The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on February 18, 2019, 05:19:56 PM
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It's been an absolute pleasure to work with @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) on another collaboration and as the song has an exotic theme it's time to throw it into the "Spring Quest" Arena. We both wanted to work on something with an eastern vibe and the song started off with just a simple keyboard riff which is the verse.
Over to Neil and he knocked up a structure that went through a few iterations, laid down some guitar / bass drums and then I bombarded Neil with more and more bits of guitar / synth / rhythm.....
The story of the song is....
Western guy meets Asian girl, they fall madly in love, want to get married. Parents go mental as they have an arranged marriage, western guys parents are racists.
Girl gets sent to Pakistan / India to live with relatives
They dream of each other...
They think of each other by looking to the sky, see a star (although probably not possible due to time difference) ;D
Hats off to Neil for all of his hard work on mixing this one as there are a lot of tracks.
p.s @Martinswede (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20851) @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) If I've posted this in the wrong place please let me know
Eastern Eyes
V1
A chance encounter after working late
My friends egged me on ,ask you for a date
We fell in love, well is that a surprise
Mesmerised by your eastern eyes
Ch
As I look up to the skies
I know that you are looking back
With Eastern Eyes
V2
Your father called it insanity
My parents were full of profanity
A love so strong will not be denied
I'll search for you everywhere, far and wide
V3
Now you're four thousand miles away
I didn't know when you flew away
Every night when I look to the skies
I know you're looking back with eastern eyes
V4
I'm still looking far and wide
Far and wide for my eastern eyes
(c) Connor / Bradley - 2019
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Tons of good stuff in this one...enough great ideas for two or three songs, really.
Definitely has a massive dose of middle eastern promise. I enjoyed the story too.
Sets the bar (Turkish delight, perhaps? ) pretty hign for the competition.
Has a gritty, grimy undercurrent too and I loved the dual lead guitar breaks.
Very cool indeed.
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I always like those eastern sounds.
And eastern beauty has often brought me to silent admiration.
A successful collaboration.
One day I'd like to look into far eastern folk music, see how it works and try to write something in that vein.
I'll probably fail but the results will be interesting.
Well done.
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Well this is a little bit special. Cudos to you both. Epic well structured great melodies lots of dynamism. The song really builds and grows more and more epic. There's shades of Led Zep funk and the obvious Eastern influences. If I had to change one thing it would be to bring the fadeout forward by 20 seconds or so because the song has more than done it's job by that stage. Great work. Probably the best song I've heard on the forum so far this year.
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Blimey, that was a quick turnaround for the comp! Hats off!
Very powerful track, bit of an epic! Very clever fusion of Eastern sounds and rhythm with the latterly dominant Western rock sound.
The sitar (?) riff is really catchy, and the other instrumental highlight is in that extended mid 8 section. All grand and proper box of surprises!
Nice story that keeps the interest going all the way through, and I very much like the way you layered up that chorus too. (Millions of stems again, no doubt! Ha ha!)
I guess this is exactly what the competition was looking for: exotic, a fusion plus a collaboration. I think you are winning 1-0 at the moment! :)
Very fine entry! ;)
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Hi John and Neil!
Nice tune. Great mix of styles. Maybe a bit treble heavy (listening in my AKG 240s).
Slight Dick Dale in the intro melody. Tablas? I'm a bit doubtful concerning the long explanation of the song. A bit more elaborate lyrics could imo have included most of that .
At this moment you are nominated Gold, Silver and Alloy.
I'm working on a solution to unify voting for both solo songs and collabs.
Have to run it by Adam.
And don't forget you can still post a solo entry each and join in on as many other collabs as you wish, though not another solely Neil/John.
All the best,
Martin
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By crikey, that's good!
Instantly drawn in by the eastern riff in the opening. (Do you remember a song called "Into the Gap" by the Thompson Twins? Put me in mind of that...)
But then it just got better and better when the rawk guitars arrived. And the chorus took it to another level again, great they way you reached up with the vocals PJ.
The ascending BVs around 4:15-4:20 are mahooosive.
You may very have out Kula-ed Kula Shaker with this east/west melange. Seriously impressive.
