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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pnb99 on February 04, 2019, 04:54:39 PM
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Hello, here is a little ditty what I wrote.
It's basically about feeling separated and trying to connect(re-connect)
Hope you enjoy..
THE OTHER SIDE 120BPM
Verse 1
So Here it is
Tracing a line on a 5 inch screen
With each beat, one more chance, with nothing to say.
Pre-Chorus 1
For here in my world
Love is dangerous, love is sold
Makes my blood run cold
Chorus 1
Here, on the other side
Far from the battles in your head
Here on the other side
Living off the promises we made
Verse 2
And I pray; We return to that place some day
And I pray; all our foes will be gone away
Pre-Chorus 2
Oh Deep In my soul, feel the heat rise up again
The trace is placed on hold
Chorus 2
Here, on the other side (you give me hope, you give me love, you give me everything to bring me home)
Far from the battles in your head
I’m here on the other side (you give me hope, you give me love, you give me everything to bring me home)
Living off the promises we made
Bridge
Got a feeling like a nervous child
This is all I need
Want to share with everyone
We’re free
Chorus 3
Here, on the other side
Far from the battles in my head
We’re here on the other side
Living all the promises we made
Outro/Adlib
I never thought that we’d be leaving
I thought that we were here to stay
I saw our house fall down around me
Just give it time she always said
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Hi
"little ditty" ;D ;D . Wish I could write little ditty's like that. ;D
Classy stuff. You obviously know your onions, so no crits from me...
I loved it ;D . A professional package, ready to go, as far as I can hear (I'm deaf in one ear)
A joy to behold my friend ;D
Welcome to the forum. Looking forward to hearing more of your work
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Very pro sounding. Well put together, nice harmonies man :) Welcome to the forum :)
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This is great. Reminds me of the someone.... but i can't place it.
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There's a lot to like here
good production and vocal Performance.
but for me it's a little too fluffy. Sounds like 80's Mainstream.
I like the harmonising.
lol. pros n contras all the way through. Well done.
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@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620) Many thanks for your generous review...It's always great to hear that someone enjoys what you've written.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Getting the vocals right was a real challenge, particularly in the arrangement at the end as there's a lot going on in the mic. Glad you appreciated it.
@dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829) Well thanks....it reminds me of all sorts of eighties influences...which is what I have :-)
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) Thanks...I really do try to work hard on the production, I'm still very much in "learn" mode. As for "fluffy and 80's mainstream"? Well, the real world narrative is less fluffy...but the 80's mainstream description is apt. I'm continually trying to take myself to a harder edge, but keep going back to what I know/like/grew up with. Its all good fun.
Thanks again everyone.
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Welcome to the forum @pnb99 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22271) and what a great entrance you've made with this very pro sounding track :o the intro is amazing :o
It's really well arranged :) I love the way you go from full on harmony vocals, to just the bass and one vocal :)
Your vocals/BV's are amazing 8) Lot's of interesting instruments coming and going as well, which really kept me engaged :)
I agree it's got that eighties vibe going on(which I personally love), but it also has a bit of a gospel vibe, which I also love 8)
Fantastic first song on this forum...can't wait to hear more from you :)
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Welcome to the forum mate. You've got something special here, loving some of the chord changes especially the first part of the chorus, it sounds so perfect.