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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: jacksimmons on February 28, 2019, 12:36:09 AM

Title: Passengers to Love
Post by: jacksimmons on February 28, 2019, 12:36:09 AM
One more from my new album. Not much to say here. It's a stripped-down piano ballad love song thing.



Lyrics:

I've never felt this alive before
Watching the stars from your car door
God gave me a happy ending
Found it in your car tonight
Chasing storms and our tomorrows down
Down tonight

I feel we're passing time
We're passengers to love
Like castaways meant for up above
You are not for everyone but
There is a hole in me
You slot right in like a jigsaw
Make make me whole

Now we're moving on
We're passing through our old town
Old faces always make me frown
Some dumb people grab the world
Then do nothing when it's down
We are only getting started
Now now you know
Now you know
Now you know
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: Killjoy on February 28, 2019, 12:57:02 AM
Really nice listen mate. I love the soft melodies throughout but the beginning of the second verse stands out to me. Lyrically  very poetic but not too difficult to follow, as in some lyrics seem to be quite 'pompous' for the sake of sounding cleverly written...this doesn't do that. You have a good voice too with an interesting quality to it. Would love to hear your other stuff man so I'll check out your Soundcloud.
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: dinnerwithgreedo on February 28, 2019, 02:59:52 AM
I really liked this. I can hear it with a band too (and some sweeping strings).
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: Martinswede on February 28, 2019, 02:32:02 PM
Hi Jack!

No offense to any of all the other members but you're one really good reason to try to stay updated in the avalanche of the Feedback on finished songs thread.

I'm a big fan of stripped down arrangements. It's often a good way to really hear the song. I'll run it through by what I heard when I listened. I might empathize a bit on suggested improvements but that's just coz I think the song is top notch. If I were to comment on the good things it would take forever. I listened with headphones so I might have had a bit of of an uncolored listening experience.

First I think the piano(did you get an electric by the way?) is a bit mellow. Lots of low mid range but not so much bass and treble.
Secondly the vocals sound just a little bit too up front. Just a slight bit lower in the mix, a touch of extra reverb.
Also I miss some short instrumental part. Feels like it could fit between part 2 and 3. Synth strings maybe.

Thank you for another great listening experience and a well crafted song,
Martin
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: adamfarr on February 28, 2019, 04:16:19 PM
Jack - a very melodic song with a slightly unusual lyrical take on the theme, and very nicely delivered. I think making the last verse or part of it a duet with a second voice could really add to the emotion.
But it's great and really well worked already.
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: Skub on February 28, 2019, 05:02:42 PM
Yo Jack.

What a lovely,melodic song.

It's very easy to let a love song lapse into the banal,but your imaginative lyrics are the icing on the cake.

The vocals sound vulnerable and exposed,but totally on point and they give the song extra credence. You make me believe.

There is so much more you could add to the song,but I don't think anything could add to the song. It's a lovely thing as it is.
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: pompeyjazz on February 28, 2019, 05:22:03 PM
A lovely melodic listen Jack. You've certainly got a gift for melody. I think it works really well just with piano and vocals and I don't think I would change a thing personally. Poignant lyrics. Excellent
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: MartynRich on February 28, 2019, 06:55:17 PM
Very melodic Jack. I like stripped down as well, it´s a simple love ballad that ticks many boxes. It´s very well played and sung as well...I like the fact there is no stand out chorus as it gives the song a nice longing about it...it´s a simple message well delivered. Well done.
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: mickyplankton on February 28, 2019, 06:56:31 PM
I'm not a fan of love songs but will make an exception for this one as the melodies are sweet and the lyrics are thought provoking especially the last verse. I don't think it needs any additional elements. Perhaps a slightly sharper piano sound.
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: MichaelA on March 01, 2019, 01:09:47 PM
Sweet piano which suited your usual melodic - and in this case almost angelic - voice.

Very delicate tune that suits this 1+1 treatment. It's the kind of song where they usually bring on an obligatory gospel choir at the end on talent shows! Where this treatment shows simplicity can and should win the day.


Touching, irresistibly innocent!
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: PaulAds on March 02, 2019, 09:27:19 AM
Had a few listens a couple of days ago and thought it was brilliant.

Returned to it this morning and it was like bumping into an old friend.

You have a great vulnerable quality in your voice. It's a lovely melody and the honesty shines through.