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amazing track guys and mighty mix
love those guitars and the rising chords.. takes off like a jumbo
great arrangmnt love the drums on the nail..
real and exciting track
turns the head
really great vox john going for it chorus
i can honestly say this is fab
top song
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This reminds me of my belly dancing music from the old days, so it makes me a bit nostalgic. I even get the urge to move in time to the music, but my body doesn't work so well anymore.... :-P
I didn't listen for nits, so I have none. :D I just enjoyed it.
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Well that sets the bar rather high for this comp! :o there's so much going on in this track, with so many little side tracks :o
It certainly keeps your interest for the entire 5:44 mins :)
The solo outro is amazing :o Great lyrics and vocals. :-* Love the sitar riff and eastern vibe :) What else can I say! Brilliant collab guys! 8)
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You don't hang about do you?!
The rock parts, that ascending riff, and general guitarism are superb. The ebbs and flows between huge epic parts and quieter parts are really well done. Lead and backing vocals another highlight. The Eastern sounds might be a little cliched (inevitably) but are fun and really well worked into the song.
Like Martin I thought it was lyrically OK but slightly underweight (away+away, insanity+profanity could maybe be honed a bit for greater impact).
Overall I did really like it though!
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Hey guys
A really good song. Mixing styles is something I really like - a nice eastern feel with a good rocking production. I particularly love the reverse guitar lick around 2:12.
Epic vocal performance John! I think the chorus is really quite powerful with it's soaring chords...they're almost menacing in a way, which I guess reflects the power for the forbidden love (at least that's my way of looking at it).
I shall listen to this a few times...a great standard set for the rest of the comp!
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Wowserz.... :o
What an epic.
You two have knocked it right outta the park with this one,it's a monster.
The song is great,the individual performances are great and the mix is stellar.
Top imagination. 8)
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Thanks everyone for your comments and to John, as ever a pleasure to work with and so productive. Once we’d the basic song together at over 5 mins John mentioned ‘epic’ so that was the challenge! And mixing it was interesting. I kind of knew that I couldn’t keep on throwing more tracks at it, especially as the guitars and synths are all in the same sonic space. I’d love to see what a pro would do.
Anyway enough wibbling on
:-)
Neil
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Had to dig way back to find this again. i did listen to it then but.....life things...
Got a nice rhythm helped along with that great percussion track. Lovely bits of guitar all over it. Love the workout to finish.
Well put together...builds nicely and moves through its different sections effortlessly...holds the attention right through its 5.44...is it really that long!! Big chorus...catchy and that big wall of sound...great bass too! Can't fault it...just typing now as we reach that end workout again. Great!
Top work from you two. Great sound! Really good.
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Great song guys.
Love the topic that you've chosen. I love the lyrics👍
Great fusion of styles and love those heavy guitars.
Love how it builds to a crescendo at the end, the song flows so well, it does not feel nearly 6 minutes long.
A great listen.
Sandeep
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Always liked music with an eastern flavour..within without you is a particular favourite, lot to listen to in this track, gets more interesting after several listens, good work guys...just found it a bit toppy though... :)
best, Kevin :)
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Really really like this, very nice arrangement, @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - Your Voice really works with this one.
Nice prod. touches
One of the front runners for the Competition in my view.
Might have put some dynamic panning o some of the instruments to add movement.
(I also agree with one of the others that Within Without You was one of the best Beatles songs)
Rich
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lovely collab guys.
Love the eastern vibe - well captured.
I like John's melody line over the asian melody hooks in the backtrack.
Vocals great - drums, guitars, well all of it is freakin' well done.
Defo a contender
Paul
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Fellas...this popped up after another song I was listening to and I just gotta let you both know that I was BLOWN AWAY!!!!! It's simply amazing...can't say enough good things...I don't know who did what (haven't read any bumpff! Literally came on here found the thread and wrote this) but you both KICKED ASS on this!!! This is a forum collab that will go on the forums ALL TIME greatest hits of the entirety of the earths existence album!!!! (Hmm..album might need a better name!!🤣🤪)
Fantastic job dudes!! 🎶👊🏻🎶👊🏻🎶😁
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Good vibes I thought it sounded Arabian - Middle Eastern opening vibes but was surprised had me foot tapping - well sung - made me smile as well