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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on March 01, 2019, 10:34:55 PM

Title: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: rightly on March 01, 2019, 10:34:55 PM
I wrote this many moons ago after coming out of a difficult phase.
Looking back I tried to say the words I needed to hear.
Originally the song was picked on acoustic guitar and it was so difficult to play that shelved it.

I rearranged this for cubase and very recently I put my vocals on it.
The song has been with me for about nine years from this date.

Feedback would be appreciated.

The link ~

https://soundcloud.com/rightly/dont-let-them-see-you-cry

And the words ~



Don't Let Them See You Cry


If you feel the same I'll come around
To catch some tv or to paint the town
And in a while you will feel better
Some people don't watch what they say
N they make a list of all your mistakes
Like they're the only things that matter

Welcome to the world of modern thought
I pay top dollar just to hear you talk
Life is love and war, come and give it a try
There will be casualties on both sides

Don't ever let them see you cry
Don't let them see you cry. Boo hoo

You know you're wanted you are the first
No less than the entire universe
There is no equal under heaven
So where's the harm if you're alright
And you still have some appetite
And for a smile you'll be forgiven, child

Hanging about like a chandelier
The light refracted in your crystal tears
There's a dark cloud gathering over your sky
I've a roof on my house if you mean to stay dry

Don't ever let them see you cry
Don't let them see you cry. Boo hoo

Welcome to the world of modern thought
I'm writing checks that I can't afford
If you need a hand I'll be glad to oblige
A stiff upper lip with a skip in my side

Don't ever let them see you cry
Don't let them see you cry. Boo hoo

_______________

Rightly


Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: PaulAds on March 02, 2019, 09:16:57 AM
Full of brilliant lines...and unique as always.

Just one thought struck me in that I'd be tempted to base the song around the part around 1:40 and use that as a repeating motif, as it's very cool and unsettling.

But you have to go your own way.

Top marks for the "boo hoo" part...I really loved that!
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: Binladeda on March 02, 2019, 09:56:15 AM
 
 Strange and interesting  ;D ;D .  I love it ;D ;D
 Full of lovely, unexpected musical/vocal twists and turns.
 It flows from the familiar to the unorthodox very satisfyingly ;D
 Entertaining, and consummately delivered and performed with a
 voice full of style and character......I could go on and on ;D ;D ;D
 Especially liked the drums......

 Reminded me of no one  ;D ;D Totally unique and original
 Top song my friend ;D



Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: MichaelA on March 02, 2019, 12:36:44 PM
Really interesting song, so much layering and complexity both in the arrangement and the lyrics. The vocal delivery is really woven into the atmosphere of the music, both equally unique and interesting.

The comment above by @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) got me listening out for that section. That little instrumental run is really interesting and I was hoping to hear it again after the second and the third 'Boo Hoo' chorus. So that would be my only suggestion for enhancement.


But overall, I think this one could well be my favourite that I have heard from you. Very impressive!

Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: pompeyjazz on March 02, 2019, 09:14:28 PM
Yet another amazingly original and evocative track from you @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) I'm so enjoying your adventures in cubebase. I mean, you can do it just with guitar and vocals but the added dimension(s) that you are achieving now are literally mind blowing. I love the deep dark undercurrents of this song and the dancing,  darting strings and piano just waiting to pounce on you when you least expect it. Another stunning, completely original song from you.
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: MartynRich on March 03, 2019, 05:33:51 PM
A stunning intro to this one Rightly...but I love the whole thing. Promptly added to my library on soundcloud. I love the effect on your voice and the lyrics are really thoughtful. The whole rhythmic structure should jar, but it just seems to move seamlessly from one section to the next. You got the arrangement down to a tee. Brilliant work.
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: MonnoDB on March 03, 2019, 05:55:33 PM
Intriguing as always @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) both musically and lyrically. I’ve listened a few times now and each listen brings new little things to my attention. And I just love the use of ‘Boo hoo’. Fab! I think this is my favourite of yours.
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: rightly on March 05, 2019, 09:23:48 AM
Quote from: Binladeda on March 02, 2019, 09:56:15 AM

 Strange and interesting  ;D ;D .  I love it ;D ;D
 Full of lovely, unexpected musical/vocal twists and turns.
 It flows from the familiar to the unorthodox very satisfyingly ;D
 Entertaining, and consummately delivered and performed with a
 voice full of style and character......I could go on and on ;D ;D ;D
 Especially liked the drums......

 Reminded me of no one  ;D ;D Totally unique and original
 Top song my friend ;D





Thanks.

This song is so far removed from my usual temperament thing, I think I really suffered to get into the space to write it. It was an easy write, the original.
With a good enough demo I had most of it mapped out before starting on the cubase version.
I was lucky enough to start putting it together whilst in an exploratory mood.

 That part, I think of it as an alternative verse, where the piano runs up (welcome to the world etc.) well, originally it was taken from another idea of mine that didn't materialize itself. It was "exploding girlfriend", y'know when someone suddenly and unreasonably goes mental.

Well, I'm really happy this song is so well received. It's so encouraging and might result in more daring efforts, in the future. 

I'll get it he original demo back on soundcloud, when my PayPal account starts working.
Thanks for your attention. 
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: jacksimmons on March 05, 2019, 02:01:12 PM
Probably gonna bestow my highest possible compliment upon you now - this sounds like Bowie. Especially your voice and especially in the first verse. This wouldn't be out of place on the Station to Station album.