REALLY Excellent!
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: jacksimmons on March 05, 2019, 01:52:35 PM
Really nice listen mate. I love the soft melodies throughout but the beginning of the second verse stands out to me. Lyrically  very poetic but not too difficult to follow, as in some lyrics seem to be quite 'pompous' for the sake of sounding cleverly written...this doesn't do that. You have a good voice too with an interesting quality to it. Would love to hear your other stuff man so I'll check out your Soundcloud.

Cheers mate I am glad you liked the song and if you did checkout my soundcloud then very much appreciated! Not a lot of plain old piano ballads on it though I am afraid!

I really liked this. I can hear it with a band too (and some sweeping strings).

Sweet piano which suited your usual melodic - and in this case almost angelic - voice.
Very delicate tune that suits this 1+1 treatment. It's the kind of song where they usually bring on an obligatory gospel choir at the end on talent shows! Where this treatment shows simplicity can and should win the day.
Touching, irresistibly innocent!

Thank you guys! I was really tempted all throughout the process to begin adding stuff. I had a version with strings and am a sucker for big harmony backing vocals but I knew I had to keep this bare bones. I tend to overstuff stuff sometimes I think so this was a challenge for me. I am glad you enjoyed.

No offense to any of all the other members but you're one really good reason to try to stay updated in the avalanche of the Feedback on finished songs thread.
I'm a big fan of stripped down arrangements. It's often a good way to really hear the song. I'll run it through by what I heard when I listened. I might empathize a bit on suggested improvements but that's just coz I think the song is top notch. If I were to comment on the good things it would take forever. I listened with headphones so I might have had a bit of of an uncolored listening experience.
First I think the piano(did you get an electric by the way?) is a bit mellow. Lots of low mid range but not so much bass and treble.
Secondly the vocals sound just a little bit too up front. Just a slight bit lower in the mix, a touch of extra reverb.
Also I miss some short instrumental part. Feels like it could fit between part 2 and 3. Synth strings maybe.
Thank you for another great listening experience and a well crafted song,

Thank you so much Martin, you are always incredibly kind. I have taken your advice and taken the vocals down slightly and added a touch more reverb because I think you are totally right there. Also tried to add some brightness to the piano but I also wanted to keep that mellow sound. I'd like it to sound as much like a room with a couple of mics in as possible if you know what I mean. Thanks for listening :)

Jack - a very melodic song with a slightly unusual lyrical take on the theme, and very nicely delivered. I think making the last verse or part of it a duet with a second voice could really add to the emotion.
But it's great and really well worked already.

A lovely melodic listen Jack. You've certainly got a gift for melody. I think it works really well just with piano and vocals and I don't think I would change a thing personally. Poignant lyrics. Excellent

Yo Jack.
What a lovely,melodic song.
It's very easy to let a love song lapse into the banal,but your imaginative lyrics are the icing on the cake.
The vocals sound vulnerable and exposed,but totally on point and they give the song extra credence. You make me believe.
There is so much more you could add to the song,but I don't think anything could add to the song. It's a lovely thing as it is.

Thanks guys! I am glad the lyrics didn't lapse in to the banal as love songs often can. Though I think it might come close in places. :O Thanks for your kind words. This one means a lot to me.

I'm not a fan of love songs but will make an exception for this one as the melodies are sweet and the lyrics are thought provoking especially the last verse. I don't think it needs any additional elements. Perhaps a slightly sharper piano sound.

Not a fan of love songs?! Sacrilege! Haha. They tend to be almost all I ever write. I would love to go political or something but I think people might laugh. Thanks for listening and I am glad I didn't bore you to sleep. You're the best x

Very melodic Jack. I like stripped down as well, it´s a simple love ballad that ticks many boxes. It´s very well played and sung as well...I like the fact there is no stand out chorus as it gives the song a nice longing about it...it´s a simple message well delivered. Well done.

Cheers mate. I am glad you liked the playing 'cause this is the first piano I have recorded since biting the bullet and purchasing a digital one a few weeks ago. Thanks for listening. :)

Had a few listens a couple of days ago and thought it was brilliant.
Returned to it this morning and it was like bumping into an old friend.
You have a great vulnerable quality in your voice. It's a lovely melody and the honesty shines through.
REALLY Excellent!

