Kill the sirens
Check for vital signs
And their zipping up the bag
As they leave the scene of crime
Post-mortem preparations
For going one last time
Under the knife
Connor/Crasher
We hope you like it...and thanks for listening!
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Woa proper tune! Like everything, the vocals, lyrics, chorus, backing vocals. The way the tension builds up from beginning to end :D Should be a classic. Listening to it now third time in a row with excitement.
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Guys,
Loving this, Brilliant indie feel, right up my street.
Love the baseline as it drives it along and the lead that runs with it.
Massive thumbs up here.
Well done guys
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Great indie track...fab lyrics and a rocking bass with some proper melodic indie guitars. Really enjoyed it...including the backing vox (although I can´t understand a word of them). Excellent.
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This is a fabulous track guys although I'm probably a bit biased as I have listened to it a lot before and after getting the bv's together. Lyrics are spot on and unfortunately very on topic. This shit is seriously getting out of hand :( Love the way the lyrics follow the story to the post mortem. Musically, brilliant bouncy Indie pop with that driving Ricky bass and police siren riff. Great vocals delivered with passion and honesty. Just the sort of music I like.
Btw @MartynRich (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20533) I thought you understood Covspeak 8) But to answer your question the lines are...
You won't be coming home...
They left you on your own...
I can imagine the whole thing happening outside the Dog & Trumpet on a Saturday night
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Yay! Great post-punk edgy sound here. Bit Joe Jackson, bit Stiff Little Fingers, very you three. That fat relentless bass right on the edge of being too loud is super. Loads of energy but yet poignant too. I also really like the BVs but couldn't decipher them either (not that that really distracted as the melody was ace).
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Great.
Very clever metaphor and,very sharp observations.
I grew up where the dudes had knives.
Feelings of frustration and impotency amongst the young uns, coupled with badly chosen idols of masculinity were rife.
I was lucky to have sustained only a few injuries before realising the opportunity to escape forever, with pride intact.
I think Elvis Costello would envy you for this.
Good work.
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Huge bass really gives a full sound. Possibly competing a little with the vocal at times (vocal reverb could maybe do with a little high pass on it).
I love the BV counter-melody, noone really does that any more, so cool.
There's a real drive and urgency in the arrangement and tempo which really suits the theme. Open heart surgery in the street, WTF.
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As you were not so gracious about my lyric Strange Affliction I thought I would check this track out, I did and it is not bad at all (obviously the lyric could be better, lol) pretty good job overall though, nice Indie feel, production and vocal all good, well done from me. Geoff.
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As you were not so gracious about my lyric Strange Affliction I thought I would check this track out, I did and it is not bad at all (obviously the lyric could be better, lol) pretty good job overall though, nice Indie feel, production and vocal all good, well done from me. Geoff.
:)
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Yo Guys.
What a great song!
Paul's and Neil's crafty and clever lyrics,doubled with that post punk rocking' feel and that chugging precision bass (Am I right?) make it a great repeat listen.
It's a classic. Old pomps was born to do those BVs.
Love everything about it. 8)
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Yeah, very good song about a very topical subject...should be played on all news broadcasts as they open with some more tragic news..
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Thanks everyone for the encouraging feedback and to Paul ( and indeed PJ ) who took on the challenge. I just felt I had to write about the appalling loss of young life..
:-)
Neil
ps Skub, I think he's got a Ricky bass...
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That driving guitar is the glue that holds the body of this together so well. Plus the catchy chorus really comes to life with those great BVs, huge wall of sound!
Clever stuff!
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Oh yes I really like this. The guitars are fab but also love that vocal delivery (including BVs) - works perfectly with the vibe of the song. The feeling pushes through - really well done. Great subject matter too - there are quite a few songs bouncing around the forum with interesting and challenging themes. Love that...
This is really great!
K
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As others have said, this has a great indie feel. Superb combination of lyrics, musical setting and vocals. Brilliantly played and very catchy and topical. This is a truly great collab which showcases all the contributors brilliantly. Its a bit of a Bobby Dazzler.
M
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Really enjoyable tune.
Great Indie feel, love the guitars and the bass too.
Love the vocals and the backing chorus too.
Great lyrics, topical, something we are all concerned about.
Great listen.
Sandeep
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I love it!! The contrast of light music but dark lyrics is especially fab!! I LOVE the title, clever lyrics. Pompey idea of backing vocals makes for an excellent hook.
Teamwork makes the Dream Work fellas!!! 🎶👊🏻🎶👊🏻🎶👊🏻🎶😁
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Just ran into this on SoundCloud on a random scan. Was with it from the moment those guitar came in at a the start.
Powerful stuff, cracking lines like "On the pavement where I stumbled into surgery". Top work boys!
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A big Thank You :) to everyone who had a listen and/or commented...very much appreciated!
Very pleased you liked it...it was great to do something with Neil again!
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Hey Pauls, Neil!
What a dream-team!
Very prominent lyrics for the current times, sadly. They hit deep too, a sensitive subject done justice with the delicate but powerful phrasing and foreshadowing. "Though it's shiny, it's mostly just for show".
1 Line chorus' seldom convince me but am completely on-board here, can't think there could be any replacement. Backing vocals were a great idea though and fantastically executed and mixed.
And honestly I couldn't pick anyone more appropriate to take on those lyrics, and you've outdone yourself here Paul. You have the perfect attitude for taking these on but the finesse shows a real care which combines so well here.
Keep it up!
Scott.
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Hello,
It's a good track. I think it is well composed.
The voice has character. There may be a little too much reverb on the voice for me.
Good mix and good drum sound too.
IS