There's something incredibly eery and strange about this and I like it. The drums in the intro are uneasy and love the backing in general. I'm not entirely convinced by the tape crackle or vinyl noise that crops up here and there. I am listening in headphones and found it a little distracting.

Well delivered vocals and sitting right for me volume-wise but found them a little toppy and maybe slightly reverb-y for me? I can't quite put my finger on it but would have preferred them more upfront.

Lyrics are ominous and cool. Overall this whole song is ominous and cool and I really enjoyed. There's an indie band called Foxygen and this reminds me of them. They may be worth checking out :)
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: montydog on March 05, 2019, 03:39:48 PM
Hi,

Yes, I'm getting the Bowie thing as well which for me isn't a particularly good thing as I'm not the world's biggest fan. Having said that, the song is wonderfully original and has a unique vibe, particularly because of the piano lines which set up the whole thing for me. I think it's the best thing I've heard from you - an intriguing and fascinating listen. Really excellent and one to be very proud of.

M
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: rightly on March 08, 2019, 08:35:50 AM
Quote from: jacksimmons on March 05, 2019, 02:01:12 PM
Probably gonna bestow my highest possible compliment upon you now - this sounds like Bowie. Especially your voice and especially in the first verse. This wouldn't be out of place on the Station to Station album.

There's something incredibly eery and strange about this and I like it. The drums in the intro are uneasy and love the backing in general. I'm not entirely convinced by the tape crackle or vinyl noise that crops up here and there. I am listening in headphones and found it a little distracting.

Well delivered vocals and sitting right for me volume-wise but found them a little toppy and maybe slightly reverb-y for me? I can't quite put my finger on it but would have preferred them more upfront.

Lyrics are ominous and cool. Overall this whole song is ominous and cool and I really enjoyed. There's an indie band called Foxygen and this reminds me of them. They may be worth checking out :)

Thanks for the constructive feedback @jacksimmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18881)   
Yeah that Bowie period was really something. I like good lyrics n because I don't grab at cliches I feel the need to put some effort into clear pronunciation.
I think this partly accounts for the Bowie sound. A heady but passionate vocal performance.

Ok, the vinyl crackle - I'm from a time when vinyl was necessary. Tapes are and have always been crap.

For me the crackle was there when I would take headphones, take time out to intentionally do nothing but listen to an album.
It seems that some folks find it distracting when it's artificially added these days.
 I suppose in the future I should consider leaving it out.

I'm ok with the vocals here. I used my rode 1a mic. The acoustic treatment of my kitchen is nonexistent and would be unpractical. I want to get that famous podcast mic shure 7, ah the name? ... It's very popular and costs about 350 euro. I like the rode but it's difficult for me to get the sound right. Streamlining my workflow is a priotity for me, I don't want to become to techy because that comes with too high a price.

I'll check out Foxygen.

And BTW, I've enjoyed every song you've put out.
You seem to enjoy your creative skills and seem to be free of the desire to meet the usual dull expectations of the average listener. So rock on n God bless yer! 
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: Skub on March 08, 2019, 08:07:13 PM
Yo Rightly.

Love that rhythmically offbeat intro and all the strange percussive sounds as the song progresses. It's a genre all of it's own.

I hear the Bowie undertones too. This has a great dramatic feel and projects a lonely,melodic vibe,all compelling to me.

Great stuff Rightly.  8)
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: rightly on March 09, 2019, 06:50:42 AM
Quote from: Skub on March 08, 2019, 08:07:13 PM
Yo Rightly.

Love that rhythmically offbeat intro and all the strange percussive sounds as the song progresses. It's a genre all of it's own.

I hear the Bowie undertones too. This has a great dramatic feel and projects a lonely,melodic vibe,all compelling to me.

Great stuff Rightly.  8)

Thanks Skub. I often aim to please n there's plenty more in the barrel.
Stay tuned.
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: shadowfax on March 09, 2019, 09:47:42 AM
Love the very moody start and as usual your lyrics are to die for..thought your vocal was a bit far away in the mix but maybe that was intentional..
love the arrangement..difficult to pick the words out which is a pity IMHO...but your delivery is perfect for the song.. :)
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: PaulyX on March 09, 2019, 11:05:33 AM
Absolutely brimming with atmosphere.  The lyrics are bit less oblique than you normally write... I do like it when you are cryptic too but these seemed to have added punch for their directness, in the context of your other pieces.  The melodies are wonderfully off-kilter and a little unsettling... you seem to slip between major and minor in an unusual fashion which wrong-foots the listener in a really cool way.  One of your best in my view.
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: dinnerwithgreedo on March 09, 2019, 12:15:20 PM
Great intro! Very atmospheric throughout
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: rightly on March 10, 2019, 09:09:21 AM
Quote from: shadowfax on March 09, 2019, 09:47:42 AM
Love the very moody start and as usual your lyrics are to die for..thought your vocal was a bit far away in the mix but maybe that was intentional..
love the arrangement..difficult to pick the words out which is a pity IMHO...but your delivery is perfect for the song.. :)

Thanks shadowfax. Yes the vocals are a bit too distant.
I'm struggling with mixing vocals. I've a newish mic n already I'm looking for another which promises to solve some problems. 
Title: Re: Don't let them see you cry
Post by: adamfarr on March 15, 2019, 12:30:14 PM
"there will be casualties on both sides" - this came up on my Soundcloud today and that line really stayed with me. Though it my be rooted in a painful place, I did appreciate the personal nature of this one, which makes it one of my favourites of yours. It feels very direct and coherent to me without any extraneous ideas - very effective and powerful.