That really is a beautiful thing to say, so thank you. Really means a lot that this is resonating with some people cause it's one of my more personal ones for sure. Awesome that you liked it. Thanks for listening :D
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: LostBoy on March 05, 2019, 03:46:57 PM
Hey Jack,

I always look forward to your songs mate. This is lovely! I need to check out your album. The only thing (and it's a tiny thing, that doesn't even matter cos the songs done.) that I noticed was you rhyming tonight with...tonight in the first section....but seriously...who cares!! Great stuff buddy!🎶👊🏻🎶😁
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: rightly on March 05, 2019, 03:57:56 PM
yes, love the melody.
I do really like the stripped down production
a band might make it epic but I doubt it could be better than what you've done here.

Like so Micky plankton said of his own tastes... I too have my issues with love songs, those issues didn't emerge with knowing it was one of yours.

Thanks for sharing.
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: ScottLevi on March 17, 2019, 03:49:25 PM
Jack!

Hey man, hope you're doing well! A bit late on this but wanted to come back as I can't remember reciprocating any of the awesome feedback sent my way for a good while, apologies for so.

Always a joy to listen to your music. We are worlds apart in many aspects of our styles which sometimes leaves me a bit lost for words - but is refreshing and provides plenty of inspiration.

On the risk of rambling nonsense; I think music is a balance somewhere between the emotional and musical elements. More and more and I'm falling off the scales to the left in my taste to the point where any musical elements which isn't directly jabbing through the skin to say something personal is just crowd, regardless of how well arranged and executed.

So with that bias explained; it's really refreshing to hear this from you. I've always admired your creativity and talent in lyrics, arrangements and execution - and knowing you have all that ability makes the prospect of stripped back interpretations all the more appealing. Would love to hear more like this, acoustic too maybe? :P

There's a really lovely sound to this song, bet it's even better live! Tried this one out on the public?

All the best,
Scott.
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: shadowfax on March 17, 2019, 05:23:57 PM
Not an issue in site from me..a good song is a good song whatever the subject..this is a LOVELY song and sang beautifully..piano is a bit loud though and a bit boomy, it's fighting with your vocal all the time..try an eq notch in the 200Hz area to clean it up which will make some space for your excellent vocal.. :)

best, Kevin :)
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: MonnoDB on March 17, 2019, 10:40:52 PM
This is gorgeous @Jack Simmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18691) - I'm a sucker for a good piano ballad and this really is very strong. Lyrics, vocals and piano all top notch. That melody line is really lovely.. Beautifully done!
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: montydog on March 19, 2019, 02:33:36 PM
Hi Jack,

I've come late to this. I do love a proper love song after all the satire and social commentary I've heard on here today. I also love a simple, effective melody and a simple, effective arrangement. This has everything I like together with a lovely vocal delivery and a clear, easy production. If it was me, I'd put the vocal a little further behind the vocal but other than that, it a jewel of a song.

M
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: PaulyX on March 22, 2019, 11:49:47 PM
That’s a truly lovely track. It sounds really fragile, like it would break if you listened to it too hard. Some super imagery in the lyrics... like looking through the car window... just specific enough to make it feel real and authentic, but vague enough to keep it intriguing. And the vocal melody takes some lovely turns, like the trill run-downs you do with the word “now” for example. Special stuff going on here.
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: dinnerwithgreedo on March 23, 2019, 06:20:04 PM
A real nice listen. Everyone else has echoed my thoughts so i've noting to add.

Oh except one thing... why has no-one mentioned the line "God gave me a happy ending"?!?!

#MyDirtyMind
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: Sonny And The Dark on March 28, 2019, 10:04:45 AM
Hi Jack the piano playing is really nice on this, I think the vocals could go up a bit or possibly try some higher harmony lines to help it cut through the mix as your voice and piano are occupying very simular frequencies. Or possibly try a frequency cut on the piano to carve a hole for the vocals to pop out of.
The lyrics are very nice too but not to be rude I would rethink the line of god gave me a happy ending... not going to explain any further!

Great song title too!
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: Movin Flavour on March 30, 2019, 02:42:36 PM
Hi Jack,

I'm always love Piano ballads, and definitely love this one.

Was really getting into it and then it suddenly stopped.  Only thing I would add is a few extra bridges or solos.

But definitely a beautiful song.

A good listen.

Sandeep
Title: Re: Passengers to Love
Post by: crystalsuzy on April 07, 2019, 12:27:00 AM
Really lovely @Jack Simmons (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18691)  :) I love a one on one piano/vocal ballad, and you blew this out of the water with your vocals, piano and lyrics :-*
The ending of the verses are really sweet. A well deserved nomination for March's SOTM  :)